Mute

God showed me some last night as I laid in bed frustrated. There was a reason I was frustrated, but as soon as I prayed about the situation I was dealing with, God had me realize that the same thing I was frustrated with, was the same thing I (we) do to HIM. I wept in the thought of the frustration and pain God goes through with us! How could I be so selfish to want something resolved, when I am just as guilty of a person for doing this to someone else (God, himself).

Sometimes I feel like my husband and I live in different houses together. Ever hear that saying? :) ha...
Well, it's not as terrible as it might sound. My husband is a rather quiet soul. He has few words. I've grown to learn how my husband is and how to understand his silent ways, but sometimes when you NEED that someone to say something, when you need it most, you'd like it, and you just aren't getting it. Well, that was me the past couple of days, yes DAYS. I finally gave up and thought fine, you don't talk to me, i won't talk to you! Terrible!!!!!!!! I know!!!!

And that is where I started this story, with then going to bed last night thinking, ah, really? And now today (Monday), we go a WHOLE day without seeing each other and even speaking a single word to each other (or if you count text, speaking, then we did that way. But even that was minimal). But like I said, as soon as I laid in bed frustrated with what to do and giving it all up God to help change my attitude with this whole thing, God immediately had me thinking of how it is like when we don't talk to God for hours or DAYS or in some cases, WEEKS or MONTHS. I wept! I can't stand that this is going on with me with someone I live with for just A DAY...I can't imagine the patients and the sorrow God feels when we ignore Him and don't talk to Him.

I feel terrible, but I feel so wonderful to know what God must go through and THEN SOME. I can't imagine. But at the same time, He is so quick to forgive and move on. Me, not so much, I'm still holding this in so tight.

I ask for forgiveness Lord Jesus...I am so sorry I forget you and don't talk to you about every day life things like you want to hear...JUST like I want to hear them as well. I thank you so much for showing me this last night and having me realize how important communication not only is in a marriage, but in our relationship as well! You are my bridegroom and I need to be doing more communicating with you than I do with anyone else!
Lord Jesus I ask that you give me the ways and understanding on how to do this more often and daily with you. That it becomes more of a natural thing than a "o, I better do this...".
I am so blessed to have you in my Life Lord Jesus...I want to keep our relationship strong and beautiful! Thank you for what you daily show me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is Well...

...is an easy thing to say...but is it really "well" with you?

When peace...
When sorrow...
Whatever happens.

It is Well, through the storm, I am held.
It is well with my soul.

Though Satan..
Though trials...
will come, Christ shed His blood.

IT IS WELL...is something I am praying for lately. I finally downloaded THIS song, It Is Well by Todd Fields, off of iTunes a few days ago. I've had it on my list to buy for like 6 months. The timing of it couldn't be better.
Last night, after putting it on my ipod, I finally was able to listen to this song while I did my work out. It was one of the best work outs I've had in months and one of the toughest I've mentally fought through...because of THIS song.

I was running at the time this song played. My run was absolutely amazing to begin with and it just got better listening to it. It hit me while listening to this song that no matter what I am struggling with, which seems to be a few things lately, God is going to be there and not only that, but it is going to be OK.

I've been praying lately for me to have an OK attitude with certain things going on in life right now. I don't want share specifics, so i know this is pretty general and vague. But God is answering my prayers little at a time with my attitude of "being OK". I almost broke out into tears as I was running. I felt like jumping off the treadmill and falling to my knees to Jesus. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord! It will be Well, and it will be well with my soul of what you have in my life.

I am still praying and asking people to pray for me for me to have an OK attitude and a heart of understanding with what the Lord planning out for our lives. He is always working and changing things in your life, are you going to be well with what God has planned out for you, through the storms, through the sorrow, through the peace?
I want to be well and be able to say "OK God!"

3 hr. culture difference

I have a feeling this is going to be a rather confusing blog, for you to read, as well as for me to write. I know what I want to write, but really need to think all my thoughts through very wisely.

Thanksgiving was this past week/end. My husband and I spent that time with his family up in the Twin Cities (where he is from). It was a great time all being together, its been since August! And not all of us were even there. :(

I did some shopping with my husband family over the weekend. They took me to a few places I've never been to in the cities. It was a bit eye opening to me, for MANY reason. I always see of things on TV of "upper class" if that is what I should call it. But never actually stepped foot in that time of atmosphere, until then. Again, probably not a real "upper class, top notch" type of place, but close. Either way, it was something I never experienced before. Not a bad thing.

I sure realized some things about myself through it, though. I realized that lifestyle, isn't me (good or bad, however you choose to take it). I realized how self-centered some people can get, and just how sad it was to see. There was a guy in his 50's probably, who got his hair done at this fancy place...when I heard him cash out, the lady said "that will be $70 please". I'm thinking..."say what?????????!!! $70 for a MEN'S hair cut? What did he do to his hair". Then he just shrugged it off and was like "eh put $15 on for a tip". I'm thinking, gee, maybe I should work here. hahaha.
I was a bit in a culture shock at that point! That is where I realized I was not in my culture anymore...or the normal culture? or?? I WAS in a culture shock to say the least. I didn't know how to act. I felt everyone around me was "acting" as if they had all the power in the world and all the money in the world. It was rather hard for me to be in that crowd (literally a crowd).

