I don't even really know how to write this one. I'm in awe at what some people think or say or even do. I really just shake my head and thinks, REALLY?? - yeah, that is the word that best describes this...really?
I'm really honestly tired of caring about so many things right now. And it's not that some of those things even have to do with me, but I carry that burden. Why? I'm so frustrated with myself that I do this.
Here is an example.
I come into work today to a note on my desk that states: "Why make us stand for 20-25 minutes? Is this really necessary?" - and the person actually left their name.
Honestly...I would LOVE to respond to this person too...
I shake my head and think, really?! First of all, if it is that much of a bother for you to stand for 20-25 minutes...NO ONE is forcing you to stand. Second of all, then sit...again, no one is stopping you. And my biggest grip I have about this...since when is such a harm to stand for that long. You probably stand longer when you do dishes. And not only that...BE THANKFUL that you even CAN STAND and that you can stand TO WORSHIP God. That is what it is all about. Every time I get tired even grip about the food I eat...you know what I honestly think about...those overseas (or not even overseas, those in our own country) who CAN'T worship God and aren't even allowed to have "church". And when they do get together to worship God, its in tiny quarters and everyone has to stand...through EVERYTHING...through signing, through the sermon, prayer...at least we get to sit during that. So I ask...Is 20 minutes of your life standing really that much to grip about? When others around the country, around the world, aren't even ABLE to go to church?! I think we are pretty darn lucky. We should be over joyed and thankful that we get to stand up and praise God and worship Him every single week with not a fear in the world that something will happen to us for doing that.
I really hate that I get so wrapped up into how people think and why they think things and why I care so much to make it right. I know this is not a reflection on me or has anything to do with my job. I'm just the messenger. But even at that...it's just funny what people come up with, but after it's done being funny...I'm saddened for that persons heart! Because that person has some things going on within their heart that makes them "lash out" and make comments about things that are just so unnecessary. It makes me sad...
and what can I do? All I can do is pray for that person and pray for their heart!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Am I Not Trusting?
I think God has really been laying stuff on my heart lately, things that I can't even understand. I've been really struggling now for about a month on a few different areas of my life. And I think today, it all came to a head. Or at least, I think so.
I've been contemplating a job decision for a month now and I haven't come to grips with actually deciding on it. And I think God is making me finally decide. At least, that is what I think. I've come to realize that my healthy and "life" is more important. I think God is showing me that in multiple ways.
And today, I struggled so much this morning with a few different things, and I still couldn't even come to say..."this is what I'm going to do". And I think the reason I'm struggling so bad, is because I'm TRYING to FIX this problem or this decision ON MY OWN. And I've constantly been hearing God say to me, all day, "Are you going to trust me?"....."Are you going to trust me now?"....."Please just trust me Kelly, Do you trust me?"
Why is it so hard to let God just work?! Why is it so hard that I always try to be the tough gal and figure it all out. Why is it so hard that my pride doesn't want to fall and give in. Why is it so hard for me to just LET GO and see what amazing things God is going to heal in my life. ? Why is it so hard to let God work. Why is it so hard...to TRUST?
And it's not like I'm trying to trust a friend of mine who has done me wrong...GOD HAS NEVER done me wrong. So why is it so hard to trust someone who has done nothing but GOOD in my life (even when I have thought it wasn't, and it always turns out good). ??? why?? why? why??
So today...I decide to trust! I decide to let go of my fears I'm having right now...and I decide to give them to God and trust that He will help me and not ask why anymore.
Lord, I'm still not sure what is going on and I'm incredible scared. But I know for my health and for my life, I need to do what you have been showing me to do. And maybe it is that simple, that after I figure this out and trust you, that everything else will start to get better. But Lord Jesus, I ask that you just comfort me and help me know that you are here and that I do trust you and that I can feel OK, again. Lord I want to do what is best for our family...and Lord, is this what you are showing me?
Lord I trust you, that everything else will be OK, that you will guide us through this. I thank you for helping me trust you and let go. O Lord, I'm uncertain, but I know you always are. Please give me the peace I need...give me the strength to let go!
I've been contemplating a job decision for a month now and I haven't come to grips with actually deciding on it. And I think God is making me finally decide. At least, that is what I think. I've come to realize that my healthy and "life" is more important. I think God is showing me that in multiple ways.
And today, I struggled so much this morning with a few different things, and I still couldn't even come to say..."this is what I'm going to do". And I think the reason I'm struggling so bad, is because I'm TRYING to FIX this problem or this decision ON MY OWN. And I've constantly been hearing God say to me, all day, "Are you going to trust me?"....."Are you going to trust me now?"....."Please just trust me Kelly, Do you trust me?"
Why is it so hard to let God just work?! Why is it so hard that I always try to be the tough gal and figure it all out. Why is it so hard that my pride doesn't want to fall and give in. Why is it so hard for me to just LET GO and see what amazing things God is going to heal in my life. ? Why is it so hard to let God work. Why is it so hard...to TRUST?
And it's not like I'm trying to trust a friend of mine who has done me wrong...GOD HAS NEVER done me wrong. So why is it so hard to trust someone who has done nothing but GOOD in my life (even when I have thought it wasn't, and it always turns out good). ??? why?? why? why??
So today...I decide to trust! I decide to let go of my fears I'm having right now...and I decide to give them to God and trust that He will help me and not ask why anymore.
Lord, I'm still not sure what is going on and I'm incredible scared. But I know for my health and for my life, I need to do what you have been showing me to do. And maybe it is that simple, that after I figure this out and trust you, that everything else will start to get better. But Lord Jesus, I ask that you just comfort me and help me know that you are here and that I do trust you and that I can feel OK, again. Lord I want to do what is best for our family...and Lord, is this what you are showing me?
Lord I trust you, that everything else will be OK, that you will guide us through this. I thank you for helping me trust you and let go. O Lord, I'm uncertain, but I know you always are. Please give me the peace I need...give me the strength to let go!
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