Growing Weary

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

~Isaiah 40:28-31~

The last few days have taken a toll on me. Maybe not days, maybe its been the last 2 months, since I started 2 jobs up again. I won't complain, I love having 2 jobs and I knew doing this, that I was going to be sacrificing things in my life. This week I think it finally caught up to me. I don't regret the decision to have 2 jobs, as I knew going into it was for a really good reason. If you remember, I'm back in school after 7 years of graduating with my Associates Degree. Back at it. Well, my husband I knew going into school that it obviously was going to cost $$. Last year, I was only in a couple of classes each semester, so the cost each semester we could handle as a monthly payment to the school. So first year...paid for, debt free. :) Great feeling. Well when I registered for classes this Spring for the Fall 2013 semester, I knew it was going to be much more, and boy is it, it's double what we were paying. Something we couldn't do out of pocket as a monthly payment come Fall 2013 semester. So the decision for me was easy, get another job and pay for it all right away! And that's what I'm doing.
I've been working my 2nd job for 2 months now, and if it wasn't for me purchasing a bow (for my Birthday), we would have the first semester completely paid for already!! What an awesome accomplishment! :) So since I paid for my bow out of this money, I'm now not quiet there yet, but I'm half way! For sure by August 8 (when tuition is due), I'll have it! I know that God is honoring my hard work and our desire to have this paid for debt free. I did apply for financial aid, but I still haven't heard from it. And I think there is a reason why...God doesn't want us to use it. And I don't either!

Anyways...the last 2 months, I think have finally caught up to me. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I've been working 30 hours at both jobs with only 2 days off in a 2 week period. Yes, I signed up for this and I knew it was going to be like this. But this week, on Wednesday when I came home from the one job, I just started to cry. My poor husband was like, "huh?" I told just cried and said I'm tired...I need more time! Thankfully I married an incredible encourager and he assured me that I have 2 more days left and then I have 2 days off!! I was almost there! OK! I can do this!
The next day I text a dear friend of mine from LaCrosse area and asked her to pray for me as she tends to pop in my head at great times and I know the same happens with her. The beauty of her is that when I pop in her head, she prays for me right way, without knowing what is going. I want to be more like that. So I just text her and let her know I was tired and that a lot was going on my mind that I needed prayer for. I didn't need to give her specifics and she just prayed and she sent me the verse that was listed at the top her. It was JUST what I needed! Thanks my dear friend...God knew what I needed and He allowed that to come through you! Thank you for your diligence in your prayer life!

My point...just when I feel I can't do another hour of work and that "why am I doing this?" attitude pops up in my head, this verse has been my saving grace at the moment. And my dear friends works "this is for a season, it will pass and it will all be worth it!" I know this to be true. I know that this is a season in my life and I will soon have school paid for and done with so that I can enjoy life again. My hardest thing right now is all I do is work, sleep, work, sleep, eat at times, work, sleep, work, eat...at if I really am motivated, I go for a run.

Speaking of a run and this verse! Here is a great example of God's strength when you are weak:
On Wednesday, after working a 9 hour day, all on my feet, only sitting for literally 10 minutes ONLY, I promised a friend that I would workout with her at the gym and do P90X. If you don't know what P90X is, it's a great, intense, workout. Wednesday night happened to be Plyo night (that means all legs!) I was like, great...just what I need after a long day on my feet to begin with. But I plugged through the workout with her and an hour later (that's how long it is), we were done. I wanted to go for a run so badly, because it's my way of de-stressing and just being FREE. So I go home and that's when I broke down crying. I was so exhausted. But my lovely husband was like, "OK, OP (our dog) is waiting for him, take him for a run!" I just sighed and said, "OK, lets go!" Why? I have NO idea what I said yes to this! I was exhausted and my legs were already in pain and telling me to sit. But o no, I go for a run instead.
Off we go. My hubby on his bike, dog in my hand, me running.
I thought, OK, we'll only go half of what we normally do (we normally do 5 miles on this particular path). My husband even said, just do a light jog. HA, me, do a light jog, you know fair well that I don't HALF do something! If' i'm going to run, i'm going to run.
We ran the ENTIRE thing and not only that, I did it in a record time for us!! :) How? Honestly, that night I had no idea. I had to re-look at my watch and re-calculate the time just to make sure I was right...and it was. I was still like, no way!
But the next day, when I text my dear friend and she sent me that verse, that is when it hit me. God was giving me the strength when I didn't have it. It was NOT me that did that...it was all God. I loved every minute of that run that night. It felt SO good to just let go and be outside and NOT working. And to me, God was saying, enjoy it, and I'll give you what you need to get through it. Thank you Jesus! It was such a blessing to me to have that time running!
God knew I needed it and He gave just the right amount of strength to complete my day that day. ALL on my feet. :( But I did it, because God was my feet and legs that day and will be everyday!