I've been thinking about this experiencing ever since and really wondering about how people do it? Even if I had the money to spend on this type of stuff ($90 sweater). Would I really actually buy it? Would I really "higher" myself to a new level? To me, would I really become that shallow of a person? I am sorry if i offend anyone who spends $90 on a sweater...that is not what I am trying to do. I'm just trying to figure out in my head the difference...the difference between that and me. ?
I told you this blog was going to be confusing. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I grew up in small town, in a low-key family. I'm not sure if my family life or my life situation even now makes me who I am, or if it is simply a conviction of Jesus Christ that is making me quench at some of this. I wonder if having a better paying job for both my husband and I and bringing in more money would actually change my ways of how I shop? I am having a hard time seeing or thinking that I would possible ever spend $30 on shampoo or $80 on a blanket or $20 on a glass vase or $1500 on a chest. Maybe my life situation would change that...but I have a hard time justifying spending that kind of money on things when a lot of people in this world are in debt or even poor. We are still paying of loans from school...I feel its probably a better, wiser choose to pay off greater than what you are suppose to on those, than to rack up CC debt by spending $90 on a sweater. Again, maybe it's just me and my life situation...

But why o God am I struggling with this and why o God do I care so much about peoples attitudes with their carelessness and "higher" class attitudes? Am I simply just jealous or just that sickened by the foolish that it is?
And how Lord Jesus do I even BEGIN to help reach these people or even understand these people? I can't simply remove myself from it (easy to do because I don't live it that area), but at the same time, it's NOT just that area I was in, this is EVERY where. We just don't see it heavily. I don't want to ignore these feelings, but I want to understand them better. I want to understand how people do this or I want to understand how I can relate to them without relating to them. I want to know how to talk to them and give them advise when I don't have much to offer.
Lord break their hearts for pure understanding. Break my heart for understanding.

Worn Down

I have been SO terrible at this blog thing lately and I've missed it. Even if I didn't have much going on that day that God showed me, it still made my day complete for me to be able to talk with God and share His doings in my life. I can honestly say I haven't been myself since I was regularly on here, or at least that seems to be the trend I'm finding.

I have had multiple things happen in the last couple months that have worn me down, physically. But I also know they have worn me down spiritually. I haven't looked to God through the rough stuff lately, like I use to. And part of doing this blog was me having the way to really write out my thoughts and feelings for God. Lord Jesus, I am sorry I let that slip away!

I don't want to really get into much detail with the things that have really been tough for me lately, but the most recent is the fact that I have been sick for 2 weeks now. I can't seem to shack it out and it's a SLOW going away process. All I keep thinking about is the fact that through all of this, God is showing me stuff and "getting my attention". :) It's working Jesus!!! :)

You've got my attention, that is for sure.
I've had some good sermons the past few Sundays that have really helped me with a lot of what has happened. I feel blessed that I feel they were for me completely and that God had them just for me (I know, there were others too!). But the latest one really made me realize that through ALL things that I go through, or that me and my husband go through, God is there through it ALL...good and the bad, fun and not so much fun things. I've always known that, but hearing how if you loose sight to the fact that God has your back and will always be at your best interest, even when you think what you are going through is the worst at the time, he still has your best interested.

I know now, again, that through ALL these things I've been battling physically, mentally and spiritually, God has complete control over ALL things and He is there. I just have to trust Him.

A couple days I go a received something in the mail that wasn't so exciting to receive, a bill. All I could think about was, "oo, I hope our flex account still has enough in it to cover at least part of this!" I began to dwell on it, until I found out what we for sure had in our account. Well, I found out yesterday that we have over and beyond enough in our account to cover it and I was just overwhelmed with praise and thanksgiving to God. I thought we only had half of what we actually do have. And seeing what we have, I immediately was like, this was 100%, completely ALL God in this. He had His timing in this. If this would have been in the middle of the year, the story might be different. But the way things have happened here, I know it was ALL God and even though it's been hard to deal with, I'm so thankful for how God has had it all lined up, because He knows what we have and don't have to handle things. And even if we don't, God will STILL guide you through it all, if you let Him!

Thank you Lord Jesus for showing me an amazing joy yesterday and for just giving it all up to you that you took care of us! I feel so blessed and thankful for what you are showing me through all these struggles physically, mentally and spiritually. I know Your hand is in All of this and I just pray that you Lord Jesus will give me, and my husband, the strength to press on and endure through all of this! Praise You Lord Jesus!

Up Hill Battle

I have had TOO many thoughts on my brain these days, it actually has been very hard to figure out what in the world they all meant and what I was suppose to do with them. I still am not sure.

But today something struck me in a lot of ways again, and even as I am typing this out, I really am not sure where my thoughts will go. This could get interesting.

Today I battled with frustration, annoyance, confusion, and let down. But all of this is summed up with an Up Hill Battle...and well, literally for me as well today.

The day was going well actually, but then once incident happened that really just bugged me and made me a bit frustrated and then annoyed. I am still not sure I am over this yet. And that ONE situation let everything else of my day GO DOWNHILL, ha, ironically. It made me have feelings of my entire life, of things I've battled with. Funny how ONE little thing can blow everything up and make it trickle into everything else.

I ended up going home for a bit to take a break for my thoughts and get away from the situation. It was a nice refresher, but just not long enough apparently because when I returned, all of a sudden these confusing emotions came over me as soon as I sat back down. I was no longer frustrated, well yes I was, but not as much, I was now just confused. I suppose this is really hard to understand without me telling exactly what happened. But unfortunately, I really don't want the situation or story to be out there.

I sat trying to gather my emotions and my thoughts of why this situation made me just go DOWNHILL. It wasn't even that big of a deal. Well the afternoon didn't go much better. I started to feel exhausted and just worn down. I was SO ready to go to my boot camp class at workout, I actually couldn't wait to go. I kept thinking, I need it, I need a good work out to get some of my frustrations OUT.
Well, I got just that!

