Philippians 2:3-4
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value
others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to
the interests of the others.”
This could go on the lines of complaining that I talked about the other day. If you are complaining about others, you are not holding others above yourself.
I'm having a rough time with this one and this has been a real challenge for me lately. I feel like my life is filled with hearing complaints. I get them from/at work, I get them with school, I get them from home. When life is filled with so many complaints, how is someone suppose to look positive in that. Like I said the other day...when you surround yourself with complaints, you will complain. I'm trying so hard to get away from it, but I keep getting hit with them. My boss/Pastor yesterday even told me, "now Kelly, think positive that they will have a good attitude about this!" So I thought, ya, you are right Jeff, I'll change my attitude and think positive! And I was!! I thought, OK, this is alright. If you start thinking positive about things people may surprise you.
Well, I was doing well up until 8:30 this morning when I received a rather complaining phone call about the exact matter that I was talking to Pastor about yesterday. I crumbled! And I just thought, really? Why Lord? Why?! How are you suppose to think positive and give people a chance when I KNEW it would turn this way AND IT DID! I'd like to say, my point made! But I won't. :) THIS is why I struggle so much to be positive and not complain myself. I know that not everyone is like this and it could have turned out different. I know that. I also know that God is showing me something through this and I instant turn to Him and say, "Ok God, what now? Now what do I do and how do I take this?" I don't expect Him to answer today, but I know that my attitude will turn positive and I'll move on. I know that one thing won't bring me down, as much as I wanted it to this morning.
What can change this? ME. I can BE positive and NOT complain and pray that when those around me complain, I can have deaf ears.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Complaining
I've been learning a lot about what dedication and perseverance means. I listened to a great message last night while I was running and it talked about complaining...which is actually the second message of this. It's fitting for some struggles I'm going through regarding my work situation. I love my job I do and I love where I work. My biggest struggle is LISTENING to the complaining. What I've noticed is that when you hear complaining and are constantly around negative things in your life, it starts to pull you down.
Well, that is what has been happening to me. These negative "complaining" comments keep bringing me down, to the point where I have started to complain as well. This is something I learned from the message:
If you are complaining, you are not allowing God to WORK in the situation. You are actually hindering his ability to work in the situation. Interesting. So if you continually complain about something, ITS NEVER GOING TO GET FIXED because God isn't able to work in YOUR life to either see you see a different perspective or vs versa.
Interesting...
So instead of complaining about a job, or people, or bad decisions others have made that effect outcomes (no, I'm not referring to football with the refs). Maybe instead be THANKFUL for what you do have? Your life needs to be in CONSTANT thanksgiving! Not just on Thanksgiving, BUT CONSTANTLY IN THANKSGIVING.
I find this funny and neat, because a week ago I was having a conversation with our Pastor about how I get caught up in the why "worldly" people think and it brings me down just with that. I told him that I'm not jealous of things others have or anything like that, because I honestly, fully heartily LOVE the life I have. So why do I want to pick on others with their life or why do I even look at others lives and compare them? He said... "are you truly thankful for what you have?" He just said in order to change your attitude you need to be in constant thankfulness for what you do have, just like you are telling me now. You say you are thankful, but are you truly thankful every day for the circumstances God has given you? woah...interesting thought!
So I went home and made a little poster that says "Blessings from God" and hung it on our fridge. And every time we are "thankful" or "blessed" for/by something, we write it down. I LOVE IT. My husband has really gotten into doing this (because we've both struggled with this) and it's been a blast to see what we've come up with.
But this is the point...CONSTANT thanksgiving WILL change your attitude about stuff and will result in LESS if not NO complaining! I don't know about you, but I want POSITIVE things in my life, I don't want to hear complaining.
A verse stuck out to me and it has nothing to do with complaining or thanksgiving....BUT it will help you "persevere" through those times! :)
Romans 5:3-4
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that
suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character,
hope.”
Well, that is what has been happening to me. These negative "complaining" comments keep bringing me down, to the point where I have started to complain as well. This is something I learned from the message:
If you are complaining, you are not allowing God to WORK in the situation. You are actually hindering his ability to work in the situation. Interesting. So if you continually complain about something, ITS NEVER GOING TO GET FIXED because God isn't able to work in YOUR life to either see you see a different perspective or vs versa.
Interesting...
So instead of complaining about a job, or people, or bad decisions others have made that effect outcomes (no, I'm not referring to football with the refs). Maybe instead be THANKFUL for what you do have? Your life needs to be in CONSTANT thanksgiving! Not just on Thanksgiving, BUT CONSTANTLY IN THANKSGIVING.
