Today was a whirlwind of emotions. It actually hit me today that I'm 2 weeks away from many things. It's a great feeling, but an incredibly scary thing. In two weeks I begin clinicals, and in two weeks I won't have my main job anymore. It's all so bittersweet.
Today I witnessed something that was real, normal, people. It's what is everyday, but at the same time, in my face. Today I witnessed my classmates and I out in the work force getting schmoozed by a potential employer. Well, that's at least how some people put it. I put it as "a pitch" for them to tell us about them. Awesome.
What I expected, but at the same time didn't expect, was to see how my classmates schmoozed at them. Again, its real, normal people. How was I not prepared for that? For some reason I was disturbed to see certain classmates act one way to them and yet when we are all in class and see each other on an every day thing, its different. It frustrated me to see how people can be so consistent in one way for the majority of the time you know them and then all of a sudden, you see them act and look another way. And the funny thing, WHEN IT MATTERS most.
So here is what I realized...
Why is it that we act one way with our every day people (friends, family...) but the minute you know someone important is watching you, you turn into this amazing person that all of a sudden has it all together?
Interesting? Nope! It's normal.
You see, what dawned on me is that is how we always act! I'm guilty, we all are. How many times do we act one way, but the minute we are among our fellow Christ-believing friends, our Pastor, or even more soooo...when we come to God for things...why is it then that we change? Why is it then that we put on that good, awesome, amazing front? Why do we dress our best then? Why do we all of sudden act all sweet and amazing then? And like everything you have to offer, is the best?
Why isn't your best, all the time...or at least try? Why is it that when it matters and everything is on the line, why then?
Isn't our life on the line all the time? Am I living my life for that of Christ? Am I living my life that is consistent with that of what I would want Christ to see ALL THE TIME? or just when it matters the most? But isn't when it matters most...all the time?
What are we waiting for? When it matters most....is daily! Not only for Christ, but for everyone else. Those around me should be seeing that, but am I showing it? Or am I just showing it when it matters to me to show it?
I was so disgusted to see what I saw today, but at the same time I did a major heart check and I'm disgusted with myself! For my daily walk is not that of what matters most. Right now, so much more things matter most...and it shouldn't be that way.
It was a hard day for me, mostly because I saw what it looks like and its what I too, looked like.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Why now?
This past weekend, it was one of those things that happened that you don't understand why. I don't know what it means, it could mean nothing. I firmly know that everything happens for a reason and I know this to be true here.
But I'm frustrated.
My husband and I have been going through some rough patches through this past year. We are open about it, people know. It's nothing serious but at the same time, just been a plain old tough year of marriage. This Winter in particular, was the low point for me. Since I hit my low and my husband finally understood what was going on, I believe we have been on the upside of this challenging year. I can go more into that later, someday, maybe!
But for now, it brings me to what happened next, this weekend.
My husband had been working in our kitchen to get a new track light put it to get more light into our kitchen. He worked on it ALL day, from 12:00noon until 9:30pm. He was in and out of our attic fixing some electrical work along with this.
I get home from work at 9:45, the new light is in...it's amazing! Usually my husband is all proud and shows off his handy work, but not that night. Instead he comes in and has a sad look on his face and expressed to me how he JUST finished now, and he was HUNGRY and then...he got all teary and said...and then I lost my wedding ring!
My heart sank! But only for a moment...because ultimately I remembered that it's just a material thing. Yeah, it's a symbol of US it's a symbol of God bring us together and becoming one. But it's still a material thing, money paid and gone. Thankfully it wasn't a really expensive ring, but that's NOT what I cared about.
My instant reaction was, "we'll find it! We'll go back up in the attic and find it!!! WE WILL, WE MUST!" My husband assured me it was gone and that it would be REALLY tough to find it. I understand that completely. BUT!
I just cried, because I'm one of those sentimental woman type and was like, BUT it's the ring I PUT on YOUR finger...its, it's...its....
yeah yeah yeah.
What has God shown me through the course of the last few days...
Again, it's material. What I know to be true is what God is in our marriage. I know that my husband loves me and I don't need a ring to prove that to anyone...neither does he.
But why now? Why when him and I have been struggling so much does this have to happen? Well, I think I just answered my own question in MY own statement pervious...
I know my husband loves me and I don't need A THING to prove that....and you know what...that's why this happened...because it has made me realize that no matter what, I have a husband who loves me, in the good and the bad and that's what marriage is. You stick together no matter what you struggle with. Honestly, in a weird way this little thing brought us a little bit closer in a way of understanding how a simple material object and what it represents.
Here is something my husband wrote to me today:
But I'm frustrated.
My husband and I have been going through some rough patches through this past year. We are open about it, people know. It's nothing serious but at the same time, just been a plain old tough year of marriage. This Winter in particular, was the low point for me. Since I hit my low and my husband finally understood what was going on, I believe we have been on the upside of this challenging year. I can go more into that later, someday, maybe!
But for now, it brings me to what happened next, this weekend.
My husband had been working in our kitchen to get a new track light put it to get more light into our kitchen. He worked on it ALL day, from 12:00noon until 9:30pm. He was in and out of our attic fixing some electrical work along with this.
I get home from work at 9:45, the new light is in...it's amazing! Usually my husband is all proud and shows off his handy work, but not that night. Instead he comes in and has a sad look on his face and expressed to me how he JUST finished now, and he was HUNGRY and then...he got all teary and said...and then I lost my wedding ring!