Ever watch Biggest Loser on TV? Well, I've been taking a boot camp class, that is doing a lot of the same type of workouts they do on that show. It's intense stuff. I actually LOVE it. yeah, I'm not normal! :) So I get to boot camp class and my trainer asked how work was. I was surprised because he has never asked me how "work was". He usually just asked me how I am feeling and that. So I was like, huh?! I was honest with him and told him I had a rough day. He said great...lets get working out! hahaha

He says, "Today, we are going to visit the hill!" **The hill is NOT my friend, it's a nice lovely green grassy hill that he loves to use to do brutal workouts with.**
I knew what I was in for, and I knew it was going to kick me in a different way today. It did just that. Without going into too much detail of the things I was doing, he had me doing these different workouts UP the hill and then jogging back and doing it ALL over again! I was probably on my 4th DIFFERENT set up something up the hill, and it just BROKE me. I finish the exercise, but not without some good old sweat and tears. Well, I was use to the sweat, but not the tears. I finished the last set of that exercise and I got back to the bottom of the hill and I got a drink of water, as my trainer was telling me what was going to be next. I get back to the cone to start the other one and my eyes just were filled with tears that wouldn't stop coming. My trainer looked at me and was like "what's wrong boss! You OK, you hurt?" I just said, "I'm fine, it's just my bad day is getting the best of me right now." We talked things through a bit...because not only is this boot camp a physically challenge, it's also a mental challenge as well...and today it was definitely BOTH! I've never had a workout make me cry. But that workout and the accumulation of what happened all day long, had me having feelings of LET DOWN.

I re-composed myself and complete each and every exercise the rest of the training time. It was not fun or easy (which is usually the case for this class). But today was just different and horrible.

I finished! And as my trainer and I walked back to the building we talked things over a bit more. We discussed the mental battle I faced today and he told me, "you faced an up hill battle today! That is what it is in life, an up hill battle!" I just about stopped right there and dropped to my knees, because I knew God was talking to me right then and there.

I left and drove home, in tears, trying to gather what all happened today and what God is trying to do with me today, tomorrow and after. My life, our lives, are always an up hill battle. We face things day in and day out that makes us climb to knew levels with our Faith and with our abilities to change things for the better in our lives and with the people around us. Today I faced a hill to deal with with people and with my emotions with that. God is showing me things with that, and it's only JUST begun. I am so thankful God has shown me this hill I am trying to get up...and I feel like I have a 10lb weight attached to me, because I feel burdened. Not that is a bad thing, I just feel God really working with me right now, and it's at a tough spot in the hill.

My faith will be grounded better because of what I dealt with today, in my situations personally and through my work out. I am so excited to get to the top, not because it will be over, but because I will have learned what it takes to FINISH to get there. God, I don't want to give up here in the middle of this hill, help me to push through to get to the end of this and to help me through this...JUST like you HELPED me today battle through my workout of finishing each and everyone of my exercises today and NOT giving up on it. I don't want to give up on what you are showing me here now! Make me fall to my knees, make me weep to know it hurts to I don't ignore this.
Thank you Jesus for all the blessings of today! I am blessed to have come to a waggy doggy happy to see me and a smiling husband because I was home! Thank you for them and the joy they show me when I need it the most! I know that is all you!!!

Don't Give In, PUSH through to the End!

Well, first I'll state the obvious that I have not posted on here for nearly 5 months! :( I have had great intentions to start this back up again a few months ago...and i have no excuses to tell, except plan laziness on my end.
I will say, God still has been showing me numerous things in my life. This past weekend I had they great privilege of spending time with my parents and some family friends of ours back in Wisc. Rapids. I was so encouraged talking with these family friends of my parents that it really got me motivated to keep this up and going again!
So, with that...here I go again! :)