I find this funny and neat, because a week ago I was having a conversation with our Pastor about how I get caught up in the why "worldly" people think and it brings me down just with that. I told him that I'm not jealous of things others have or anything like that, because I honestly, fully heartily LOVE the life I have. So why do I want to pick on others with their life or why do I even look at others lives and compare them? He said... "are you truly thankful for what you have?" He just said in order to change your attitude you need to be in constant thankfulness for what you do have, just like you are telling me now. You say you are thankful, but are you truly thankful every day for the circumstances God has given you? woah...interesting thought!
So I went home and made a little poster that says "Blessings from God" and hung it on our fridge. And every time we are "thankful" or "blessed" for/by something, we write it down. I LOVE IT. My husband has really gotten into doing this (because we've both struggled with this) and it's been a blast to see what we've come up with.
But this is the point...CONSTANT thanksgiving WILL change your attitude about stuff and will result in LESS if not NO complaining! I don't know about you, but I want POSITIVE things in my life, I don't want to hear complaining.
A verse stuck out to me and it has nothing to do with complaining or thanksgiving....BUT it will help you "persevere" through those times! :)
Romans 5:3-4
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that
suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character,
hope.”
Monday, September 24, 2012
There are days
Hebrews 10:35-36
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to
persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he
has promised.”
There are many days lately when I just feel like giving up and just going back to normal. Meaning...school is rough...but I know I can do it. It is hard and it takes so much out of me and the easy solution would be, ahhh...I just want to have a normal life again, where not every night is constant studying and reading. But I'm learning this is the new lifestyle I need to adjust to and that if this is God's will for me to be back in school, then I will have the confidence when I grow weary. I will persevere through the hard nights of frustration.
There have been times during that last few weeks that I have questions that if this is really what God wants me to do. It's rough, but God never said that HIS WILL will be easy. So I know that just because this is HARD, doesn't mean I'm in the wrong Will of God. But I tell ya, I really have doubted on days, if I'm down the right path I thought God was telling me to go down. I keep plugging along and doing the best that I know I can. I give it my all and trust that is good enough and well enough to make it through. I absolutely LOVE what I am learning, as rough and intense as the information gets, I love what I am finding out about US as human beings. It's incredible how our bodies are made, how GOD made them! It's absolutely spectacular!
Lord, thank you for this verse today. I feel like you are telling me that I'm doing again, just keep pressing on to finish. It seems like this semester is so far away from being done...and I already feel like I need a break from constant studying. But Lord, I know you will give me the strength and energy to keep at it every single day! I ask that you do give me the guidance and strength when I grow weary and have the thoughts of "this is too hard." Lord, thank you for what I'm learning and I pray that I can retain this information and truly understand what it all means. I want so bad to completely understand it and not to just skim by in these classes! Its so awesome the stuff I'm learning, but its so in depth that it's hard to figure it all out at the same time or to retain that information. I ask that you help me figure that part of it out. Thank you again Lord for these struggles in this and thank you for what you are doing in my life!
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to
persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he
has promised.”
There are many days lately when I just feel like giving up and just going back to normal. Meaning...school is rough...but I know I can do it. It is hard and it takes so much out of me and the easy solution would be, ahhh...I just want to have a normal life again, where not every night is constant studying and reading. But I'm learning this is the new lifestyle I need to adjust to and that if this is God's will for me to be back in school, then I will have the confidence when I grow weary. I will persevere through the hard nights of frustration.
There have been times during that last few weeks that I have questions that if this is really what God wants me to do. It's rough, but God never said that HIS WILL will be easy. So I know that just because this is HARD, doesn't mean I'm in the wrong Will of God. But I tell ya, I really have doubted on days, if I'm down the right path I thought God was telling me to go down. I keep plugging along and doing the best that I know I can. I give it my all and trust that is good enough and well enough to make it through. I absolutely LOVE what I am learning, as rough and intense as the information gets, I love what I am finding out about US as human beings. It's incredible how our bodies are made, how GOD made them! It's absolutely spectacular!
Lord, thank you for this verse today. I feel like you are telling me that I'm doing again, just keep pressing on to finish. It seems like this semester is so far away from being done...and I already feel like I need a break from constant studying. But Lord, I know you will give me the strength and energy to keep at it every single day! I ask that you do give me the guidance and strength when I grow weary and have the thoughts of "this is too hard." Lord, thank you for what I'm learning and I pray that I can retain this information and truly understand what it all means. I want so bad to completely understand it and not to just skim by in these classes! Its so awesome the stuff I'm learning, but its so in depth that it's hard to figure it all out at the same time or to retain that information. I ask that you help me figure that part of it out. Thank you again Lord for these struggles in this and thank you for what you are doing in my life!
