I have a feeling this is going to be a rather confusing blog, for you to read, as well as for me to write. I know what I want to write, but really need to think all my thoughts through very wisely.
Thanksgiving was this past week/end. My husband and I spent that time with his family up in the Twin Cities (where he is from). It was a great time all being together, its been since August! And not all of us were even there. :(
I did some shopping with my husband family over the weekend. They took me to a few places I've never been to in the cities. It was a bit eye opening to me, for MANY reason. I always see of things on TV of "upper class" if that is what I should call it. But never actually stepped foot in that time of atmosphere, until then. Again, probably not a real "upper class, top notch" type of place, but close. Either way, it was something I never experienced before. Not a bad thing.
I sure realized some things about myself through it, though. I realized that lifestyle, isn't me (good or bad, however you choose to take it). I realized how self-centered some people can get, and just how sad it was to see. There was a guy in his 50's probably, who got his hair done at this fancy place...when I heard him cash out, the lady said "that will be $70 please". I'm thinking..."say what?????????!!! $70 for a MEN'S hair cut? What did he do to his hair". Then he just shrugged it off and was like "eh put $15 on for a tip". I'm thinking, gee, maybe I should work here. hahaha.
I was a bit in a culture shock at that point! That is where I realized I was not in my culture anymore...or the normal culture? or?? I WAS in a culture shock to say the least. I didn't know how to act. I felt everyone around me was "acting" as if they had all the power in the world and all the money in the world. It was rather hard for me to be in that crowd (literally a crowd).
I've been thinking about this experiencing ever since and really wondering about how people do it? Even if I had the money to spend on this type of stuff ($90 sweater). Would I really actually buy it? Would I really "higher" myself to a new level? To me, would I really become that shallow of a person? I am sorry if i offend anyone who spends $90 on a sweater...that is not what I am trying to do. I'm just trying to figure out in my head the difference...the difference between that and me. ?
I told you this blog was going to be confusing. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I grew up in small town, in a low-key family. I'm not sure if my family life or my life situation even now makes me who I am, or if it is simply a conviction of Jesus Christ that is making me quench at some of this. I wonder if having a better paying job for both my husband and I and bringing in more money would actually change my ways of how I shop? I am having a hard time seeing or thinking that I would possible ever spend $30 on shampoo or $80 on a blanket or $20 on a glass vase or $1500 on a chest. Maybe my life situation would change that...but I have a hard time justifying spending that kind of money on things when a lot of people in this world are in debt or even poor. We are still paying of loans from school...I feel its probably a better, wiser choose to pay off greater than what you are suppose to on those, than to rack up CC debt by spending $90 on a sweater. Again, maybe it's just me and my life situation...
But why o God am I struggling with this and why o God do I care so much about peoples attitudes with their carelessness and "higher" class attitudes? Am I simply just jealous or just that sickened by the foolish that it is?
And how Lord Jesus do I even BEGIN to help reach these people or even understand these people? I can't simply remove myself from it (easy to do because I don't live it that area), but at the same time, it's NOT just that area I was in, this is EVERY where. We just don't see it heavily. I don't want to ignore these feelings, but I want to understand them better. I want to understand how people do this or I want to understand how I can relate to them without relating to them. I want to know how to talk to them and give them advise when I don't have much to offer.
Lord break their hearts for pure understanding. Break my heart for understanding.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Worn Down
I have been SO terrible at this blog thing lately and I've missed it. Even if I didn't have much going on that day that God showed me, it still made my day complete for me to be able to talk with God and share His doings in my life. I can honestly say I haven't been myself since I was regularly on here, or at least that seems to be the trend I'm finding.
I have had multiple things happen in the last couple months that have worn me down, physically. But I also know they have worn me down spiritually. I haven't looked to God through the rough stuff lately, like I use to. And part of doing this blog was me having the way to really write out my thoughts and feelings for God. Lord Jesus, I am sorry I let that slip away!
I don't want to really get into much detail with the things that have really been tough for me lately, but the most recent is the fact that I have been sick for 2 weeks now. I can't seem to shack it out and it's a SLOW going away process. All I keep thinking about is the fact that through all of this, God is showing me stuff and "getting my attention". :) It's working Jesus!!! :)
You've got my attention, that is for sure.