Last night I had my 6th boot camp sessions. I suppose I should probably give you that history first as to where that came from. I signed up for a boot camp (workout) class with Anytime Fitness (where I workout at). Get this...I begged my husband to let me do this class! Who does that, first of all?! I jumped at this hard, intense opportunity and started this about 3 weeks ago now. I have boot camp class 2 nights a week for an hour long each. It's brutally intense. It's like a love/hate type of relationship. I hate the pain, but I love the feeling afterwards and how hard I've worked to accomplish the stuff the trainer is making me do. I never thought I'd ever be able to do those type of workouts, and I am. Anyways...
So last night I had my 6th session (o, by the way, there at 16 total sessions, for 8 weeks long). Long story short...each sessions is always different, you never know what you are going to do or how hard the trainer is going to work you. So with that...by now I'm close to half way with this boot camp stuff and I'm hardly sore anymore after a sessions, I'm not as exhausted as I was. Good thing? Yeah, probably! :)
Well last night the trainer had me doing some sprints. I did this probably my first boot camp day, but not has long of a sprint or as hard. Why was it harder, well because he had me going up a hill!! Yeah, go figure, right?!
Well, the point of my story and what God revealed to me this morning is this:
These sprints were horrible. I am not FAST, I'm a distance runner, not a sprinter. I'd like to think I could be a sprinter, someday, but after this, I'm not sure I'm cut out for it, but maybe my trainer would tell me differently too...who knows. So he had me doing 15 of these sprints...15!!!! Some might thinks, that's nothing. But alright, let me give you some details on these sprints. He has me start at a starting point with a cone, and then I have to run about 50-60 YARDS, with one mini hill and then a HUGE hill...while still sprinting. Tough! The first 3 I did in about 21 seconds. He has them written down in the exact times, but I know they were like 21-22. So then after I have done about 6, my body is feeling sick. I just was burnt out. My legs were fine, but my stomach and this strange feeling I had just were icky. I felt like rolling down the hill. hahah. I told my trainer, dude, not feeling great. I took a mini (15 sec break) and headed back down the hill, in a jog by the way, o yes, i still had to run back to the starting point. I run another two of these, just not feeling great at all. My times were now turning to 25-26 seconds. He kept telling me, your goal is to NOT get a 28 sec on any of these. If you get 28 seconds you'll have to do lung walks after this. I'm thinking, o mercy...where am I going to find this energy and this feeling of icky to go away!? I jog back down the hill to the starting cone and I'm just praying for God to help me FINISH this entire workout, at this point. I get to the starting point and all of a sudden I'm feeling this icky feeling....being relieved. I run my sprint (which was I think #11/15). I get to the end and he tells me I ran it in 24 seconds (which remember I was doing them in 25-26 just before this). I was like, huh? That is getting better. I jog back down and think to myself...I'm feeling good, this is strange. Now something about me you might want to know, I'm a goal setter! I live my check lists and goals! So of course, naturally, as I'm jogging back down I tell my self, get this next one in 23 seconds. I go off and I get it in 22.9. I'm like, nice! and I"m feeling better than I did at #2!!! (still not as fast, but feeling great!). My trainer was impressed and he's like, where is this coming from? and I just told him I was feeling much better and all that. He explained some stuff to me as to how my body was feeling icky before because of ??? (something) and now it's doing this because of ?? (something). hahaha, I don't honestly remember what he told me because i was so focused on getting back down the start so I could keep doing this. I was excited to get back down there and keep at these sprints!! I wanted to beat my last time every time.
So I finished my 14th sprint in 22.9 and my trainer was like, this is your last one, your goal is to get this one in 22 seconds. You can do that! I'm think...MY goal is 21! hahaha...
I get down to the start and he tells me 'GO' and I just bolt out of the start like a mad woman...I felt fast and I pushed it! I get to the top of the hill at the finish and I'm just like..."ahhhhhh". I was like "what was it! what was it!!". He said get back over here and I'll tell you (because of course i ran back down the other side of the hill because i was going to fast). He says...your best time of all the sprints! and I have this confused look on my face like...huh? my fastest was 21 or 20.9. He said 20 flat! I about rolled down the hill!! I couldn't believe I was able to push that fast and that hard...i expected 22 or 21...but 20!!! wow!!

This morning I kept thinking about that exercise he had me do and how I couldn't stop thinking about how in the world I possible over came that icky feeling. I know my trainer gave me that nice explanation as to this and that with the body doing this and that. I just couldn't help but relate this back to my, our our, Christian walk. When we first become Christians we start out running great and well, maybe not our BEST, but very well!! Somewhere down the road in the middle of our journey, things happen and we turn icky and we feel frustrated, weary, burdened, pain, sorrow, grief, questions and questions as to what God is doing with our life and our Faith. Then God gives us this unbelievable amount of straight, wisdom, courage, Faith and Grace that we are able to endure through the worst of storms in this Christian walk of ours. We are then able to finish in our BEST!
The best is always yet to come...but we have to realize the road isn't always going to be and easy climb...we'll have icky parts we have to endure through, but once we get through them, it's the best part at the end!

Thank you Lord Jesus for this unbelievable experience I am having with boot camp and things you are showing me in my physical part of life as well as the mental. I appreciate so much all that you continue to show me in the oddest things I do! :) I love that the most, because it makes me remember that you are in EVERYTHING we do, even boot camp! :)
Thank you Lord Jesus for what you are showing me and teaching me. May I be able to share my experiences with others and may others be able to relate to this someday, sometime.

Surrounded by...

It seems as though, lately, all around me I am hearing things about cancer and death. In the last week, I know 4 deaths that have happened, 2 of which were cancer. My heart has been aching...and I didn't even know hardly any of these people. So why am I hurting...

The one that is hitting me the hardest right now is a 25 year old woman that died Thursday evening after her battle with Leukemia...just a short 6 month battle. This person, I did know. Not on a personal level, but I did go to high school with her, she was actually in my brothers class and my sister in law's (my brothers wife) best friend in high school. My heart is just broken and just stunned. I know God has things happen for a reason. I guess it just really hits home when it someone that is YOUR AGE and someone you KNEW. But not only that...but what I am broken about is the fact that just a year ago, she was perfectly fine! In fact, just 8 months ago she was perfectly fine. And how her world turned upside down in just a very short time. It has made me realize, that not only are we not all guaranteed tomorrow, but we aren't guaranteed even 6 months from now. I bet she thought a year ago certain things, and then all of a sudden, boom...cancer...and boom...battling for her life which ended so fast!
I'm shocked at the fact that it was only a battle for 6 months and I just can't get over that how just 8 months ago, she was fine and never even had that thought of cancer in her life.
I laid in bed Saturday night wide awake thinking about all of this and how God has a plan for ME, for my husband, for my parents, for my co-workers and for my friends. And how so too often we just live every day as if we'll have tomorrow and if we have the whole next year to do that or this. But reality hit, and who knows if I will be or my husband or my parents or a dear friend won't be here 6 months from now and how God can, at any time, turn our paths a different direction...and HAVE US refocus our lives back on Him and what He has planned out for us...HAS OUR BEST INTEREST IN MIND.
It's interesting that our Sermon Series at church is on the book of James. And yesterday spoke of the James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I fall to my knees to you Lord Jesus...that through trials that we face, BIG OR SMALL, that we will be testing in our faith. Lord Jesus I don't even know how to think right now as I am so overwhelmed with emotions of fear, of hopelessness, of strength, of courage, of fear and of the unknown and the love you give. It's a wide range of emotions Lord and I am just not sure what to feel towards all of this. I know ALL things that come to happen are nothing I can control...and I pray right now that I may always realize this and that others may see this as well. And that no matter what I may face today, tomorrow, 3 months, 6 months, a year from now...may I consider it pure joy what you have set before me! Lord I know there is more to all of this of what has happened this week in deaths that I haven't even seen yet. I pray that others will see these things from you as well...and that may there be lives changed to You in these happenings!