Friday, September 21, 2012
I'll Admit
Yesterday I did something that I knew wasn't good, but did it anyways. Well, later that night, I paid the consequences for my poor decision.
Well, I'll admit that yesterday was a low day for me, in the fact that I ate some things that I haven't in about a month or so. I ate Skittles...and 2 donut holes (that were absolutely out of this world, home made, freshly made...yah, need I say more). Ok...most will probably think, seriously...no big deal. Well, right, normally. But I've been SO good at watching what I've been eating, because I'm trying to learn a healthier approach to some things in life, so I've really cut out some of those NON nutritious foods in my life. TO ME...that means I START with those junk foods like Soda, candy, very salty things, major sweets. I start there and work my way to a different level as I get use to even this. Well, so for 2 months almost, I've done pretty well. I haven't had a lick or sip of Soda at all! :) BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ME...and going strong! I've had some little pieces of candy here and there, but nothing major. And as far as other sweets, we'll, I still like my cookies, there is nothing wrong with still have treats, its all in moderation. You get my point.
So I had some Skittles and some Donut holes (because Pastors wife and kids brought them in for us as a random appreciation). Here is the thing, I knew eating the Skittles (the entire bag) wasn't a good idea. I knew it wasn't the right track for me, but I decided I NEEDED them for some odd reason. And then you add on top of that donut holes (2 big ones that were incredible, did I say that already) :)
Well, by 1:00 my gut felt nasty...seriously. And I knew it was because of it. I thought, serves me right. Well, what do I do 2 hours later, top off the bag of skittles. Really Kelly? Didn't you learn from the first time? I have no idea what was going on with me! :(
Here is the situation...
I go to work out later that night, around 6:30pm. I started out with the weights, as a warm up, and then I decided to move onto the treadmill to do my normal 45 min run. I thought I was doing well, 2 minutes into it, and then around minute 5, I felt nasty! I really didn't think I would even make it to 10 minutes and I thought to myself...STUPID KELLY...THOSE DARN SKITTLES AND DONUTS...STUPID STUPID STUPID!!
I was NOT happy with myself.
I trudged along and finally made it to 10 minutes and I decided to stop running (I never do this, ahh, was that a blow to my self esteem at first) and I decided to walk for a little bit so this gut-wrenching pain can stop. I walked for about 20 minutes and as I did that, this is what came to me:
Sometimes in life we make poor decisions and when we FEED ourselves with unhealthy things, it slows us down in the direction we want to go. If we feed ourselves with gossip, with lies, with addictions, with fiction stories/books, with profanity...ok, the list could go on and on. If we are trying to live a better life or better yet, a life that is Christ-centered, these things in our life will only slow you down from seeing believing what God has in store for you. If I wouldn't have eaten those skittles and donuts, I would have been able to run the race that I HAD intended to run that night. But instead, my race was held back because I choose to eat unhealthy things...therefore effecting my body which resulted in effecting my race.
When you make those decisions and it causes you to slow down and maybe grow weary of this run, you slow down to figure it out and regain what you lost. You use that time to learn from those mistakes. Mistakes will happen, it's HUMAN nature. But its how you recover from that, that matters. Am I just going to keep filling my body (mind) with unhealthy things in life? I sure hope not. But again, I learn from these and I get stronger because of it.
Last night, I walked for a period of time and then I started running. I used the walking period to figure out where I went wrong and to regain the strength my body needed (feeding it back with healthy things) so that I could pick back up and start running again after a period of time.
Lord, I thank you that I ate poor things yesterday so that I could realize how bad that was for my body to experience. Why would I want to do that again? I'm sure I'll make those mistakes again, but what I love is your grace and forgiveness each time we make them. I thank you for the illustration it brought to mind of how those same things can effect us in our Spiritual life/walk. Thank you for what you are doing in my life and I ask for continued strength and guidance at where I am going for you guidance continually.
Well, I'll admit that yesterday was a low day for me, in the fact that I ate some things that I haven't in about a month or so. I ate Skittles...and 2 donut holes (that were absolutely out of this world, home made, freshly made...yah, need I say more). Ok...most will probably think, seriously...no big deal. Well, right, normally. But I've been SO good at watching what I've been eating, because I'm trying to learn a healthier approach to some things in life, so I've really cut out some of those NON nutritious foods in my life. TO ME...that means I START with those junk foods like Soda, candy, very salty things, major sweets. I start there and work my way to a different level as I get use to even this. Well, so for 2 months almost, I've done pretty well. I haven't had a lick or sip of Soda at all! :) BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ME...and going strong! I've had some little pieces of candy here and there, but nothing major. And as far as other sweets, we'll, I still like my cookies, there is nothing wrong with still have treats, its all in moderation. You get my point.