My heart sank! But only for a moment...because ultimately I remembered that it's just a material thing. Yeah, it's a symbol of US it's a symbol of God bring us together and becoming one. But it's still a material thing, money paid and gone. Thankfully it wasn't a really expensive ring, but that's NOT what I cared about.
My instant reaction was, "we'll find it! We'll go back up in the attic and find it!!! WE WILL, WE MUST!" My husband assured me it was gone and that it would be REALLY tough to find it. I understand that completely. BUT!
I just cried, because I'm one of those sentimental woman type and was like, BUT it's the ring I PUT on YOUR finger...its, it's...its....
yeah yeah yeah.
What has God shown me through the course of the last few days...
Again, it's material. What I know to be true is what God is in our marriage. I know that my husband loves me and I don't need a ring to prove that to anyone...neither does he.
But why now? Why when him and I have been struggling so much does this have to happen? Well, I think I just answered my own question in MY own statement pervious...
I know my husband loves me and I don't need A THING to prove that....and you know what...that's why this happened...because it has made me realize that no matter what, I have a husband who loves me, in the good and the bad and that's what marriage is. You stick together no matter what you struggle with. Honestly, in a weird way this little thing brought us a little bit closer in a way of understanding how a simple material object and what it represents.
Here is something my husband wrote to me today:
I just was thinking about you on the way to work this morning and I had an overwhelming sense of thankfulness for all that you do for me and how you are a beautiful, thoughtful, caring wife who is always there by my side.
Anyway, I feel a sense of disappointment about not having my ring on my hand. I guess I didn’t realize what it truly means to me. But now I have a clearer picture. I know that it is a symbol to me, you and our families that we are one, but to those around me I also feel like it’s a good symbol of the fact that I have a wife, a wonderful wife, who does care, who has invested her life in me, who I do want to be known for, and who I am so very proud of. I take pride in our marriage, I take pride in you, and I will always lift my head up high for you, yet humbling myself to the Lord who brought us together, and humbling myself so as not to be prideful and arrogant. I will strive to make our bond strong and to serve the Lord in any way I can, and to grow in our marriage to be an example of God’s love to those who see us.
So don’t be disheartened, I do wish to find my ring, but even without it, I know that the way I talk about my marriage, the things I speak in regards to my wife, and the perception I give people about my marriage is a much stronger symbol and example to those around me than just a ring on my hand. I will speak uplifting things, and show kindness, and forgiveness in those conversations, I will work at it and hopefully be a good example of us, with the help of the Lord. Even if I wear a $12 ring, I know it’s not the rings worth that’s worth wearing the ring, but rather the worth is in what it represents. Us.
I love you, as cheesy or repetitive as that statement sounds, I do.
Makes this wife, really happy! :) My heart was overjoyed by those words he wrote and I cherish every single one of them. I know this little thing happened for both of us to realize what a "symbol" means and it brought us back to our wedding and what it was like when we put our rings on each others fingers. I truly love my husband and I know things can get rough, but I know for a fact we can get through things when you have God on your side!
So why now? Why did my husband have to loose his ring now, on the upside of our struggles? God has a reason... :) I think all of this answers it for itself!
Thank you Lord for these little things you keep showing both of us! Thank you for my loving husband who has such a caring heart to express to me!
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Pressure Cooker
....is what I've been finding myself in a lot lately. Today, it has especially felt like one and I know these times are going to be more often, unfortunately.
I went to bed last night with a headache and I woke up with one. It has followed me throughout my day, lucky for me, not leaving me!
I was reminded from a friend to ask God to close doors and for God to open doors as needed, to get in His Word, and pray for God's leading.
It's something simple, and something we all know as the basics. But yet simply forgotten. As soon as I heard those words, I said, "duh"!
Why didn't I remember that myself!
...maybe because I'm in a pressure cooker and all my thinking is completely gone!
So once again, I'm reminder of the simple aspects of talking to God and that is pressure, is just pressure and God is bigger than it all! This pressure I'm feeling is nothing for God to handle...
Does that ease my mind, honestly, not right now...but I do know that God is here with me right now and that is all I need.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Following You
This past weekend I had the roughest and yet sweetest thoughts come through this weird brain of mine. I want to be honest. Part of the reasons I haven't posted lately isn't necessarily because I've been working 60 hour work weeks, its partly (ok, mostly) because I've been struggling inside with more things that have come out, probably finally. I thought I was dealing with them, but turns out, God says I'm not refined in this area, so it keeps coming up in my life.
I have trust issues...plain and simple. Now when most people hear that, they think I have trust issues with people. Not necessarily in my case, but I do suppose most things come back around to people being involved in them.
This summer has been really interesting. Not the typically summer I had visions, and that is just fine. Thankfully God provided me with a 2nd job on top of my 30hour job I already have. I started applying for a part time job back in early April not really serious about the thought, but if something happened, I'd see then. Most of my reason to get a 2nd job was that all that money I'd get from that job would go to pay for my schooling. I have one year left and so far it's all paid for. I had applied for Financial Aid back in early March as a back up plan if I couldn't get enough saved up to pay for it come August. Well, a job happened and I'm happy to say that my Fall semester is paid in full; books and all! :) It's a great feeling, now I'm trying to figure out Spring semester already and how that will be paid for. But anyways...that is why my summer has not been the typical. The typical this summer has been is 60 hour work weeks and no real time off to do anything FUN.