Stand OUT or Stand UP?

An interesting concept.

I realized something last night at youth group when Pastor Brian did a lesson on just this: Stand Out, Stand Up.

Standing out for Christ is something we see a lot of with athletes and singers and those in the public eye. We see them standing out from the norm and praying in public or making comments in front of thousands of people about their profession of faith. How did they get there? Well, God gave them these amazing talents and blessed them with it. But these people also know the balance of standing OUT and standing UP. They have been able to Stand UP to their peers and in doing so, because of their leadership that God has given them, they Stand OUT.

However...most of us try to Stand OUT first. We try to be good at something or we try to look different or act different. But are we really stand out? Maybe God wants us to Stand UP first. Maybe we are to Stand UP for Jesus Christ to others. When we see people swearing or talking bad about someone else, maybe we should stand UP and tell them different. Maybe in our beliefs, if someone you know is living in a wrong way you don't approve of and they just don't get you, maybe you STILL will Stand UP for what you believe and not back down for what Jesus Christ has put on your heart. By standing UP we can make the little difference in the world and eventually that could catch on to millions. And maybe just then God will have you Stand OUT and put you in a place so that others will be able to see what you do. It's a fine balance, I do believe.

I guess I never realized you need a balance of each. And I believe God will give you that balance He wants for you, but you have to be willing to let God lead you in this area of your life and be open to the amazing things He will use in your life to let you Stand UP and Stand OUT. Are you willing to? Are you willing to go through a heart ache situation so that down the road God could use that situation to help others and to have other hears of Jesus Christ through you through the situation? Are you willing to Stand UP, even if you don't get noticed for what you do?

Lord Jesus, I always thought you had to Stand OUT to be able to make a difference in this life of ours. All I simply need to do is Stand UP and you'll take care of the rest. Thank you Jesus! I want to Stand UP for you and make the little differences in this world today. I want my attitude and my actions to be glorifying to You. That I might walk the walk and talk the talk boldly.

Attitude is Everything

God has really been challenging me lately with situations that have made me really look at my attitude. At first, my natural reaction (probably like most of us would be) is to think it's not me it's the other person or it's the situation, BUT NOT ME! Right?

Well I've really been frustrated by how things have played out in these situations and so I've set my self apart from them and have pick apart what is going on here. I'm realize more and more things and still have more to reflect on. But I know God is working on my heart with this because I feel I'm being challenged daily with my attitude.

My attitude in the fact of how I deal with situations, how I REACT to them and how I respond to them (probably the same thing as react, huh?).
Well, I've tried to avoid things all in general and just not say anything. I figured maybe that would help with my attitude, but you know what, only to a point. This is where I see God really trying to show me something. But as soon as I realize what has just played out in front of me, I get frustrated, I'll admit, to the point that I just want to drop everything and say "forget it!". Well, is that the best thing to do, nope! So I just relax and pray! And when that has happened I have definitely felt God's presence and His care for me to figure that situation out and He has given me a renewed attitude. That probably sounds strange. But what I mean is, just when you think I should like "walk away" or do something like that, no I've felt more LOVE for the situation or person and God has given me this amazing strength to not get frustrated by it. Which, if you know me at all, I can be a strong-willed person when I want to be. So it's incredible to me how God is literally breaking me down to my knees and making me realize how Attitude and what you make a situation is all what you PUT INTO IT!

I've heard this before and I've known this, but actually experiencing it, is amazing. Relationships take work, with friends, with coworkers, with customers, with spouses, and with parents. Everything takes works, but if you don't put in your effort, how do you expect to make things better or change? You won't! So make the best out of a situation and change your attitude! It means everything to God and it should mean everything to you!
Something God really has been laying on my heart for a couple weeks now...

Thank you Jesus for showing me how to Love when I don't want to love. Thank you for making me deal with situations when I just want to give up and just walk away and be like, "this is impossible". Thank you for giving me the will and strength to face things head on! I know you are going to continue to show me this and you will keep putting me in these situations, and I want that! I won't know how to deal with it if you don't help me or show me where I need to work on things. I pray that I will continue to be open to You changing my thoughts and actions so that it Glorifies You! In all I do, may I honor You!

This is your Life...

...Are you who you want to be?

Most of us have probably heard this song a few times. If not, it goes something like this:

This is Your Life by Switchfoot

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes.
This is your life and today is all you've got now.
Yeah, today is all you've ever had.
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger, and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in a corner
Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life...are you who you want to be.