So I had some Skittles and some Donut holes (because Pastors wife and kids brought them in for us as a random appreciation). Here is the thing, I knew eating the Skittles (the entire bag) wasn't a good idea. I knew it wasn't the right track for me, but I decided I NEEDED them for some odd reason. And then you add on top of that donut holes (2 big ones that were incredible, did I say that already) :)
Well, by 1:00 my gut felt nasty...seriously. And I knew it was because of it. I thought, serves me right. Well, what do I do 2 hours later, top off the bag of skittles. Really Kelly? Didn't you learn from the first time? I have no idea what was going on with me! :(
Here is the situation...
I go to work out later that night, around 6:30pm. I started out with the weights, as a warm up, and then I decided to move onto the treadmill to do my normal 45 min run. I thought I was doing well, 2 minutes into it, and then around minute 5, I felt nasty! I really didn't think I would even make it to 10 minutes and I thought to myself...STUPID KELLY...THOSE DARN SKITTLES AND DONUTS...STUPID STUPID STUPID!!
I was NOT happy with myself.
I trudged along and finally made it to 10 minutes and I decided to stop running (I never do this, ahh, was that a blow to my self esteem at first) and I decided to walk for a little bit so this gut-wrenching pain can stop. I walked for about 20 minutes and as I did that, this is what came to me:
Sometimes in life we make poor decisions and when we FEED ourselves with unhealthy things, it slows us down in the direction we want to go. If we feed ourselves with gossip, with lies, with addictions, with fiction stories/books, with profanity...ok, the list could go on and on. If we are trying to live a better life or better yet, a life that is Christ-centered, these things in our life will only slow you down from seeing believing what God has in store for you. If I wouldn't have eaten those skittles and donuts, I would have been able to run the race that I HAD intended to run that night. But instead, my race was held back because I choose to eat unhealthy things...therefore effecting my body which resulted in effecting my race.
When you make those decisions and it causes you to slow down and maybe grow weary of this run, you slow down to figure it out and regain what you lost. You use that time to learn from those mistakes. Mistakes will happen, it's HUMAN nature. But its how you recover from that, that matters. Am I just going to keep filling my body (mind) with unhealthy things in life? I sure hope not. But again, I learn from these and I get stronger because of it.
Last night, I walked for a period of time and then I started running. I used the walking period to figure out where I went wrong and to regain the strength my body needed (feeding it back with healthy things) so that I could pick back up and start running again after a period of time.
Lord, I thank you that I ate poor things yesterday so that I could realize how bad that was for my body to experience. Why would I want to do that again? I'm sure I'll make those mistakes again, but what I love is your grace and forgiveness each time we make them. I thank you for the illustration it brought to mind of how those same things can effect us in our Spiritual life/walk. Thank you for what you are doing in my life and I ask for continued strength and guidance at where I am going for you guidance continually.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Special Day
Today is my husband Birthday. :)
I feel so incredibly blessed that I know this man and not only that, but that God created him in such a unique way and a way that both him and I fit so well together. I'm one blessed girl to have this man in my life!
I was thinking about it the other day when I was looking at Ben and admiring the man he is...I just kept thinking about how cool he is! :) hehehe
He has such a love and passion for so many things and he always puts his ALL into everything he does. I never see him give less than 100% on something. I look up to him in so many ways. He is such a hard work, a great leader, a wonderful encourager, expresses his love and care, (the list could go on)...I"ll spare you.
This week has been extra special for me. Since I've gone back to school and had to figure out the whole study thing over again, I've been able to witness some really neat things and I know it's God showing me stuff all over again. This week has been rough, challenging, exciting, and very knowledgeable. I've seen my husband give me the support he has said from day one he would give me when we decided I would go back to school. I didn't even have to ask him to help me, he jumped right in to help me as I was reading a chapter in my book. I loved that! :) And to sit and listen to him try to explain to me what a cation and an anion are/is...was rather...o what's the word...beautiful. In that moment is when I realized how deep his passion and knowledge goes for things! He's a smart cookie! :) But I sat back and listened to him explain this stuff to me and I couldn't help but NOT listen to the content and instead I was listening to the passion that God has GIVEN him! "Who honestly gets this stuff? and not only that, but who cares?"...well MY HUSBAND! :) But its SOOO COOL to me how he GETS IT and HE WANTS ME TO GET IT! God has given him the amazing talent to teach others...my husband is SOOO patient!