It's been worth the schooling being paid for, but that has also come at a cost.
God has thrown little, ok, maybe big, things my way to see if I trust in this way. You don't necessarily realize it when you are in, but looking back to even June, I can see it now.
It started with searching for a vehicle. Ok, when I say that work myself, I instantly get tense. This could be a long story, but I'll be quick. Basically, I have 2 views on this subject. I want a car, I need a car. Both true. I want a car because I'd like a better car that runs and that I can rely on come winter. I need a car, well, for those same reasons. Come July, we actually purchased a vehicle for me. It was the most stressful 24 hours of my life...I'M NOT KIDDING!! Why? Well, when you have 2 vehicles PAID FOR and now you are talking about a payment again, because we couldn't wait long enough to save up more money, yeah, it gets tense for this gal. On top of that, feeling guilty about getting a vehicle when in reality, our OLD vehicle worked JUST fine besides the whole reliable thing in the winter. I didn't NEED it, I WANTED this vehicle because it was nice and NEWER, not new, newer!
That night after purchasing the vehicle I woke up with panic attack. I've never experienced this before and I'll say this, I don't like them! It's the worst feeling to go through...well, thus far in my life. I woke up hard to breathe, couldn't breathe, wanted to cry, but couldn't because i was so worked up. I was shaking and I was sweaty. I woke my hubby up and I tried to tell him what was going on through my brain, but it was hard. Poor guy, the things I put him through. Well needless to say, I had terrible regrets about this decisions we made. But we made it, so OK. Trust now that He will help you through this time.
Second thing God has been doing is in the little things. I woke up on Friday night sleep with yet another panic attack, but not nearly like the other one. This one, was brought on by myself, I do believe. Yah see, lately I have been fearing EVERYTHING. Like from the health of my heart (family members have had heart attacks), to finances, to possessions being save, to who knows what goes through this brain! So on Friday I woke up sweating and with a pain in my chest area. I get this a lot and I freak out because I feel like something is going on with my heart. But yet, every time I do this, and I stop stressing, it goes away. I've had heart tests done a few years ago when this first happened and everything with my heart is great. Anyways, that's another long story. So I thought, O boy, I'm going to die...this is it, I'm actually probably having a heart attack right now. I woke my hubby up freaking out once again...and he was rather annoyed, I could tell. He didn't want to console me, he just said lay down and go to sleep! hahaha...I had a hard time getting over this pain and getting over my stress. I tried to explain to him the stress I feel in the little things. He understands me, but I told him I'm so tired of everyone telling me to "get over it and trust." I know, my brain knows. But my heart can't follow for some reason. I'm tired of MYSELF not getting it already!! I broke down as I just wanted the weight of this to go away. My sweet husband said a prayer for me and calmed me down.
HERE'S THE COOL PART...
That next day, or evening, we went out for dinner where we were on vacation at and we were at a little place that was on a lake and you could see/walk out on the peer. It was really pretty. Well I was eating away and talking with who we were with and I couldn't help but be drawn to a dad and his daughter. I kept watching them on the peer and after a while I stopped what I was doing and just watched them. The most beautiful picture God gave me in those moments.
This dad was following his 2 year old daughter around about 2-4 feet behind her all the time. He let her go where ever she wanted to explore and go. When it got a little close to the edge of the peer, he got closer to her and sometimes even took her hand. I smiled. I watched this for about 10 minutes. A little while later after her dad let her explore and look at things, he took her hand and led her to a different location and she followed him. It was in that moment that I realized what God was revealing to me. God has been letting me explore and find my way, with Him closely behind me. He's gently guided me along this way. And now, He is telling me to take his hand and follow him and trust him to lead me a different way. My way was OK and He was there for me through it all and helped me, but now He is telling me that I can't do it on my own and to trust Him to take me the rest of the way through this pain I feel, this stress I have. I can't help but smile knowing that image was just for me that night.
I know this is a process and I need to learn to take God's hand and let Him take care of these little (sometimes they feel big) stresses in my life. I'm learning and I'm trusting, little by little, that in these situations, every situation, God had a plan long before I can do anything about it. I need to take one day by day.
I have trust issues...plain and simple. Now when most people hear that, they think I have trust issues with people. Not necessarily in my case, but I do suppose most things come back around to people being involved in them.
This summer has been really interesting. Not the typically summer I had visions, and that is just fine. Thankfully God provided me with a 2nd job on top of my 30hour job I already have. I started applying for a part time job back in early April not really serious about the thought, but if something happened, I'd see then. Most of my reason to get a 2nd job was that all that money I'd get from that job would go to pay for my schooling. I have one year left and so far it's all paid for. I had applied for Financial Aid back in early March as a back up plan if I couldn't get enough saved up to pay for it come August. Well, a job happened and I'm happy to say that my Fall semester is paid in full; books and all! :) It's a great feeling, now I'm trying to figure out Spring semester already and how that will be paid for. But anyways...that is why my summer has not been the typical. The typical this summer has been is 60 hour work weeks and no real time off to do anything FUN.
It's been worth the schooling being paid for, but that has also come at a cost.
God has thrown little, ok, maybe big, things my way to see if I trust in this way. You don't necessarily realize it when you are in, but looking back to even June, I can see it now.
