Yesterday, Sunday, was a rough day for me. I had it planned to spend the entire day doing school work and studying. I was actually all excited to get it all straightened out and in order and work on things.
I went to my email account and ended up reading an email from my instructor that I didn't appreciate! Ya see, on Friday I emailed her asking her about some assignments and how confused I was with where things were located online (this class is done half online and half in class). So I finally got that response from her and I read it yesterday. It wasn't what I was expecting...it was rather rude! And this set the tone for my entire day. :(
She didn't answer my questions at all, and she told me to post it online and ask the students to have them respond (because she didn't have time). OK...great...so now I rely on my fellow students to answer these questions?! really?? WONDERFUL.
So I was rather upset with her comments to me and I honestly felt like giving up right then and there. I thought, "I DON'T NEED THIS!" I'll drop out and take this class another time with a different instructor. What a jerk, I thought." I didn't feel like doing anything from that point on. I called my husband (he was out fishing) and he calmed me down and said it would be OK and to do what she said to do. He said yeah, that was pretty rude, but you have to learn to deal with crappy instructors too. It just was REALLY disappointing!
I was still so upset that I couldn't and didn't want to study or do anything. So I made some cookies instead for my husband. :) That took my mind off the stupid subject. Then I went to visit one of my friends at Maurices and chatted with her about everything too. It felt good to get out and not be so upset. Then I watched the Packer game and got more upset about how stupid they played (but that is another subject).
I finally picked back up the material half way through the Packer game. I started to work on it and by then my husband came home and we worked through some things and he saw online with what I was so frustrated with. And doing that alone, actually solved all my questions! Weird!! It actually made me feel stupid that I talked myself through it and finally understood my assignment. gooooeew..
But now I know, but now I'm more overwhelmed because of the stuff I'm reading! haha.
I'm so scared right now of failure. This stuff is so hard and in a different language to me. I am thankful for a wonderful husband who "gets it" and is such a good teacher. He is trying to hard to help me understand the science behind everything. I am so lost and it's only been 1 week. :( How will I make it through 16 weeks of this? Its rather scary to think about and very overwhelming to think about.
One day at a time, one chapter at a time, one subject at a time.
I know that I need to ask God for more help. Not that He will instantly make it easier, but I need to turn to him to help me focus and be able to take all the information in. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of failure that that alone is consuming me. I need to stop thinking that way and just take this stuff one chapter at a time, one day at a time, one thought at a time. I need to figure it out with the help of God!
O Lord, I ask that you help me figure out my thoughts. I ask that you help me focus and put aside the fear I have that is coming with all of this. I ask that you comfort me in my fears and I ask that you comfort me in knowing that you will help me get through this time. I thank you for my husband and the amazing person you made him to be and the incredible knowledge you've given him with science! What a gift! I ask that we can work well together during this time and that we continue on together to help each other during this. Thank you for the Human Body. As rough as this one class seems to be for me, I thank you for how you created our human body. It's so incredibly detailed!!! wow! It blows me away to think of how a cell can have some many parts in it...a tiny thing.
thank you for what I'm learning and I pray that you can help me to remember it all and focus on it!
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