Also in this week I've realize through my Human Body class just how ridiculously awesome our bodies are! I've been able to understand this stuff a lot better than I did in high school, but it is just mind blowing at how our bodies operate! Seriously...ridiculous! And all I could think about was "what an awesome creator we have!"
How else does our body just function the way it does? It can't. God specifically created a cell, tissue, organs and each of them function separately, but together. It's mind boggling how some can think that this just APPEARED. It's like when someone made the computer...do you think it just BOOM appeared for us all to use and work on...NO...someone spent numerous amount of time and materials to create such a machine. Our bodies are no different. God spent his time ON YOU, on US, on ME. And not only that, we are all so unique in our own ways and gave us all our own little passions and desires and thoughts. Why? So that we could all help each other out and work together!
If we all were "cells", we wouldn't accomplish anything. For example... if we were all engineers, we would have a lot of stuff made, but we wouldn't have anyone else in this world to use it (heal us - (doctors). If we were all doctors, we wouldn't have anyone to make the equipment the doctors use - (engineers).
And when I look at my husband and how God specifically created him...I just smile! Because what his passion and love is, is not mine. (he loves science, I can't figure it out). But God created him with that knowledge and now he is able to HELP me with it. God created me with a passion to organize (my husband sometimes is not organized)...so I help him out and make sure things are in the right place for him.
This week has been so cool to realize how our bodies work and what makes us tick and not tick.
Today, and everyday, I'm so thankful for my gifted husband. I'm blessed at how God created him and not only that but that God decided to put us two together to experience life together. What a blessing and a gift we have! I appreciate so much the love and passion and joy my husband has more so today and this week than I have ever had in the 7 years I have known him. I thank you Jesus for showing me that this week, and of all weeks on his Birthday! Thank you for the caring person he is and for the example he is to MANY around him of what Christs LOVE is. Thank you for his kind heart and giving heart! Thank you Lord Jesus for this sweet sweet man! I pray I can continue to love and appreciate this man while you have given him to us here on earth!
Happy Birthday duck!
I feel so incredibly blessed that I know this man and not only that, but that God created him in such a unique way and a way that both him and I fit so well together. I'm one blessed girl to have this man in my life!
I was thinking about it the other day when I was looking at Ben and admiring the man he is...I just kept thinking about how cool he is! :) hehehe
He has such a love and passion for so many things and he always puts his ALL into everything he does. I never see him give less than 100% on something. I look up to him in so many ways. He is such a hard work, a great leader, a wonderful encourager, expresses his love and care, (the list could go on)...I"ll spare you.
This week has been extra special for me. Since I've gone back to school and had to figure out the whole study thing over again, I've been able to witness some really neat things and I know it's God showing me stuff all over again. This week has been rough, challenging, exciting, and very knowledgeable. I've seen my husband give me the support he has said from day one he would give me when we decided I would go back to school. I didn't even have to ask him to help me, he jumped right in to help me as I was reading a chapter in my book. I loved that! :) And to sit and listen to him try to explain to me what a cation and an anion are/is...was rather...o what's the word...beautiful. In that moment is when I realized how deep his passion and knowledge goes for things! He's a smart cookie! :) But I sat back and listened to him explain this stuff to me and I couldn't help but NOT listen to the content and instead I was listening to the passion that God has GIVEN him! "Who honestly gets this stuff? and not only that, but who cares?"...well MY HUSBAND! :) But its SOOO COOL to me how he GETS IT and HE WANTS ME TO GET IT! God has given him the amazing talent to teach others...my husband is SOOO patient!
Also in this week I've realize through my Human Body class just how ridiculously awesome our bodies are! I've been able to understand this stuff a lot better than I did in high school, but it is just mind blowing at how our bodies operate! Seriously...ridiculous! And all I could think about was "what an awesome creator we have!"
How else does our body just function the way it does? It can't. God specifically created a cell, tissue, organs and each of them function separately, but together. It's mind boggling how some can think that this just APPEARED. It's like when someone made the computer...do you think it just BOOM appeared for us all to use and work on...NO...someone spent numerous amount of time and materials to create such a machine. Our bodies are no different. God spent his time ON YOU, on US, on ME. And not only that, we are all so unique in our own ways and gave us all our own little passions and desires and thoughts. Why? So that we could all help each other out and work together!
If we all were "cells", we wouldn't accomplish anything. For example... if we were all engineers, we would have a lot of stuff made, but we wouldn't have anyone else in this world to use it (heal us - (doctors). If we were all doctors, we wouldn't have anyone to make the equipment the doctors use - (engineers).