It started with searching for a vehicle. Ok, when I say that work myself, I instantly get tense. This could be a long story, but I'll be quick. Basically, I have 2 views on this subject. I want a car, I need a car. Both true. I want a car because I'd like a better car that runs and that I can rely on come winter. I need a car, well, for those same reasons. Come July, we actually purchased a vehicle for me. It was the most stressful 24 hours of my life...I'M NOT KIDDING!! Why? Well, when you have 2 vehicles PAID FOR and now you are talking about a payment again, because we couldn't wait long enough to save up more money, yeah, it gets tense for this gal. On top of that, feeling guilty about getting a vehicle when in reality, our OLD vehicle worked JUST fine besides the whole reliable thing in the winter. I didn't NEED it, I WANTED this vehicle because it was nice and NEWER, not new, newer!
That night after purchasing the vehicle I woke up with panic attack. I've never experienced this before and I'll say this, I don't like them! It's the worst feeling to go through...well, thus far in my life. I woke up hard to breathe, couldn't breathe, wanted to cry, but couldn't because i was so worked up. I was shaking and I was sweaty. I woke my hubby up and I tried to tell him what was going on through my brain, but it was hard. Poor guy, the things I put him through. Well needless to say, I had terrible regrets about this decisions we made. But we made it, so OK. Trust now that He will help you through this time.
Second thing God has been doing is in the little things. I woke up on Friday night sleep with yet another panic attack, but not nearly like the other one. This one, was brought on by myself, I do believe. Yah see, lately I have been fearing EVERYTHING. Like from the health of my heart (family members have had heart attacks), to finances, to possessions being save, to who knows what goes through this brain! So on Friday I woke up sweating and with a pain in my chest area. I get this a lot and I freak out because I feel like something is going on with my heart. But yet, every time I do this, and I stop stressing, it goes away. I've had heart tests done a few years ago when this first happened and everything with my heart is great. Anyways, that's another long story. So I thought, O boy, I'm going to die...this is it, I'm actually probably having a heart attack right now. I woke my hubby up freaking out once again...and he was rather annoyed, I could tell. He didn't want to console me, he just said lay down and go to sleep! hahaha...I had a hard time getting over this pain and getting over my stress. I tried to explain to him the stress I feel in the little things. He understands me, but I told him I'm so tired of everyone telling me to "get over it and trust." I know, my brain knows. But my heart can't follow for some reason. I'm tired of MYSELF not getting it already!! I broke down as I just wanted the weight of this to go away. My sweet husband said a prayer for me and calmed me down.
HERE'S THE COOL PART...
That next day, or evening, we went out for dinner where we were on vacation at and we were at a little place that was on a lake and you could see/walk out on the peer. It was really pretty. Well I was eating away and talking with who we were with and I couldn't help but be drawn to a dad and his daughter. I kept watching them on the peer and after a while I stopped what I was doing and just watched them. The most beautiful picture God gave me in those moments.
This dad was following his 2 year old daughter around about 2-4 feet behind her all the time. He let her go where ever she wanted to explore and go. When it got a little close to the edge of the peer, he got closer to her and sometimes even took her hand. I smiled. I watched this for about 10 minutes. A little while later after her dad let her explore and look at things, he took her hand and led her to a different location and she followed him. It was in that moment that I realized what God was revealing to me. God has been letting me explore and find my way, with Him closely behind me. He's gently guided me along this way. And now, He is telling me to take his hand and follow him and trust him to lead me a different way. My way was OK and He was there for me through it all and helped me, but now He is telling me that I can't do it on my own and to trust Him to take me the rest of the way through this pain I feel, this stress I have. I can't help but smile knowing that image was just for me that night.
I know this is a process and I need to learn to take God's hand and let Him take care of these little (sometimes they feel big) stresses in my life. I'm learning and I'm trusting, little by little, that in these situations, every situation, God had a plan long before I can do anything about it. I need to take one day by day.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Growing Weary
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
~Isaiah 40:28-31~
The last few days have taken a toll on me. Maybe not days, maybe its been the last 2 months, since I started 2 jobs up again. I won't complain, I love having 2 jobs and I knew doing this, that I was going to be sacrificing things in my life. This week I think it finally caught up to me. I don't regret the decision to have 2 jobs, as I knew going into it was for a really good reason. If you remember, I'm back in school after 7 years of graduating with my Associates Degree. Back at it. Well, my husband I knew going into school that it obviously was going to cost $$. Last year, I was only in a couple of classes each semester, so the cost each semester we could handle as a monthly payment to the school. So first year...paid for, debt free. :) Great feeling. Well when I registered for classes this Spring for the Fall 2013 semester, I knew it was going to be much more, and boy is it, it's double what we were paying. Something we couldn't do out of pocket as a monthly payment come Fall 2013 semester. So the decision for me was easy, get another job and pay for it all right away! And that's what I'm doing.
I've been working my 2nd job for 2 months now, and if it wasn't for me purchasing a bow (for my Birthday), we would have the first semester completely paid for already!! What an awesome accomplishment! :) So since I paid for my bow out of this money, I'm now not quiet there yet, but I'm half way! For sure by August 8 (when tuition is due), I'll have it! I know that God is honoring my hard work and our desire to have this paid for debt free. I did apply for financial aid, but I still haven't heard from it. And I think there is a reason why...God doesn't want us to use it. And I don't either!
