The last couple of days have been rather discouraging. There have been multiple things that have gotten me excited, anxious and now just down right discouraged. And they all come down to one common thing...trust and faith in God in what He is doing.
Situation #1. My hubby and I have been looking for houses now for about 2 or 3 months, seriously. And we've come close on about 2 of them on. The most recent one we saw on Saturday and it is everything we would love to have in a house. It's nothing special, it's actually rather plain and simple, but it fits us exactly for what we'd want someday. The kicker...the price. It's in our range, but on the high end. And we could afford what they want for the house, but it's those good ol' taxes that kick it for us. The taxes are the highest on this place than any place we've seen thus far. So the price is OK, the taxes is what puts it over the edge. Major bummer. So we decided to just sit on it and wait...which we have all the time in the world for at the moment. So we don't mind. Yes, we are a little anxious for this, but we know that if it is the house God wants us to have, the price will work out for us. If not, then there is something else out there that God has in mind. You would think that would be easy for us (me) to understand. right? Well, yes! As of Monday AM I was just fine with that and knew that was what God was showing us and telling us. Well, then about 2 hours later as I'm doing laundry, our washer decides to act up on us. Ya see, we have our washer sitting in the kitchen, because our washer and dryer don't fit downstairs because the stairway is TINY! So i was the clothes at home, and go to the mat to dry them. Hasn't been that bad, actually. Until yesterday. Its on an uneven floor and being we have extra tubing running from the washer to the hookups, it doesn't get its proper pressure. Anyways, so it wouldn't fix. I tried everything that we've done before when this happened and nothing would work. I was so BEYOND frustrated! It must have just been the combination of all of this and I just broke down.
I thought at that point, lets just buy that house already!!! I'm SO READY for a place to finally unpack everything and be able to do laundry NORMAL. My hubby came home, tried to fix it, and had it all fixed, but we still needed to dry the loads I had done (I still had 4 more to go that weren't even washed yet). So we took the ones done to the mat and finished them last night. I thought, we'll I'll just finished the other 4 tomorrow (which was today), since the machine seems to be better now.
Well, I was wrong. Started the wash this AM and 1/2 hr later, SAME THING. I was like "you've GOT to be kidding me!!!" I instantly just broke into tears because I thought, really?? Why can't it just work like always so I can get things done and move on!!
But NOOOOO.
Tried to figure it out all over again and nothing. I was so mad! I just loaded up my car and took it all the mat and just washed everything there and did it all. I was soooo discouraged.
As I sat in the mat waiting on my wash, I thought back to when we first moved here. We didn't have anything hooked up for a washer or dryer and I had no choice but to come to the mat to wash. And I remember when I would sit there and just take that time to organize things in my mind (on paper). And I did just that, all over again, and you know what? It felt great!
I feel like I didn't really figure a lot of things out, but at the same time, I feel like I got more done then, then I would have at home doing my laundry. It was weird.
I know God has these type of things happen for a reason, and I know there is a reason. I'm still not sure what that is just yet. But these past 2 days have been interesting. I've gone from content on waiting for the right house, to being completely anxious for a house at that very moment! I didn't like how I have felt these past 2 days. I"m still not sure how to figure this all out. All I know, still, is that God's timing is perfect. And that is what is holding me together in this. I know this is temporary, but how temporary it is, I'm not even sure. I hope it's short, but if it's still a year from now, will I be OK with that? That is something I've thought about all day today...if this isn't 4 months from now, how will I feel then?
My husband just said that someday, someday soon, we'll look back at this and laugh. I know I will. But mostly...I'm thankful for what God is doing. I'm thankful for where He has us, as hard as it is, at least we have a place to live with warmth and a roof over our head! It might not be ideal, but who said life was going to be ideal?
My biggest struggle today has been wondering what in the world God is doing and what He is trying to tell me or show me. So much of me just thinks and maybe hopes, that He has that perfect house out there for us soon, but then parts of me wonders if He wants us to go for something that isn't quite right either, as we would think, but it would be better than this. Its a bit complicated as what I"m trying to say. Anyways...
What all of this has shown me, is to have FAITH in God that He will bring us through this...as He has with everything else thus far! It's also just a matter of if we TRUST that He will bring that about. FAITH & TRUST?! I've got it!
Lord, help me to not be discouraged! I want to have the right attitude in all of this and I know I have failed the last couple of days. I know these things are happening at this specific time to show me something. I know it also is showing me not to just give into something...that you will see us through to the right place...and do we trust that? I sure do...just help me to remember that and not get discouraged in the little things. Sure those things aren't very convenient, but they aren't the worst!
Thank you Jesus for what you are doing and what you will continue to do! I'm so thankful for where we are and what you are doing. Thank you!