And when I look at my husband and how God specifically created him...I just smile! Because what his passion and love is, is not mine. (he loves science, I can't figure it out). But God created him with that knowledge and now he is able to HELP me with it. God created me with a passion to organize (my husband sometimes is not organized)...so I help him out and make sure things are in the right place for him.
This week has been so cool to realize how our bodies work and what makes us tick and not tick.
Today, and everyday, I'm so thankful for my gifted husband. I'm blessed at how God created him and not only that but that God decided to put us two together to experience life together. What a blessing and a gift we have! I appreciate so much the love and passion and joy my husband has more so today and this week than I have ever had in the 7 years I have known him. I thank you Jesus for showing me that this week, and of all weeks on his Birthday! Thank you for the caring person he is and for the example he is to MANY around him of what Christs LOVE is. Thank you for his kind heart and giving heart! Thank you Lord Jesus for this sweet sweet man! I pray I can continue to love and appreciate this man while you have given him to us here on earth!
Happy Birthday duck!
Monday, September 10, 2012
How many of these will I have?
Yesterday, Sunday, was a rough day for me. I had it planned to spend the entire day doing school work and studying. I was actually all excited to get it all straightened out and in order and work on things.
I went to my email account and ended up reading an email from my instructor that I didn't appreciate! Ya see, on Friday I emailed her asking her about some assignments and how confused I was with where things were located online (this class is done half online and half in class). So I finally got that response from her and I read it yesterday. It wasn't what I was expecting...it was rather rude! And this set the tone for my entire day. :(
She didn't answer my questions at all, and she told me to post it online and ask the students to have them respond (because she didn't have time). OK...great...so now I rely on my fellow students to answer these questions?! really?? WONDERFUL.
So I was rather upset with her comments to me and I honestly felt like giving up right then and there. I thought, "I DON'T NEED THIS!" I'll drop out and take this class another time with a different instructor. What a jerk, I thought." I didn't feel like doing anything from that point on. I called my husband (he was out fishing) and he calmed me down and said it would be OK and to do what she said to do. He said yeah, that was pretty rude, but you have to learn to deal with crappy instructors too. It just was REALLY disappointing!
I was still so upset that I couldn't and didn't want to study or do anything. So I made some cookies instead for my husband. :) That took my mind off the stupid subject. Then I went to visit one of my friends at Maurices and chatted with her about everything too. It felt good to get out and not be so upset. Then I watched the Packer game and got more upset about how stupid they played (but that is another subject).
I finally picked back up the material half way through the Packer game. I started to work on it and by then my husband came home and we worked through some things and he saw online with what I was so frustrated with. And doing that alone, actually solved all my questions! Weird!! It actually made me feel stupid that I talked myself through it and finally understood my assignment. gooooeew..
But now I know, but now I'm more overwhelmed because of the stuff I'm reading! haha.
I'm so scared right now of failure. This stuff is so hard and in a different language to me. I am thankful for a wonderful husband who "gets it" and is such a good teacher. He is trying to hard to help me understand the science behind everything. I am so lost and it's only been 1 week. :( How will I make it through 16 weeks of this? Its rather scary to think about and very overwhelming to think about.
One day at a time, one chapter at a time, one subject at a time.
I know that I need to ask God for more help. Not that He will instantly make it easier, but I need to turn to him to help me focus and be able to take all the information in. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of failure that that alone is consuming me. I need to stop thinking that way and just take this stuff one chapter at a time, one day at a time, one thought at a time. I need to figure it out with the help of God!
O Lord, I ask that you help me figure out my thoughts. I ask that you help me focus and put aside the fear I have that is coming with all of this. I ask that you comfort me in my fears and I ask that you comfort me in knowing that you will help me get through this time. I thank you for my husband and the amazing person you made him to be and the incredible knowledge you've given him with science! What a gift! I ask that we can work well together during this time and that we continue on together to help each other during this. Thank you for the Human Body. As rough as this one class seems to be for me, I thank you for how you created our human body. It's so incredibly detailed!!! wow! It blows me away to think of how a cell can have some many parts in it...a tiny thing.
thank you for what I'm learning and I pray that you can help me to remember it all and focus on it!
I went to my email account and ended up reading an email from my instructor that I didn't appreciate! Ya see, on Friday I emailed her asking her about some assignments and how confused I was with where things were located online (this class is done half online and half in class). So I finally got that response from her and I read it yesterday. It wasn't what I was expecting...it was rather rude! And this set the tone for my entire day. :(
She didn't answer my questions at all, and she told me to post it online and ask the students to have them respond (because she didn't have time). OK...great...so now I rely on my fellow students to answer these questions?! really?? WONDERFUL.