Anyways...the last 2 months, I think have finally caught up to me. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I've been working 30 hours at both jobs with only 2 days off in a 2 week period. Yes, I signed up for this and I knew it was going to be like this. But this week, on Wednesday when I came home from the one job, I just started to cry. My poor husband was like, "huh?" I told just cried and said I'm tired...I need more time! Thankfully I married an incredible encourager and he assured me that I have 2 more days left and then I have 2 days off!! I was almost there! OK! I can do this!
The next day I text a dear friend of mine from LaCrosse area and asked her to pray for me as she tends to pop in my head at great times and I know the same happens with her. The beauty of her is that when I pop in her head, she prays for me right way, without knowing what is going. I want to be more like that. So I just text her and let her know I was tired and that a lot was going on my mind that I needed prayer for. I didn't need to give her specifics and she just prayed and she sent me the verse that was listed at the top her. It was JUST what I needed! Thanks my dear friend...God knew what I needed and He allowed that to come through you! Thank you for your diligence in your prayer life!
My point...just when I feel I can't do another hour of work and that "why am I doing this?" attitude pops up in my head, this verse has been my saving grace at the moment. And my dear friends works "this is for a season, it will pass and it will all be worth it!" I know this to be true. I know that this is a season in my life and I will soon have school paid for and done with so that I can enjoy life again. My hardest thing right now is all I do is work, sleep, work, sleep, eat at times, work, sleep, work, eat...at if I really am motivated, I go for a run.
Speaking of a run and this verse! Here is a great example of God's strength when you are weak:
On Wednesday, after working a 9 hour day, all on my feet, only sitting for literally 10 minutes ONLY, I promised a friend that I would workout with her at the gym and do P90X. If you don't know what P90X is, it's a great, intense, workout. Wednesday night happened to be Plyo night (that means all legs!) I was like, great...just what I need after a long day on my feet to begin with. But I plugged through the workout with her and an hour later (that's how long it is), we were done. I wanted to go for a run so badly, because it's my way of de-stressing and just being FREE. So I go home and that's when I broke down crying. I was so exhausted. But my lovely husband was like, "OK, OP (our dog) is waiting for him, take him for a run!" I just sighed and said, "OK, lets go!" Why? I have NO idea what I said yes to this! I was exhausted and my legs were already in pain and telling me to sit. But o no, I go for a run instead.
Off we go. My hubby on his bike, dog in my hand, me running.
I thought, OK, we'll only go half of what we normally do (we normally do 5 miles on this particular path). My husband even said, just do a light jog. HA, me, do a light jog, you know fair well that I don't HALF do something! If' i'm going to run, i'm going to run.
We ran the ENTIRE thing and not only that, I did it in a record time for us!! :) How? Honestly, that night I had no idea. I had to re-look at my watch and re-calculate the time just to make sure I was right...and it was. I was still like, no way!
But the next day, when I text my dear friend and she sent me that verse, that is when it hit me. God was giving me the strength when I didn't have it. It was NOT me that did that...it was all God. I loved every minute of that run that night. It felt SO good to just let go and be outside and NOT working. And to me, God was saying, enjoy it, and I'll give you what you need to get through it. Thank you Jesus! It was such a blessing to me to have that time running!
God knew I needed it and He gave just the right amount of strength to complete my day that day. ALL on my feet. :( But I did it, because God was my feet and legs that day and will be everyday!
Monday, June 17, 2013
The love of a Father
As a thought to Father's Day, I figured I would share my thoughts on this special day.
I have been truly blessed to have a father in my life to this day. My papa is something special, a one of a kind. :) I feel extremely blessed, as I know many people never met there father, have one, but don't have a relationship with him, or did but has since passed on. I'm grateful for every single year that I get to share with my papa...it's a true blessing in life, the LOVE a father gives.
My papa and I weren't always the best of buds. In fact, to me, more like something I feared. Why? Well, ya see, as I've learned over the last 10 years of my life, him and I are something of the same breed! hahaha. Since we tend to be A LOT alike, we rubbed heads A LOT, more than our fair share of times we both would have liked I'm sure. I remember so many times as a kid how frustrated I got and how I didn't understand how he didn't understand me. hahaha...funny right? My papa and I both are rather strong willed people and we both like to have our way and we both think our way, is the RIGHT and ONLY way. So imagine that all growing up and then for me, as a teen. yeah, YIKES, for everyone involved!
Thankfully, my papa stood beside me through all of this and we realized eventually what it was the rubbed us the wrong way in our relationship. It only took some 20 years, but once I matured a little bit and understood how my life was becoming and once he understood who I was as well, man, it was pure joy for our relationship. Understanding this made a huge difference and I'm so glad that we figured it out.