I've had some good sermons the past few Sundays that have really helped me with a lot of what has happened. I feel blessed that I feel they were for me completely and that God had them just for me (I know, there were others too!). But the latest one really made me realize that through ALL things that I go through, or that me and my husband go through, God is there through it ALL...good and the bad, fun and not so much fun things. I've always known that, but hearing how if you loose sight to the fact that God has your back and will always be at your best interest, even when you think what you are going through is the worst at the time, he still has your best interested.
I know now, again, that through ALL these things I've been battling physically, mentally and spiritually, God has complete control over ALL things and He is there. I just have to trust Him.
A couple days I go a received something in the mail that wasn't so exciting to receive, a bill. All I could think about was, "oo, I hope our flex account still has enough in it to cover at least part of this!" I began to dwell on it, until I found out what we for sure had in our account. Well, I found out yesterday that we have over and beyond enough in our account to cover it and I was just overwhelmed with praise and thanksgiving to God. I thought we only had half of what we actually do have. And seeing what we have, I immediately was like, this was 100%, completely ALL God in this. He had His timing in this. If this would have been in the middle of the year, the story might be different. But the way things have happened here, I know it was ALL God and even though it's been hard to deal with, I'm so thankful for how God has had it all lined up, because He knows what we have and don't have to handle things. And even if we don't, God will STILL guide you through it all, if you let Him!
Thank you Lord Jesus for showing me an amazing joy yesterday and for just giving it all up to you that you took care of us! I feel so blessed and thankful for what you are showing me through all these struggles physically, mentally and spiritually. I know Your hand is in All of this and I just pray that you Lord Jesus will give me, and my husband, the strength to press on and endure through all of this! Praise You Lord Jesus!
I have had multiple things happen in the last couple months that have worn me down, physically. But I also know they have worn me down spiritually. I haven't looked to God through the rough stuff lately, like I use to. And part of doing this blog was me having the way to really write out my thoughts and feelings for God. Lord Jesus, I am sorry I let that slip away!
I don't want to really get into much detail with the things that have really been tough for me lately, but the most recent is the fact that I have been sick for 2 weeks now. I can't seem to shack it out and it's a SLOW going away process. All I keep thinking about is the fact that through all of this, God is showing me stuff and "getting my attention". :) It's working Jesus!!! :)
You've got my attention, that is for sure.
I've had some good sermons the past few Sundays that have really helped me with a lot of what has happened. I feel blessed that I feel they were for me completely and that God had them just for me (I know, there were others too!). But the latest one really made me realize that through ALL things that I go through, or that me and my husband go through, God is there through it ALL...good and the bad, fun and not so much fun things. I've always known that, but hearing how if you loose sight to the fact that God has your back and will always be at your best interest, even when you think what you are going through is the worst at the time, he still has your best interested.
I know now, again, that through ALL these things I've been battling physically, mentally and spiritually, God has complete control over ALL things and He is there. I just have to trust Him.
A couple days I go a received something in the mail that wasn't so exciting to receive, a bill. All I could think about was, "oo, I hope our flex account still has enough in it to cover at least part of this!" I began to dwell on it, until I found out what we for sure had in our account. Well, I found out yesterday that we have over and beyond enough in our account to cover it and I was just overwhelmed with praise and thanksgiving to God. I thought we only had half of what we actually do have. And seeing what we have, I immediately was like, this was 100%, completely ALL God in this. He had His timing in this. If this would have been in the middle of the year, the story might be different. But the way things have happened here, I know it was ALL God and even though it's been hard to deal with, I'm so thankful for how God has had it all lined up, because He knows what we have and don't have to handle things. And even if we don't, God will STILL guide you through it all, if you let Him!
Thank you Lord Jesus for showing me an amazing joy yesterday and for just giving it all up to you that you took care of us! I feel so blessed and thankful for what you are showing me through all these struggles physically, mentally and spiritually. I know Your hand is in All of this and I just pray that you Lord Jesus will give me, and my husband, the strength to press on and endure through all of this! Praise You Lord Jesus!
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