The song goes on and on after that.
I've always love this song and every time I hear it I just want to belt it out at the top of lungs. Tonight I once again heard this song, except I SAW it at a totally new level. At youth group tonight we had a group of kids from CRCS (a christian school) and come do some dramas and worship with our youth group. At first, I'll admit, I wasn't too sure what to think of this whole thing and really wondered how good it was going to be. I was amazingly surprised and could definitely feel God there in the room. High school students put on some dramas to a few different type of songs.
I'd have to say this one was the best one for me. It's probably because I could relate to it so well. The students put on a drama of the "cool kids" and the "weird or outsider kids". I never was a "cool" kid in my high school. Of course I went to a high school of a graduating class of 450+. Anyways, even with that, I always found myself on the outside. The drama continued with how the "cool" kids or the kids in general would pick on certain people and bully them around. And how this kid that was bulling around, in the middle of all of this and everyone watching, got up and went to the kid and in the chorus of the song "This is your life, are you who you want to be"...the kid just sings it (well mock sings it). It just was amazing, because he was about to turn back around to this person that was just being a jerk and ask them if this is really the they want!

That takes some boldness...but it is God who brings the kid to be able to do this. And that one act then started a train reaction of that "then bully" going to other kids and stopping them from doing things he didn't see was right.

Just think if we all did this? If we all confronted people with "this is your life, are you who you want to be?" How would their reaction be. Some would probably laugh it off and some would probably be like, no, I hate my job... either way, this is a complete way for us to witness to others about our life in Jesus Christ.
If we are happy in our life, we need to show others this in our daily actions and in our own life...which is how our life should be...filled with Jesus Christ!

Thank you Jesus for bring these CRCS students to us tonight. I pray right now that what was done in that room this evening will stay with these young people and that many go home and even now are pondering on things! I ask that if there anything that needs to come out of this that these young students would seek out individuals to get help or comfort or someone to talk to. I pray that we all would observe about your lives and our lives in YOU. Are we who we want to be? Am I who I want to be?

Day of Rest

Take a Sabbath Day...

Exodus 20:8 (the 4th commandment)

"Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

Every think why God put this at the 4th commandment? There are ONLY 10 and he chose this one to even be on the 10 commandments, let alone, #4! So...is it important? You bet!

God has really been speaking to me lately about rest and time. Time is so valuable, I think we all forget just how precious it is. I have been, once again, listening to some old pod casts on my ipod lately. I have been richly blessed by going back through them. The one I listen to this morning was on this very topic...

It really spoke to me, well because I don't rest...NONE OF US DO according to this passage above. Think about it...
Do you HONESTLY take a 1 day, a 24-hr. period COMPLETELY OFF of work?
You might sure, yeah, I take off work...
Okay, but when you are home, do you do the laundry, do you do dishes, do you clean, do you work on project at home, remodeling, quilting, doing homework, so on so forth? Do you? I bet somewhere in there, we do a few dishes, we clean something, or we work on that project that has been looming over our heads...
right?

Right!
Taking a Sabbath day, means to take a complete 24 hrs. OFF...and to do nothing! :) Hey, we all need it and love it when we can, so why do we grumble or freak out that nothing will get done if we do take that time off...
Well...again, think about it...

We have 6 DAYS to complete ALL our work. We are to work VERY hard in those 6 days and then on the 7th, we are to rest, completely. And we can rest, because we just spent 6 days to the fullest getting everything accomplished. And you know what else...even if you don't get everything accomplished, God will honor you and bless you for taking a day of rest for Him.

It was very cool how Andy Stanley put this...he said, when he was in school the professor challenged the students to do just this...take a sabbath day. Andy was like, "are you kidding me, if I do that, then I'm really going to be behind on my school work". But he did it any way. And you know what? God provided him the time and he got his work done in half the time he originally was before he was taking a Sabbath day. Andy has stuck with this every since. Once that Sabbath day starts, he drops everything he was doing and just gives it up to God and says, Lord, I've worked so hard for 6 days, now I rest and I trust that whatever is to come next week that I am not prepared for, you will help me through. And God comes through every week!

Are we willing to take a Sabbath day? Are you willing to work so hard for 6 days so that when your sabbath day comes you can just stop and rest on Him? Are you willing to give up a job so that you won't work for 7 days and trust that God is going to provide for you and your family by honoring Him with the Sabbath?
I challenge all of us to look at our lives and take a Sabbath day...for an entire month...so each week, for a month, take a sabbath day. And at the end of the month, see what God has done for you. I"m not saying great things will come out of this by any means, but I am saying if we Honor God, He will provide the rest for us that we need, but we need to Trust.

Taking a Sabbath day doesn't have to be on a Sunday, it can be whatever day you want it to be. It can be a Monday, or a Wednesday or a Saturday. But whatever day you pick...and make it your Sabbath day. And on that Sabbath day, don't work, don't do those dishes, don't clean...do as the verse says... "...six days shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates..."


I am challenging myself with this very thing! God is telling me to work my days I am to work and to rest the day I need rest. I find myself so bogged down with projects and things to get done at home, that I get discouraged. But I work so hard to get them all done in 6 days that I am to work, then the 7th I depend on God and rest in Him.
Can we do it?

When You're Worried

From the end of the earth I will cry to You,

when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

-Psalm 61:2

Without question, life is full of troubles, troubles and concerns of our future, health, family, finances, the world and so on. Big things happen that scare us and getting is thinking or worrying, like natural disasters or family issues that shake our world up. These things cause us to be filled with anxiety/worry.