I have ALWAYS admired my papa and his personality. I like that fact that I take after him and he has taught me SO darn much in life that I can't even say how that has impacted my life. I'm grateful for the work ethic that he instilled in us kids lives. My brothers and me work hard for what we want in life. He taught us to work hard for what you want and if you work hard for what you want, you can get it. Boy, has the proven right in our lives. I see my brothers and the hard workers they are in their jobs and in both of their families. They are both great dads now because of the way my dad was to them. Because he taught us to work hard, my brothers have provided great things for their families. For me, I'm still working hard, and at 28 years old, I'm back in school working hard to get a different degree (and for that matter, should have listened to him 10 years ago to go in the Medical Field, sorry dad!) :)
Just the other day, my manager at work told me that I don't stop and I keep wanting more to do. There was a gal that had just quit, probably about 5 years younger than me. And one of the reasons why she quit was "I'm tired of the BS." My manager and I talked about that and he said it was because she didn't want to work and that "kids" these days think everything should get handed to them and should come easy. I told, geez, I hope you don't think that about me. He stopped me and just said, "o gosh No...you've only been here 2 months and you've worked harder than most have their entire time being employed! You definitely know how to work hard for stuff!" Here is a guy, a manager, that I've only know for less than 2 months and he could pick up on this. I thought of my papa right away and was truly thankful for him because he is the one that taught me this work ethic. Both of my parents taught me and us kids how to work hard for what you want. They NEVER handed us ANYTHING. If we wanted a car, OK, go get a job and then get one. But they weren't paying for it. You want a car, great, you go the $$, now pay for your own gas and to fix it. We won't. I'm SO SO SOOOO glad they did that. As hard and frustrating as it was some days, to see your friends getting handed everything in life from clothes all the time, to cars, to electronics...I'm so glad I never got them without ME working for it. I appreciate the stuff more and I know what it means to get it!
Mostly, I"m so thankful for the love my papa gives me each and every day. Again, my papa and I butted head a lot as I grew up and I didn't always think my papa loved me. I know he did. And vis versa, I'm sure he didn't think I loved him or appreciate him. But I did! I'm thankful for today, and for the love my papa shows through and through. I know it took years for us to figure out HOW to show it to each other, but I'm so blessed to have a father who loves me and cares deeply for me and for my life choices. I couldn't imagine any better papa and I couldn't imagine how I'd be if I didn't have MY papa in my life. My life is how it is because of him. I thank the Lord for the papa I have and the lives my papa has touched, not just mine.
The influence a father has on his children is very impactful. But for those who can't experience the love of a father like my papa has given, know that there is a greater love of the Father, the Lord Jesus Christ. God love is unfailing and always giving. He will never fail you and will never turn from you. Our earthly fathers make mistakes, yes, that's human nature. But if your father has failed you and you can't experience a papas love, the great love you can have is that from the Heavenly Father himself. I know that His love is always there for me and when I feel like everything else around me is terrible and not right, God the Father is always there. My dad can't always be there for me, that's not humanly possible. But God can, and I'm so grateful for the love our Heavenly Father gives us.
I thank you Lord Jesus for the love you given all of us. I thank you for blessing me with such an incredible, loving papa for all 28 years of MY life. He has touched so many peoples loves, I thank you for what you have done in his life to make him who he is today as a papa, a husband, a friend, a brother...Thank you for my papa and what he has taught me. Thank you that when I can't be with my papa all the time, that you will ALWAYS provide me with the ultimate love a Father can give. I feel so blessed to have my papa in my life. I pray that you continue to give him wisdom and guidance in his life. Give him peace and joy and give him courage when he needs it most. There is so much that weighs heavy on a fathers shoulders with all the decisions in life, I pray that you continue to guide him and continue to poor your love onto my papa. Thank you for him and what he means to me in my life.
I have been truly blessed to have a father in my life to this day. My papa is something special, a one of a kind. :) I feel extremely blessed, as I know many people never met there father, have one, but don't have a relationship with him, or did but has since passed on. I'm grateful for every single year that I get to share with my papa...it's a true blessing in life, the LOVE a father gives.
My papa and I weren't always the best of buds. In fact, to me, more like something I feared. Why? Well, ya see, as I've learned over the last 10 years of my life, him and I are something of the same breed! hahaha. Since we tend to be A LOT alike, we rubbed heads A LOT, more than our fair share of times we both would have liked I'm sure. I remember so many times as a kid how frustrated I got and how I didn't understand how he didn't understand me. hahaha...funny right? My papa and I both are rather strong willed people and we both like to have our way and we both think our way, is the RIGHT and ONLY way. So imagine that all growing up and then for me, as a teen. yeah, YIKES, for everyone involved!
Thankfully, my papa stood beside me through all of this and we realized eventually what it was the rubbed us the wrong way in our relationship. It only took some 20 years, but once I matured a little bit and understood how my life was becoming and once he understood who I was as well, man, it was pure joy for our relationship. Understanding this made a huge difference and I'm so glad that we figured it out.
I have ALWAYS admired my papa and his personality. I like that fact that I take after him and he has taught me SO darn much in life that I can't even say how that has impacted my life. I'm grateful for the work ethic that he instilled in us kids lives. My brothers and me work hard for what we want in life. He taught us to work hard for what you want and if you work hard for what you want, you can get it. Boy, has the proven right in our lives. I see my brothers and the hard workers they are in their jobs and in both of their families. They are both great dads now because of the way my dad was to them. Because he taught us to work hard, my brothers have provided great things for their families. For me, I'm still working hard, and at 28 years old, I'm back in school working hard to get a different degree (and for that matter, should have listened to him 10 years ago to go in the Medical Field, sorry dad!) :)
Just the other day, my manager at work told me that I don't stop and I keep wanting more to do. There was a gal that had just quit, probably about 5 years younger than me. And one of the reasons why she quit was "I'm tired of the BS." My manager and I talked about that and he said it was because she didn't want to work and that "kids" these days think everything should get handed to them and should come easy. I told, geez, I hope you don't think that about me. He stopped me and just said, "o gosh No...you've only been here 2 months and you've worked harder than most have their entire time being employed! You definitely know how to work hard for stuff!" Here is a guy, a manager, that I've only know for less than 2 months and he could pick up on this. I thought of my papa right away and was truly thankful for him because he is the one that taught me this work ethic. Both of my parents taught me and us kids how to work hard for what you want. They NEVER handed us ANYTHING. If we wanted a car, OK, go get a job and then get one. But they weren't paying for it. You want a car, great, you go the $$, now pay for your own gas and to fix it. We won't. I'm SO SO SOOOO glad they did that. As hard and frustrating as it was some days, to see your friends getting handed everything in life from clothes all the time, to cars, to electronics...I'm so glad I never got them without ME working for it. I appreciate the stuff more and I know what it means to get it!