So I was rather upset with her comments to me and I honestly felt like giving up right then and there. I thought, "I DON'T NEED THIS!" I'll drop out and take this class another time with a different instructor. What a jerk, I thought." I didn't feel like doing anything from that point on. I called my husband (he was out fishing) and he calmed me down and said it would be OK and to do what she said to do. He said yeah, that was pretty rude, but you have to learn to deal with crappy instructors too. It just was REALLY disappointing!
I was still so upset that I couldn't and didn't want to study or do anything. So I made some cookies instead for my husband. :) That took my mind off the stupid subject. Then I went to visit one of my friends at Maurices and chatted with her about everything too. It felt good to get out and not be so upset. Then I watched the Packer game and got more upset about how stupid they played (but that is another subject).
I finally picked back up the material half way through the Packer game. I started to work on it and by then my husband came home and we worked through some things and he saw online with what I was so frustrated with. And doing that alone, actually solved all my questions! Weird!! It actually made me feel stupid that I talked myself through it and finally understood my assignment. gooooeew..
But now I know, but now I'm more overwhelmed because of the stuff I'm reading! haha.
I'm so scared right now of failure. This stuff is so hard and in a different language to me. I am thankful for a wonderful husband who "gets it" and is such a good teacher. He is trying to hard to help me understand the science behind everything. I am so lost and it's only been 1 week. :( How will I make it through 16 weeks of this? Its rather scary to think about and very overwhelming to think about.
One day at a time, one chapter at a time, one subject at a time.
I know that I need to ask God for more help. Not that He will instantly make it easier, but I need to turn to him to help me focus and be able to take all the information in. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of failure that that alone is consuming me. I need to stop thinking that way and just take this stuff one chapter at a time, one day at a time, one thought at a time. I need to figure it out with the help of God!
O Lord, I ask that you help me figure out my thoughts. I ask that you help me focus and put aside the fear I have that is coming with all of this. I ask that you comfort me in my fears and I ask that you comfort me in knowing that you will help me get through this time. I thank you for my husband and the amazing person you made him to be and the incredible knowledge you've given him with science! What a gift! I ask that we can work well together during this time and that we continue on together to help each other during this. Thank you for the Human Body. As rough as this one class seems to be for me, I thank you for how you created our human body. It's so incredibly detailed!!! wow! It blows me away to think of how a cell can have some many parts in it...a tiny thing.
thank you for what I'm learning and I pray that you can help me to remember it all and focus on it!
Friday, September 7, 2012
Can you go the distance?
Two weeks ago I went running and I accomplished a new all-time distance for myself, which was 6.5 miles. That was astonishing for myself. The furthest up to that point that I reached was 4miles. I remember two weeks before I hit 6.5 miles, I told my husband that I think I could do 6 miles, since I've been doing 4 miles pretty well. He said, sure you can!
So I tried it one night, and I was amazed at how well that went and how great it felt. I thought it was going to be terrible, but turns out it was rather awesome! :)
Those that know me best, know that I just don't stop there. I instantly after accomplishing that said, and next is 8 miles! I knew I could do it...I WANTED to do it.
Last night...I started running thinking I would only go for 45 minutes which usually equals 4-5miles for me. Well, once I hit 20 minutes at a little over 2 miles, I thought, "tonight I'm going to do 8 miles!" ah...and ONCE i get that SLIGHTEST THOUGHT in my brain, I HAVE to do!
What do ya know... I DID IT! :) I hit 8 miles last night in 75 minutes. And about 5 minutes after I accomplished it, I said...next is 10miles! ahhh...
How did it feel...NOT as great as 6 miles...but an amazing feeling...nothing like it...weird huh?
Mile 5 was actually the toughest and I thought about how am I going to get 3 more in? I had lost some of my focus during that mile. I was SO focus all the miles before that...that is why I knew I could get 8 miles in that night. I knew I was focus and that I could do it. But then when mile 5 came I couldn't keep focus and I found myself trying to change music too much and get back on track...but it just bugged me. I eventually figure it out and regained my focus and miles 6 and beyond were MUCH better...I was feeling great! That last mile...was very interesting. It's like my body new it was the last mile, so my legs decided to become WOOD. I really am not sure how describe this feeling, but my legs felt like 2x4's...WOOD. Probably numb, but it was like they weren't as strong...but yet I couldn't feel how weak it was either. It was strange. My legs didn't hurt and I felt no cramps...it just felt strange. I ended up pushing up my speed that last mile as well and that actually made my legs feel better!