We all worry a little, which we all have anxiety. I believe I worry probably MOST than anyone else I know. Now, this is probably not true, because a lot of people keep these things in. And if you are reading this, you probably are thinking the same about me, I don't show I worry. Well, I do, and if you know me REALLY well, you'd probably see that or know that. :(
I'm not proud of my worry or that I am like this. But I must say, God has done a work in my life over the course of a years time! And I'm now proud to say that I worry less, and lean on God more! I am still a work in progress, we all are.
Worry is not a virtue. And in fact, it can be a sin in which we are failing to trust in God. My biggest help with this: Whenever I feel anxious or worried, I immediately turn to God and PRAY! Instead of fretting about things, pray instead.

Prayer is the way by which God helps us to overcome our anxiety and worry. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace! And let me tell you, it's a feeling you'll love vs. the feeling of worry!

Maybe God will take your problems away, then again, maybe He won't! But here is what happens: you get perspective. You see God for who He is, and you see your problem for what it is. If you have a big God, then you have a relatively small problem. But if you have a big problem, it may be that you have a small God, because you are not seeing Him in His glory and for what He can do.

Prayer will give you peace and strength. God already knows the outcome for what you are worrying and anxious about. And whatever the outcome might be, we once again will turn to God to give us the guidance through it...but that is only if we turn to Him! He will give you strength and peace for the person who will call on Him.

Will I call on Him now?

Travel your Christian walk

A lot of things can come out of snow storms. This summer God showed me this amazing thing about traffic. Well, today it came back into mind.

I was driving to Target to pick up some items and then I was headed off to work after that. It had been snowing through the night and still was this morning when I ventured to leave the house. We had about 3 inches. I figured the roads ahead of me would be pretty decent, considering it was about 9:30 am already, and figured the plows would have been out for a while now. Figured I wouldn't have much of problems.

I drive nothing by side street roads, well because where we live doesn't require me to jump onto any major roads to and from work or to the stores for that matter. Which, I really like.

As I was feeling VERY confident in my driving, thinking, this is just fine. I went around a SLIGHT corner, wasn't a big turn and the back of my car started to swerve. I was like, "really?! You've got to be kidding me!" I slowed down from there on out, which, at the time I was only going 25 mph. Yeah! I thought, how is that possible, my car is just that horrible isn't it!

Well, then it came to me. No matter what kind of car you have or what shape your car is in...you never know what it is going to do. Just like ourselves...I might LOOK like I have everything together and that everything is fine in my life...but one little turn and I could be slipping away (from God). Or I might be really rough looking and so on, but I might actually have strengths, when no one would tell I do because of how I appear in many ways.

So many things hit me today, which is just awesome, but it's so hard to keep up with these thoughts God is giving me and I can't seem type it all fast enough. ah! I love that!

So then...God also showed me that I might be going down a path or a road that I think I have everything ahead of me handled JUST fine! And all of a sudden, I slip, and I think, "what?". I was just thinking I was headed to the store fine and this was no problem to drive in just a few inches. I can totally apply this to my life. A lot of times I'm going through this life of mine thinking I have the road ahead of me all figured out and it will be smooth sailing from here! yah...but what happens? You know, God throws you for a slide! Something will happen in my life or your life that will cause us to slide and loose our grip a bit.

But it's how we deal with this that really can build our character! Either I could have completely slammed on the breaks, freaked out and probably would have slide into a pole on the side of the street for all I know. But I didn't. Why? Because I realized at that moment that it's just a minor slip and that I can regain control again by letting my foot off the gas and letting it ride out.

In life, I can either freak out about a situation and think I NEED to take control of this situation!! Or I can breathe, slow down and LET GOD take control of the situation!


Whew! Wait, there is more...

When something like that happens and you make it through that situations, no matter how you handled that one at that time...you then start to travel differently, don't you? Well, at least I do! I then realize, wow, okay, this isn't as easy as I thought and I began to slow it down and just take the first few blocks at a time until I felt more comfortable.

Here is the analogy...

After a situation happens (or maybe before too) in my/your life I tend to look at things a little differently and really rely on God fully. That is how He wants us to always be! Why does a situation have to happen before we realize this? Well, I honestly, I think, because He wants us to be focused on Him all the time and "test?" us. I've always wondered if "test" is a right way to put things. He wants to see how sure footed we are in our Faith. Do we turn to scriptures, do we talk with Him about things? Or do we just keep driving down the road one stop light after another thinking we got it all under control and that even though I just slipped back there, I still can go along at my same speed...
But you see...HERE IS ANOTHER ONE...

We all travel at different speeds as well! Winter driving tends to be a stressful thing for me. I don't mind driving in it. It's driving with others around me, that I just don't trust! Why? Well, because I know speed and what pace I am able to do. I don't go faster than what I don't think I can handle. I slow down if I feel nervous. But then there are those other vehicles on the road, that think that just because they have the 4x4 and blah blah blah...that they can plow through the snow at the speed that is posted (no matter the weather) and just zip right on by. What does that do to me? It causes me to slow down, FREAK out a bit, and get a blast of snow blown at my windshield, leaving me lost in the snow dust, or sometimes in the ditch!

In our Christian walk, we all travel at different speeds as well. Some may be traveling right along just cruising on by knowing what God is telling them and He is taking them places and just everything seems to be lined up. They are on fire with God, know the scriptures, are confident in who they are with their relationship with the Lord. Others might be traveling a little slower, being cautious as to what God is showing them and really trying to be aware for what is around them. They might be a new Christian, and are just learning scriptures or they aren't even fully knowledgeable with the Bible completely. Then there are even non-Christians in our lives, that FLY by us and do this and that and get in to that, go here go there without a question in their mind of what they are doing may be wrong or right. Just that whatever they are doing is FOR THEM and they don't care what that what they are doing is doing to other people. They are the ones that make us slip of course and make us slow down. We are to be careful of these people because they can hinder our walk with God by the things they do in their lives.

Honestly, where am I at? Just like the slow, cautious driver that I am in the winter, I believe I am that in my Christian walk. I don't know scripture verse by memory, I don't know all the stories in the Bible very well. I am attentive to what God shows me and tells me and I talk to Him daily so that I do stay on the road. I take one mile at a time, one day at a time and I trust in Him that He will guide me in that. I also know that God is showing me that I need more confidence in my life as well. That I seek out the approval of man, when ultimately God is the only one that I should be concerned about for my life. He is showing me daily that I need to TRUST more in him that even when the road seems traitorous ahead, I need to rely on Him that He will take me through it and not get nervous by it.


I've probably just jumped from one thing to the next...I tend to do that.

O Lord Jesus, you've revealed so much to me today, and in just one little thing that so much could come out of it for me. I am amazed and in awe of you that you have given me these things to think about and rest on in You. I pray that these things you've given me that I will dwell on them and that you continually guide me on this road ahead of me. I trust in You that you know the plan of my life and that even when I feel I have it figured out, that You will show me yet again that it isn't up to me, but Your plan instead. And that whatever that plan maybe at that time in my life, that I would be at peace with it. I always want you Lord Jesus at my side! I wouldn't want it any other way!

Little g's

I was listening to an old podcast that I have of Andy Stanley. I'm not even sure what the title of the sermon or series was, I just happened to re-listen.

It's funny how even though it is at least a good 2 year old sermon, how it can still apply to my life today. I remember when I did first listen to, it was on my way down to Texas to visit my brother on my flight there.
And now exactly 2 years later and I'm listening to it again. I love that you can read old notes or listen to old podcast and they can once again apply to your life. It's a God thing! :)

Well, the main thing I took away from this was having little "g's" in your life. It's funny, because just a couple days ago, or yesterday I had those thoughts about going nowhere fast...and how many times we put worldly things before God himself. Well, this message was exactly that, funny huh? yeah....another God thing! :)

Well, Andy Stanley talked about all those little "g's" in our life that we make as gods. Not that we mean to make them gods before God, but it can be that way. Even putting a husband before God, my husband could be considered a little g. Now do I worship my husband, no. But Andy talked about little g's being those things that we run to more than we do God himself or those things that consume our time and distract us from our relationship from God. I'm not saying my husband is causing me to stumble, but my husband is someone I tend to go to a lot...well, he is my husband. BUT...here is the fine line...I need to go to my husband, but if I DON'T GO TO GOD, then that would be that I run to my husband for those things, when ultimately I need to be going to God as well or even first. Or putting material things first, like hunting or fishing. Andy talked about a guy he met at a softball game that was going to be getting married. And that he has come close before to getting married, but it never worked out. Andy ask why and the guy began to explain that he was a hunter, and that he needed someone that could deal with that. So basically this guy was saying that marriage is important, BUT deer hunting is even more important than that (b/c he broke it off with the gal b/c they couldn't "deal" with it). He just revealed his little "g".

It's so amazing how this can reveal so much about your heart and where you are at spiritual and mentally. I'm in love with this idea and really want to look more into my life of the "little g's" that are in it.
Lord Jesus, I want my life to be shaken so that I know where my little g's are. We all have them, I know I do. I can even think of some now. Lord Jesus I ask that you show me every area in my life that I do not come to with you or that I try to figure out on my own (like finances) or that I run to first before you. I pray that I would be diligent in running to you first with all things in my life.

Going Nowhere...

I was working out the other day on a treadmill at our gym we go to. I love to run and going to this gym has been wonderful since I haven't been able to run or be very active like I like to do since Fall.
Well, I never really used a treadmill very often...at least not for a couple years.

I always loved my time this Spring, Summer, & Fall, when I was able to run outside and just enjoy the weather and just ponder on life and what God was showing and teaching me. I feel like when I am in the gym, for some reason the thoughts just don't flow. It's been very frustrating to me. Then I began to think...
Why am I go nowhere with this? Why am I not feeling at peace when I run, like I did when I am outside running?
Hahaha...then I realized...well, because I am literally going NOWHERE. Maybe it is the treadmill, in the fact that I am in one spot the entire time...and I don't feel like I'm making any progress? Or maybe it's that I am actually MORE distracted by the treadmill, then when I have ran outside? How does that work?

Well anyways...
But I realized...there have been times in my life where you are running full pace...and yet, you are not moving. We put so much effort and so much energy into life and into everyday activities and people and things...that we go NOWHERE with what is truly the most important things in our lives...our relationship with Jesus Christ.
God wants it the other way around. He wants us to run full pace towards Him, with everything in our lives...with finances, with relationships, with jobs, with hurts, with joys, with EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING!
So instead of going nowhere with our relationship with God, we should be going somewhere!


On the other hand...
could this mean that God also wants us to sit still and listen? See, this is where I'm pondering. Maybe God is ALSO showing me that when I'm on a treadmill that I am to just take in the moment that I have...and just rest (well not really rest when you are running, but you get my point) on God and just stay put with Him. ???

Interesting two fold, huh?

Lord Jesus, I just thank you so much for what you have shown me and that you are making more and more real to me that I am to drive towards you and only you, not material things. I ask that you help me focus on this and dwell on this. Show me areas in my life that I run to more than you. Make me fall on my knees to realize where I need to be and where I need to focus less on and focus more on you!