Mostly, I"m so thankful for the love my papa gives me each and every day. Again, my papa and I butted head a lot as I grew up and I didn't always think my papa loved me. I know he did. And vis versa, I'm sure he didn't think I loved him or appreciate him. But I did! I'm thankful for today, and for the love my papa shows through and through. I know it took years for us to figure out HOW to show it to each other, but I'm so blessed to have a father who loves me and cares deeply for me and for my life choices. I couldn't imagine any better papa and I couldn't imagine how I'd be if I didn't have MY papa in my life. My life is how it is because of him. I thank the Lord for the papa I have and the lives my papa has touched, not just mine.
The influence a father has on his children is very impactful. But for those who can't experience the love of a father like my papa has given, know that there is a greater love of the Father, the Lord Jesus Christ. God love is unfailing and always giving. He will never fail you and will never turn from you. Our earthly fathers make mistakes, yes, that's human nature. But if your father has failed you and you can't experience a papas love, the great love you can have is that from the Heavenly Father himself. I know that His love is always there for me and when I feel like everything else around me is terrible and not right, God the Father is always there. My dad can't always be there for me, that's not humanly possible. But God can, and I'm so grateful for the love our Heavenly Father gives us.
I thank you Lord Jesus for the love you given all of us. I thank you for blessing me with such an incredible, loving papa for all 28 years of MY life. He has touched so many peoples loves, I thank you for what you have done in his life to make him who he is today as a papa, a husband, a friend, a brother...Thank you for my papa and what he has taught me. Thank you that when I can't be with my papa all the time, that you will ALWAYS provide me with the ultimate love a Father can give. I feel so blessed to have my papa in my life. I pray that you continue to give him wisdom and guidance in his life. Give him peace and joy and give him courage when he needs it most. There is so much that weighs heavy on a fathers shoulders with all the decisions in life, I pray that you continue to guide him and continue to poor your love onto my papa. Thank you for him and what he means to me in my life.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Weeding Your Garden
Today I took some time and tended to my very own, first garden of my life. I have been waiting for this Spring/Summer for years, so that I could finally plant my own garden and tend to it and watch it grown and enjoy the benefits from it.
Since we bought our house last year at the end of May and didn't really move in til end of June, we didn't have time to make up a garden. I've been planning all Winter for where it should go (we had to actually make a spot for it, no existing one), and what all I wanted to grow in it.
Once the time was right, we spend an entire day just rotatilling the location of the land. It was actually rather fun, but yet, I wasn't the one doing the HARD work. :) My poor husband.
Anyways...
here is what the process has been for us...
We planted:
Green Peppers
Cucumbers
4 different Tomatoes
Jalapeno Peppers
Lettuce
Carrots
I'm using this year as a trial year to see how things go with the location and soil we have first, and then I plan on making adjustments.
So when I went to go see my garden tonight after work, I realized I have been failing to upkeep my poor little guys growing. Sure they have been watered, but they needed so much more than that. They needed some good ol' TLC.
Here is what my garden looked like:
Pretty sad, right? Yeah, I was sad. I finally had the time and NEEDED to clean up my garden for my poor little veggies to grow!
I started out, thinking, ah, this will be a cinch; it'll only take me a 1/2 hour to do this MAX.
As I started and worked my way through, I soon realized that if I wanted to truly care for these plants, I needed to till up the ground a little and really get everything out for them. There was some little rocks mixed in, weeds, old roots, and other odds things. I thought to myself, "I don't remember the soil being this bad and mix with odd things like this when I planted this stuff!" At any rate, I started to think about this.
My life, Your life, is no different than this garden.
I am a pepper plant, lets say, and I'm newly planted and trying to take off on this journey and produce some awesome "fruits" as they say and blossom in this world. In my peppers case, trying to produce some amazingly delicious peppers for me. :)
But along the way, along your journey of GETTING planting, you run into some weeds or some things get you off track. You might still be there and alive, but you aren't truly able to spread out and blossom, because there is debre in your life that needs to get cleaned up. My garden had a LOT of debre and things in the soil that I didn't think was there, but somehow was. Doesn't matter where or how it got there, it was there, and I needed to tend to it and clean it up.
God does that for us. He cleans up our lives, IF we let Him. Junk might sit in your life for days, weeks, months...and it will hinder your walk and hinder your journey that you are suppose to be on. If you don't allow the caretaker to get ride of the rocks and weeds in your life, your roots won't get firmly planted and you won't be able to produce what God is trying to do in your life. He might have something BIG for you and you don't even know it. But are you allowing Him to work in your life and tend to your life so that you can?
It really hit me when I was weeding and pulling little rocks out of the soil. I just thought, man, how could I let my garden get like this, it hasn't even been that long since I planted it. But the truth is, you might think your soil is rich and well nourished, but until you dig out past the surface, will the true colors of the soil be revealed.