The love of a Father

As a thought to Father's Day, I figured I would share my thoughts on this special day.

I have been truly blessed to have a father in my life to this day. My papa is something special, a one of a kind. :) I feel extremely blessed, as I know many people never met there father, have one, but don't have a relationship with him, or did but has since passed on. I'm grateful for every single year that I get to share with my papa...it's a true blessing in life, the LOVE a father gives.

My papa and I weren't always the best of buds. In fact, to me, more like something I feared. Why? Well, ya see, as I've learned over the last 10 years of my life, him and I are something of the same breed! hahaha. Since we tend to be A LOT alike, we rubbed heads A LOT, more than our fair share of times we both would have liked I'm sure. I remember so many times as a kid how frustrated I got and how I didn't understand how he didn't understand me. hahaha...funny right? My papa and I both are rather strong willed people and we both like to have our way and we both think our way, is the RIGHT and ONLY way. So imagine that all growing up and then for me, as a teen. yeah, YIKES, for everyone involved!
Thankfully, my papa stood beside me through all of this and we realized eventually what it was the rubbed us the wrong way in our relationship. It only took some 20 years, but once I matured a little bit and understood how my life was becoming and once he understood who I was as well, man, it was pure joy for our relationship. Understanding this made a huge difference and I'm so glad that we figured it out.
I have ALWAYS admired my papa and his personality. I like that fact that I take after him and he has taught me SO darn much in life that I can't even say how that has impacted my life. I'm grateful for the work ethic that he instilled in us kids lives. My brothers and me work hard for what we want in life. He taught us to work hard for what you want and if you work hard for what you want, you can get it. Boy, has the proven right in our lives. I see my brothers and the hard workers they are in their jobs and in both of their families. They are both great dads now because of the way my dad was to them. Because he taught us to work hard, my brothers have provided great things for their families. For me, I'm still working hard, and at 28 years old, I'm back in school working hard to get a different degree (and for that matter, should have listened to him 10 years ago to go in the Medical Field, sorry dad!) :)
Just the other day, my manager at work told me that I don't stop and I keep wanting more to do. There was a gal that had just quit, probably about 5 years younger than me. And one of the reasons why she quit was "I'm tired of the BS." My manager and I talked about that and he said it was because she didn't want to work and that "kids" these days think everything should get handed to them and should come easy. I told, geez, I hope you don't think that about me. He stopped me and just said, "o gosh No...you've only been here 2 months and you've worked harder than most have their entire time being employed! You definitely know how to work hard for stuff!" Here is a guy, a manager, that I've only know for less than 2 months and he could pick up on this. I thought of my papa right away and was truly thankful for him because he is the one that taught me this work ethic. Both of my parents taught me and us kids how to work hard for what you want. They NEVER handed us ANYTHING. If we wanted a car, OK, go get a job and then get one. But they weren't paying for it. You want a car, great, you go the $$, now pay for your own gas and to fix it. We won't. I'm SO SO SOOOO glad they did that. As hard and frustrating as it was some days, to see your friends getting handed everything in life from clothes all the time, to cars, to electronics...I'm so glad I never got them without ME working for it. I appreciate the stuff more and I know what it means to get it!

Mostly, I"m so thankful for the love my papa gives me each and every day. Again, my papa and I butted head a lot as I grew up and I didn't always think my papa loved me. I know he did. And vis versa, I'm sure he didn't think I loved him or appreciate him. But I did! I'm thankful for today, and for the love my papa shows through and through. I know it took years for us to figure out HOW to show it to each other, but I'm so blessed to have a father who loves me and cares deeply for me and for my life choices. I couldn't imagine any better papa and I couldn't imagine how I'd be if I didn't have MY papa in my life. My life is how it is because of him. I thank the Lord for the papa I have and the lives my papa has touched, not just mine.

The influence a father has on his children is very impactful. But for those who can't experience the love of a father like my papa has given, know that there is a greater love of the Father, the Lord Jesus Christ. God love is unfailing and always giving. He will never fail you and will never turn from you. Our earthly fathers make mistakes, yes, that's human nature. But if your father has failed you and you can't experience a papas love, the great love you can have is that from the Heavenly Father himself. I know that His love is always there for me and when I feel like everything else around me is terrible and not right, God the Father is always there. My dad can't always be there for me, that's not humanly possible. But God can, and I'm so grateful for the love our Heavenly Father gives us.
I thank you Lord Jesus for the love you given all of us. I thank you for blessing me with such an incredible, loving papa for all 28 years of MY life. He has touched so many peoples loves, I thank you for what you have done in his life to make him who he is today as a papa, a husband, a friend, a brother...Thank you for my papa and what he has taught me. Thank you that when I can't be with my papa all the time, that you will ALWAYS provide me with the ultimate love a Father can give. I feel so blessed to have my papa in my life. I pray that you continue to give him wisdom and guidance in his life. Give him peace and joy and give him courage when he needs it most. There is so much that weighs heavy on a fathers shoulders with all the decisions in life, I pray that you continue to guide him and continue to poor your love onto my papa. Thank you for him and what he means to me in my life.