So what's the point of my story and this accomplishment you probably feel I'm "bragging" about? Well, it got me thinking about how this is a lot of how my life, or any ones life, is. You start out on your journey, not really knowing how long you will go for...but you try to make it as far as you can or as long as you can, until your body eventually shuts down, right? You start out good, and starting, thinking you can go far, but then something along the way pulls at you, tugs you away (mile 5). You can't seem to figure out which direction to go, if you just stop and give up or if you cry out for help to regain the focus in life and continue on with your journey. Now, this doesn't just happen one time in your life...you might cramp up, you might grow weary, you might need some water (refreshment...The Word of God) to keep you going.
What I realized was that my life hit a BIG curve a year ago, shortly after we moved, or maybe it was the move all in general. I had no idea that my life would take a turn like it did. Not that it was terrible or wrong, but I struggled in so many areas that I didn't think I would. I didn't expect my Faith to be rocked liked it did. I didn't expect to question everything in life, everything about my life, and everything about what life would be. That's just it...YOU MIGHT think you have this RUN just fine (mile 2, feeling good), but right when you 'feel good', God will show you some unbelievable things (circumstances)...and it's a matter of how strong are you to keep running through it? It might seem like life around you can't get picked up (like what I felt like), but the truth is...it's not over till you CALL it over. You might struggle for a year, a month, a week...a decade (1 mile, 2 mile, 8 miles)...but no matter what, GOD will bring you through it....but here is the key...are you asking God to bring you through it?
When I hit mile 5 last night, when I struggled and couldn't figure out why my focus was lost (exactly what has happened to me this past year!!!, funny huh?)...but as soon as I dropped my "I got this" attitude with running, I looked back up and focus and said "alright God...if I'm going to make it to mile 8...I need you to help me focus again! I can't do this run without you, without you helping me every step of the way!"
HONESTLY...
and shortly after...my focus came back...my focus WANTED to be there, and God helped me bring it there. Now, He could have made me wait another mile to figure that out and struggle through, like I said...some struggles might be a month, a year...or longer...but sometimes God carries you out sooner.
So...can you go the distance that God has set out for you...even though you have no idea what distance that is? It doesn't matter if your distance is 8 miles or 80 years...Don't look at that as end sight...your end could be when you are 20, when you are 30, when you are 50...or maybe 100. None of us knows when our distance will end...all that we need to be focused on, is where God is taking you NOW and are you living that life HE wants for you. Are you living your life for Him and Him alone? Are you trusting in Him and Him alone?
I pray Lord Jesus, that my distance can go far...not age wise, but I pray that my strength is gained through these struggles. I am blessed for what I've gone through this past year to realize all that I am now and how I feel so much stronger because of it. I know I always have a lot of work to do in this life of mine, but I'm thankful that I have you, God, right here, every day, every minute, every second...helping me and guiding me.
Thank you!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Today is the day
Isaiah 48:17
“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”
I have many anxious & nervous feelings going through me today. Today I start school again! I'm going for a second degree, 6 years after getting my first degree. I'm extremely nervous, anxious and very much humbled and asking for strength not only for today, but for the rest of this journey. I've had many feelings coming over me with joy, excitement, fear, apprehensiveness, sceptical, back to joy, some more fear.
I have so many wonders about this. Am I doing the right thing? Why am I doing this? How can I do this? Will I be able to do this? I have so many fears as well...fear of failure, fear of "this isn't made for me, like I thought", and then..."well now what?"
6 years ago I graduated and I always had some sort of thought I might be back at it, but as the years have gone by, I found that I probably never would go back. And now, here I am. I feel old, but more importantly, I feel driven. I hope my driven way right now, to do this degree, really pushes me and helps me when the studies get rough. I just hope that I am able to figure this "study stuff" out after 6 years of not doing much of that at all.
My husband and I have prayed about this day for a long while now. It's strange that I am doing this for many reasons.
Lord Jesus I just pray right now that all my fears and anxieties subside and that I focus on this. I pray that this is what I'm suppose to do. I am scared that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm in your will and what I'm suppose to be doing. When I received my books last week, I freaked out Lord. I pray that feelings go away. I pray that my nervous and wondering will go away. I pray I can be confident that this what YOU want me to be doing. Lord I pray that others opinions of me going back to school will just go away...i pray that I can't hear them! I want to be doing this because YOU want me to be doing this. I pray that I don't give up, just because that is the easier option to do. Lord...I pray I can focus!
Lord, can I do this? I pray I have strength for this year. O Lord, I thank you for this past Summer and all that you showed me! I feel blessed at how you are working my life. I pray that you continue to show me these things and continue to guide me and give me the strength. Lord, I CANNOT do this alone! I"m thankful you are here each step of the way!
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