Honestly, right now my life (my soil) isn't very rich. It needs to get some weeds and rocks out of it.
The 1/2 hour I thought it would take me MAX to weed my garden, wasn't even close. It took me nearly 2 hours to complete such a small garden. I looked at that once I got done and thought. huh...here I thought it would be a quick weed and it would be over with for a little while. Just like in my life, sometimes the weeds take weeks or months to get ride of. It takes time to refine your life. Some things might not take too much time, but the reality is, the more time you tend to your garden, the more rich your soil will become and the happier your plants will be.
How much time am I tending to my life, to my spiritual life right now? How rich is it because of that?
I'll answer...my time for God is minimal. I have excuses, but those mean NOTHING. I'm doing NOTHING right now in my life to make my soil rich. In fact, I feel like I'm LETTING weeds grow right now. Why? Good question, I have no idea. The funny, sad thing is...I know how rich my soil should be and can be. But yet I'm choosing to let my soil go for a period of time.
I know it will take time, even as I write this, to tend to myself and let God weed me out. I'm asking for that right now, for God, will you please weed me? I need some weeds pulled because they are causing me to not grow and they are causing my surroundings to suffer as well.
I want my soil and my life to be rich for you. It might take weeks or months for you Lord to work in my life to get these weeds out, maybe not. But I'm here and willing to take that time with you and asking for your help. Please be patience with me as the weeds might be not want to come out right away.
I hope that in the end...I can have an end result like this:
Since we bought our house last year at the end of May and didn't really move in til end of June, we didn't have time to make up a garden. I've been planning all Winter for where it should go (we had to actually make a spot for it, no existing one), and what all I wanted to grow in it.
Once the time was right, we spend an entire day just rotatilling the location of the land. It was actually rather fun, but yet, I wasn't the one doing the HARD work. :) My poor husband.
Anyways...
here is what the process has been for us...
We planted:
Green Peppers
Cucumbers
4 different Tomatoes
Jalapeno Peppers
Lettuce
Carrots
I'm using this year as a trial year to see how things go with the location and soil we have first, and then I plan on making adjustments.
So when I went to go see my garden tonight after work, I realized I have been failing to upkeep my poor little guys growing. Sure they have been watered, but they needed so much more than that. They needed some good ol' TLC.
Here is what my garden looked like:
I started out, thinking, ah, this will be a cinch; it'll only take me a 1/2 hour to do this MAX.
As I started and worked my way through, I soon realized that if I wanted to truly care for these plants, I needed to till up the ground a little and really get everything out for them. There was some little rocks mixed in, weeds, old roots, and other odds things. I thought to myself, "I don't remember the soil being this bad and mix with odd things like this when I planted this stuff!" At any rate, I started to think about this.
My life, Your life, is no different than this garden.
I am a pepper plant, lets say, and I'm newly planted and trying to take off on this journey and produce some awesome "fruits" as they say and blossom in this world. In my peppers case, trying to produce some amazingly delicious peppers for me. :)
But along the way, along your journey of GETTING planting, you run into some weeds or some things get you off track. You might still be there and alive, but you aren't truly able to spread out and blossom, because there is debre in your life that needs to get cleaned up. My garden had a LOT of debre and things in the soil that I didn't think was there, but somehow was. Doesn't matter where or how it got there, it was there, and I needed to tend to it and clean it up.
God does that for us. He cleans up our lives, IF we let Him. Junk might sit in your life for days, weeks, months...and it will hinder your walk and hinder your journey that you are suppose to be on. If you don't allow the caretaker to get ride of the rocks and weeds in your life, your roots won't get firmly planted and you won't be able to produce what God is trying to do in your life. He might have something BIG for you and you don't even know it. But are you allowing Him to work in your life and tend to your life so that you can?
It really hit me when I was weeding and pulling little rocks out of the soil. I just thought, man, how could I let my garden get like this, it hasn't even been that long since I planted it. But the truth is, you might think your soil is rich and well nourished, but until you dig out past the surface, will the true colors of the soil be revealed.
Honestly, right now my life (my soil) isn't very rich. It needs to get some weeds and rocks out of it.
The 1/2 hour I thought it would take me MAX to weed my garden, wasn't even close. It took me nearly 2 hours to complete such a small garden. I looked at that once I got done and thought. huh...here I thought it would be a quick weed and it would be over with for a little while. Just like in my life, sometimes the weeds take weeks or months to get ride of. It takes time to refine your life. Some things might not take too much time, but the reality is, the more time you tend to your garden, the more rich your soil will become and the happier your plants will be.
How much time am I tending to my life, to my spiritual life right now? How rich is it because of that?
I'll answer...my time for God is minimal. I have excuses, but those mean NOTHING. I'm doing NOTHING right now in my life to make my soil rich. In fact, I feel like I'm LETTING weeds grow right now. Why? Good question, I have no idea. The funny, sad thing is...I know how rich my soil should be and can be. But yet I'm choosing to let my soil go for a period of time.
I know it will take time, even as I write this, to tend to myself and let God weed me out. I'm asking for that right now, for God, will you please weed me? I need some weeds pulled because they are causing me to not grow and they are causing my surroundings to suffer as well.
I want my soil and my life to be rich for you. It might take weeks or months for you Lord to work in my life to get these weeds out, maybe not. But I'm here and willing to take that time with you and asking for your help. Please be patience with me as the weeds might be not want to come out right away.
I hope that in the end...I can have an end result like this:
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