Weeding Your Garden

Today I took some time and tended to my very own, first garden of my life. I have been waiting for this Spring/Summer for years, so that I could finally plant my own garden and tend to it and watch it grown and enjoy the benefits from it.
Since we bought our house last year at the end of May and didn't really move in til end of June, we didn't have time to make up a garden. I've been planning all Winter for where it should go (we had to actually make a spot for it, no existing one), and what all I wanted to grow in it.

Once the time was right, we spend an entire day just rotatilling the location of the land. It was actually rather fun, but yet, I wasn't the one doing the HARD work. :) My poor husband.
Anyways...
here is what the process has been for us...

We planted:
Green Peppers
Cucumbers
4 different Tomatoes
Jalapeno Peppers
Lettuce
Carrots

I'm using this year as a trial year to see how things go with the location and soil we have first, and then I plan on making adjustments.

So when I went to go see my garden tonight after work, I realized I have been failing to upkeep my poor little guys growing. Sure they have been watered, but they needed so much more than that. They needed some good ol' TLC.

Here is what my garden looked like:

Pretty sad, right? Yeah, I was sad. I finally had the time and NEEDED to clean up my garden for my poor little veggies to grow!
I started out, thinking, ah, this will be a cinch; it'll only take me a 1/2 hour to do this MAX.

As I started and worked my way through, I soon realized that if I wanted to truly care for these plants, I needed to till up the ground a little and really get everything out for them. There was some little rocks mixed in, weeds, old roots, and other odds things. I thought to myself, "I don't remember the soil being this bad and mix with odd things like this when I planted this stuff!" At any rate, I started to think about this.
My life, Your life, is no different than this garden.
I am a pepper plant, lets say, and I'm newly planted and trying to take off on this journey and produce some awesome "fruits" as they say and blossom in this world. In my peppers case, trying to produce some amazingly delicious peppers for me. :)
But along the way, along your journey of GETTING planting, you run into some weeds or some things get you off track. You might still be there and alive, but you aren't truly able to spread out and blossom, because there is debre in  your life that needs to get cleaned up. My garden had a LOT of debre and things in the soil that I didn't think was there, but somehow was. Doesn't matter where or how it got there, it was there, and I needed to tend to it and clean it up.
God does that for us. He cleans up our lives, IF we let Him. Junk might sit in your life for days, weeks, months...and it will hinder your walk and hinder your journey that you are suppose to be on. If you don't allow the caretaker to get ride of the rocks and weeds in your life, your roots won't get firmly planted and you won't be able to produce what God is trying to do in your life. He might have something BIG for you and you don't even know it. But are you allowing Him to work in your life and tend to your life so that you can?
It really hit me when I was weeding and pulling little rocks out of the soil. I just thought, man, how could I let my garden get like this, it hasn't even been that long since I planted it. But the truth is, you might think your soil is rich and well nourished, but until you dig out past the surface, will the true colors of the soil be revealed.
Honestly, right now my life (my soil) isn't very rich. It needs to get some weeds and rocks out of it.
The 1/2 hour I thought it would take me MAX to weed my garden, wasn't even close. It took me nearly 2 hours to complete such a small garden. I looked at that once I got done and thought. huh...here I thought it would be a quick weed and it would be over with for a little while. Just like in my life, sometimes the weeds take weeks or months to get ride of. It takes time to refine your life. Some things might not take too much time, but the reality is, the more time you tend to your garden, the more rich your soil will become and the happier your plants will be.
How much time am I tending to my life, to my spiritual life right now? How rich is it because of that?
I'll answer...my time for God is minimal. I have excuses, but those mean NOTHING. I'm doing NOTHING right now in my life to make my soil rich. In fact, I feel like I'm LETTING weeds grow right now. Why? Good question, I have no idea. The funny, sad thing is...I know how rich my soil should be and can be. But yet I'm choosing to let my soil go for a period of time.
I know it will take time, even as I write this, to tend to myself and let God weed me out. I'm asking for that right now, for God, will you please weed me? I need some weeds pulled because they are causing me to not grow and they are causing my surroundings to suffer as well.
I want my soil and my life to be rich for you. It might take weeks or months for you Lord to work in my life to get these weeds out, maybe not. But I'm here and willing to take that time with you and asking for your help. Please be patience with me as the weeds might be not want to come out right away.
I hope that in the end...I can have an end result like this: