Following You

This past weekend I had the roughest and yet sweetest thoughts come through this weird brain of mine. I want to be honest. Part of the reasons I haven't posted lately isn't necessarily because I've been working 60 hour work weeks, its partly (ok, mostly) because I've been struggling inside with more things that have come out, probably finally. I thought I was dealing with them, but turns out, God says I'm not refined in this area, so it keeps coming up in my life.
I have trust issues...plain and simple. Now when most people hear that, they think I have trust issues with people. Not necessarily in my case, but I do suppose most things come back around to people being involved in them.
This summer has been really interesting. Not the typically summer I had visions, and that is just fine. Thankfully God provided me with a 2nd job on top of my 30hour job I already have. I started applying for a part time job back in early April not really serious about the thought, but if something happened, I'd see then. Most of my reason to get a 2nd job was that all that money I'd get from that job would go to pay for my schooling. I have one year left and so far it's all paid for. I had applied for Financial Aid back in early March as a back up plan if I couldn't get enough saved up to pay for it come August. Well, a job happened and I'm happy to say that my Fall semester is paid in full; books and all! :) It's a great feeling, now I'm trying to figure out Spring semester already and how that will be paid for. But anyways...that is why my summer has not been the typical. The typical this summer has been is 60 hour work weeks and no real time off to do anything FUN.
It's been worth the schooling being paid for, but that has also come at a cost.
God has thrown little, ok, maybe big, things my way to see if I trust in this way. You don't necessarily realize it when you are in, but looking back to even June, I can see it now.
It started with searching for a vehicle. Ok, when I say that work myself, I instantly get tense. This could be a long story, but I'll be quick. Basically, I have 2 views on this subject. I want a car, I need a car. Both true. I want a car because I'd like a better car that runs and that I can rely on come winter. I need a car, well, for those same reasons. Come July, we actually purchased a vehicle for me. It was the most stressful 24 hours of my life...I'M NOT KIDDING!! Why? Well, when you have 2 vehicles PAID FOR and now you are talking about a payment again, because we couldn't wait long enough to save up more money, yeah, it gets tense for this gal. On top of that, feeling guilty about getting a vehicle when in reality, our OLD vehicle worked JUST fine besides the whole reliable thing in the winter. I didn't NEED it, I WANTED this vehicle because it was nice and NEWER, not new, newer!
That night after purchasing the vehicle I woke up with panic attack. I've never experienced this before and I'll say this, I don't like them! It's the worst feeling to go through...well, thus far in my life. I woke up hard to breathe, couldn't breathe, wanted to cry, but couldn't because i was so worked up. I was shaking and I was sweaty. I woke my hubby up and I tried to tell him what was going on through my brain, but it was hard. Poor guy, the things I put him through. Well needless to say, I had terrible regrets about this decisions we made. But we made it, so OK. Trust now that He will help you through this time.
Second thing God has been doing is in the little things. I woke up on Friday night sleep with yet another panic attack, but not nearly like the other one. This one, was brought on by myself, I do believe. Yah see, lately I have been fearing EVERYTHING. Like from the health of my heart (family members have had heart attacks), to finances, to possessions being save, to who knows what goes through this brain! So on Friday I woke up sweating and with a pain in my chest area. I get this a lot and I freak out because I feel like something is going on with my heart. But yet, every time I do this, and I stop stressing, it goes away. I've had heart tests done a few years ago when this first happened and everything with my heart is great. Anyways, that's another long story. So I thought, O boy, I'm going to die...this is it, I'm actually probably having a heart attack right now. I woke my hubby up freaking out once again...and he was rather annoyed, I could tell. He didn't want to console me, he just said lay down and go to sleep! hahaha...I had a hard time getting over this pain and getting over my stress. I tried to explain to him the stress I feel in the little things. He understands me, but I told him I'm so tired of everyone telling me to "get over it and trust." I know, my brain knows. But my heart can't follow for some reason. I'm tired of MYSELF not getting it already!! I broke down as I just wanted the weight of this to go away. My sweet husband said a prayer for me and calmed me down.

HERE'S THE COOL PART...

That next day, or evening, we went out for dinner where we were on vacation at and we were at a little place that was on a lake and you could see/walk out on the peer. It was really pretty. Well I was eating away and talking with who we were with and I couldn't help but be drawn to a dad and his daughter. I kept watching them on the peer and after a while I stopped what I was doing and just watched them. The most beautiful picture God gave me in those moments.
This dad was following his 2 year old daughter around about 2-4 feet behind her all the time. He let her go where ever she wanted to explore and go. When it got a little close to the edge of the peer, he got closer to her and sometimes even took her hand. I smiled. I watched this for about 10 minutes. A little while later after her dad let her explore and look at things, he took her hand and led her to a different location and she followed him. It was in that moment that I realized what God was revealing to me. God has been letting me explore and find my way, with Him closely behind me. He's gently guided me along this way. And now, He is telling me to take his hand and follow him and trust him to lead me a different way. My way was OK and He was there for me through it all and helped me, but now He is telling me that I can't do it on my own and to trust Him to take me the rest of the way through this pain I feel, this stress I have. I can't help but smile knowing that image was just for me that night.
I know this is a process and I need to learn to take God's hand and let Him take care of these little (sometimes they feel big) stresses in my life. I'm learning and I'm trusting, little by little, that in these situations, every situation, God had a plan long before I can do anything about it. I need to take one day by day.

Growing Weary

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

~Isaiah 40:28-31~

The last few days have taken a toll on me. Maybe not days, maybe its been the last 2 months, since I started 2 jobs up again. I won't complain, I love having 2 jobs and I knew doing this, that I was going to be sacrificing things in my life. This week I think it finally caught up to me. I don't regret the decision to have 2 jobs, as I knew going into it was for a really good reason. If you remember, I'm back in school after 7 years of graduating with my Associates Degree. Back at it. Well, my husband I knew going into school that it obviously was going to cost $$. Last year, I was only in a couple of classes each semester, so the cost each semester we could handle as a monthly payment to the school. So first year...paid for, debt free. :) Great feeling. Well when I registered for classes this Spring for the Fall 2013 semester, I knew it was going to be much more, and boy is it, it's double what we were paying. Something we couldn't do out of pocket as a monthly payment come Fall 2013 semester. So the decision for me was easy, get another job and pay for it all right away! And that's what I'm doing.
I've been working my 2nd job for 2 months now, and if it wasn't for me purchasing a bow (for my Birthday), we would have the first semester completely paid for already!! What an awesome accomplishment! :) So since I paid for my bow out of this money, I'm now not quiet there yet, but I'm half way! For sure by August 8 (when tuition is due), I'll have it! I know that God is honoring my hard work and our desire to have this paid for debt free. I did apply for financial aid, but I still haven't heard from it. And I think there is a reason why...God doesn't want us to use it. And I don't either!

Anyways...the last 2 months, I think have finally caught up to me. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I've been working 30 hours at both jobs with only 2 days off in a 2 week period. Yes, I signed up for this and I knew it was going to be like this. But this week, on Wednesday when I came home from the one job, I just started to cry. My poor husband was like, "huh?" I told just cried and said I'm tired...I need more time! Thankfully I married an incredible encourager and he assured me that I have 2 more days left and then I have 2 days off!! I was almost there! OK! I can do this!
The next day I text a dear friend of mine from LaCrosse area and asked her to pray for me as she tends to pop in my head at great times and I know the same happens with her. The beauty of her is that when I pop in her head, she prays for me right way, without knowing what is going. I want to be more like that. So I just text her and let her know I was tired and that a lot was going on my mind that I needed prayer for. I didn't need to give her specifics and she just prayed and she sent me the verse that was listed at the top her. It was JUST what I needed! Thanks my dear friend...God knew what I needed and He allowed that to come through you! Thank you for your diligence in your prayer life!

My point...just when I feel I can't do another hour of work and that "why am I doing this?" attitude pops up in my head, this verse has been my saving grace at the moment. And my dear friends works "this is for a season, it will pass and it will all be worth it!" I know this to be true. I know that this is a season in my life and I will soon have school paid for and done with so that I can enjoy life again. My hardest thing right now is all I do is work, sleep, work, sleep, eat at times, work, sleep, work, eat...at if I really am motivated, I go for a run.

Speaking of a run and this verse! Here is a great example of God's strength when you are weak:
On Wednesday, after working a 9 hour day, all on my feet, only sitting for literally 10 minutes ONLY, I promised a friend that I would workout with her at the gym and do P90X. If you don't know what P90X is, it's a great, intense, workout. Wednesday night happened to be Plyo night (that means all legs!) I was like, great...just what I need after a long day on my feet to begin with. But I plugged through the workout with her and an hour later (that's how long it is), we were done. I wanted to go for a run so badly, because it's my way of de-stressing and just being FREE. So I go home and that's when I broke down crying. I was so exhausted. But my lovely husband was like, "OK, OP (our dog) is waiting for him, take him for a run!" I just sighed and said, "OK, lets go!" Why? I have NO idea what I said yes to this! I was exhausted and my legs were already in pain and telling me to sit. But o no, I go for a run instead.
Off we go. My hubby on his bike, dog in my hand, me running.
I thought, OK, we'll only go half of what we normally do (we normally do 5 miles on this particular path). My husband even said, just do a light jog. HA, me, do a light jog, you know fair well that I don't HALF do something! If' i'm going to run, i'm going to run.
We ran the ENTIRE thing and not only that, I did it in a record time for us!! :) How? Honestly, that night I had no idea. I had to re-look at my watch and re-calculate the time just to make sure I was right...and it was. I was still like, no way!
But the next day, when I text my dear friend and she sent me that verse, that is when it hit me. God was giving me the strength when I didn't have it. It was NOT me that did that...it was all God. I loved every minute of that run that night. It felt SO good to just let go and be outside and NOT working. And to me, God was saying, enjoy it, and I'll give you what you need to get through it. Thank you Jesus! It was such a blessing to me to have that time running!
God knew I needed it and He gave just the right amount of strength to complete my day that day. ALL on my feet. :( But I did it, because God was my feet and legs that day and will be everyday!

The love of a Father

As a thought to Father's Day, I figured I would share my thoughts on this special day.

I have been truly blessed to have a father in my life to this day. My papa is something special, a one of a kind. :) I feel extremely blessed, as I know many people never met there father, have one, but don't have a relationship with him, or did but has since passed on. I'm grateful for every single year that I get to share with my papa...it's a true blessing in life, the LOVE a father gives.

My papa and I weren't always the best of buds. In fact, to me, more like something I feared. Why? Well, ya see, as I've learned over the last 10 years of my life, him and I are something of the same breed! hahaha. Since we tend to be A LOT alike, we rubbed heads A LOT, more than our fair share of times we both would have liked I'm sure. I remember so many times as a kid how frustrated I got and how I didn't understand how he didn't understand me. hahaha...funny right? My papa and I both are rather strong willed people and we both like to have our way and we both think our way, is the RIGHT and ONLY way. So imagine that all growing up and then for me, as a teen. yeah, YIKES, for everyone involved!
Thankfully, my papa stood beside me through all of this and we realized eventually what it was the rubbed us the wrong way in our relationship. It only took some 20 years, but once I matured a little bit and understood how my life was becoming and once he understood who I was as well, man, it was pure joy for our relationship. Understanding this made a huge difference and I'm so glad that we figured it out.
I have ALWAYS admired my papa and his personality. I like that fact that I take after him and he has taught me SO darn much in life that I can't even say how that has impacted my life. I'm grateful for the work ethic that he instilled in us kids lives. My brothers and me work hard for what we want in life. He taught us to work hard for what you want and if you work hard for what you want, you can get it. Boy, has the proven right in our lives. I see my brothers and the hard workers they are in their jobs and in both of their families. They are both great dads now because of the way my dad was to them. Because he taught us to work hard, my brothers have provided great things for their families. For me, I'm still working hard, and at 28 years old, I'm back in school working hard to get a different degree (and for that matter, should have listened to him 10 years ago to go in the Medical Field, sorry dad!) :)
Just the other day, my manager at work told me that I don't stop and I keep wanting more to do. There was a gal that had just quit, probably about 5 years younger than me. And one of the reasons why she quit was "I'm tired of the BS." My manager and I talked about that and he said it was because she didn't want to work and that "kids" these days think everything should get handed to them and should come easy. I told, geez, I hope you don't think that about me. He stopped me and just said, "o gosh No...you've only been here 2 months and you've worked harder than most have their entire time being employed! You definitely know how to work hard for stuff!" Here is a guy, a manager, that I've only know for less than 2 months and he could pick up on this. I thought of my papa right away and was truly thankful for him because he is the one that taught me this work ethic. Both of my parents taught me and us kids how to work hard for what you want. They NEVER handed us ANYTHING. If we wanted a car, OK, go get a job and then get one. But they weren't paying for it. You want a car, great, you go the $$, now pay for your own gas and to fix it. We won't. I'm SO SO SOOOO glad they did that. As hard and frustrating as it was some days, to see your friends getting handed everything in life from clothes all the time, to cars, to electronics...I'm so glad I never got them without ME working for it. I appreciate the stuff more and I know what it means to get it!

Mostly, I"m so thankful for the love my papa gives me each and every day. Again, my papa and I butted head a lot as I grew up and I didn't always think my papa loved me. I know he did. And vis versa, I'm sure he didn't think I loved him or appreciate him. But I did! I'm thankful for today, and for the love my papa shows through and through. I know it took years for us to figure out HOW to show it to each other, but I'm so blessed to have a father who loves me and cares deeply for me and for my life choices. I couldn't imagine any better papa and I couldn't imagine how I'd be if I didn't have MY papa in my life. My life is how it is because of him. I thank the Lord for the papa I have and the lives my papa has touched, not just mine.

The influence a father has on his children is very impactful. But for those who can't experience the love of a father like my papa has given, know that there is a greater love of the Father, the Lord Jesus Christ. God love is unfailing and always giving. He will never fail you and will never turn from you. Our earthly fathers make mistakes, yes, that's human nature. But if your father has failed you and you can't experience a papas love, the great love you can have is that from the Heavenly Father himself. I know that His love is always there for me and when I feel like everything else around me is terrible and not right, God the Father is always there. My dad can't always be there for me, that's not humanly possible. But God can, and I'm so grateful for the love our Heavenly Father gives us.
I thank you Lord Jesus for the love you given all of us. I thank you for blessing me with such an incredible, loving papa for all 28 years of MY life. He has touched so many peoples loves, I thank you for what you have done in his life to make him who he is today as a papa, a husband, a friend, a brother...Thank you for my papa and what he has taught me. Thank you that when I can't be with my papa all the time, that you will ALWAYS provide me with the ultimate love a Father can give. I feel so blessed to have my papa in my life. I pray that you continue to give him wisdom and guidance in his life. Give him peace and joy and give him courage when he needs it most. There is so much that weighs heavy on a fathers shoulders with all the decisions in life, I pray that you continue to guide him and continue to poor your love onto my papa. Thank you for him and what he means to me in my life.

Weeding Your Garden

Today I took some time and tended to my very own, first garden of my life. I have been waiting for this Spring/Summer for years, so that I could finally plant my own garden and tend to it and watch it grown and enjoy the benefits from it.
Since we bought our house last year at the end of May and didn't really move in til end of June, we didn't have time to make up a garden. I've been planning all Winter for where it should go (we had to actually make a spot for it, no existing one), and what all I wanted to grow in it.

Once the time was right, we spend an entire day just rotatilling the location of the land. It was actually rather fun, but yet, I wasn't the one doing the HARD work. :) My poor husband.
Anyways...
here is what the process has been for us...

We planted:
Green Peppers
Cucumbers
4 different Tomatoes
Jalapeno Peppers
Lettuce
Carrots

I'm using this year as a trial year to see how things go with the location and soil we have first, and then I plan on making adjustments.

So when I went to go see my garden tonight after work, I realized I have been failing to upkeep my poor little guys growing. Sure they have been watered, but they needed so much more than that. They needed some good ol' TLC.

Here is what my garden looked like:

Pretty sad, right? Yeah, I was sad. I finally had the time and NEEDED to clean up my garden for my poor little veggies to grow!
I started out, thinking, ah, this will be a cinch; it'll only take me a 1/2 hour to do this MAX.

As I started and worked my way through, I soon realized that if I wanted to truly care for these plants, I needed to till up the ground a little and really get everything out for them. There was some little rocks mixed in, weeds, old roots, and other odds things. I thought to myself, "I don't remember the soil being this bad and mix with odd things like this when I planted this stuff!" At any rate, I started to think about this.
My life, Your life, is no different than this garden.
I am a pepper plant, lets say, and I'm newly planted and trying to take off on this journey and produce some awesome "fruits" as they say and blossom in this world. In my peppers case, trying to produce some amazingly delicious peppers for me. :)
But along the way, along your journey of GETTING planting, you run into some weeds or some things get you off track. You might still be there and alive, but you aren't truly able to spread out and blossom, because there is debre in  your life that needs to get cleaned up. My garden had a LOT of debre and things in the soil that I didn't think was there, but somehow was. Doesn't matter where or how it got there, it was there, and I needed to tend to it and clean it up.
God does that for us. He cleans up our lives, IF we let Him. Junk might sit in your life for days, weeks, months...and it will hinder your walk and hinder your journey that you are suppose to be on. If you don't allow the caretaker to get ride of the rocks and weeds in your life, your roots won't get firmly planted and you won't be able to produce what God is trying to do in your life. He might have something BIG for you and you don't even know it. But are you allowing Him to work in your life and tend to your life so that you can?
It really hit me when I was weeding and pulling little rocks out of the soil. I just thought, man, how could I let my garden get like this, it hasn't even been that long since I planted it. But the truth is, you might think your soil is rich and well nourished, but until you dig out past the surface, will the true colors of the soil be revealed.
Honestly, right now my life (my soil) isn't very rich. It needs to get some weeds and rocks out of it.
The 1/2 hour I thought it would take me MAX to weed my garden, wasn't even close. It took me nearly 2 hours to complete such a small garden. I looked at that once I got done and thought. huh...here I thought it would be a quick weed and it would be over with for a little while. Just like in my life, sometimes the weeds take weeks or months to get ride of. It takes time to refine your life. Some things might not take too much time, but the reality is, the more time you tend to your garden, the more rich your soil will become and the happier your plants will be.
How much time am I tending to my life, to my spiritual life right now? How rich is it because of that?
I'll answer...my time for God is minimal. I have excuses, but those mean NOTHING. I'm doing NOTHING right now in my life to make my soil rich. In fact, I feel like I'm LETTING weeds grow right now. Why? Good question, I have no idea. The funny, sad thing is...I know how rich my soil should be and can be. But yet I'm choosing to let my soil go for a period of time.
I know it will take time, even as I write this, to tend to myself and let God weed me out. I'm asking for that right now, for God, will you please weed me? I need some weeds pulled because they are causing me to not grow and they are causing my surroundings to suffer as well.
I want my soil and my life to be rich for you. It might take weeks or months for you Lord to work in my life to get these weeds out, maybe not. But I'm here and willing to take that time with you and asking for your help. Please be patience with me as the weeds might be not want to come out right away.
I hope that in the end...I can have an end result like this:

Where God has you

The last few weeks have been nothing short of amazing. I've had the hardest last couple of weeks but also the most incredible weeks in a long time.


The most incredible part of the week came personally at home. We've been remodeling our bathroom since December 31. And it was slooooowwww going up until this weekend. My husband is amazing and I just love seeing him work on this bathroom. He is so detailed and specific on things. It really makes me appreciate his talents and mind that God has given him all that much more by seeing him use them here. It's just interesting. I'm NOT gifted in those areas of math and you need good math skills when you are remodeling, we'll just say that. So thankful for my husband and how God has made him! :)
But anyways. He finally got the floor put in on Friday and then from there everything happened fast. Not only was the floor put in, but the walls got re-framed out for the new walls, restructure of the bathroom. Our neighbor came over to help all weekend, from Friday - Sunday. He and his wife are amazing people and we are so thankful for them as neighbors. We've gotten to know them very well over the year by random projects around the yard and times spent together here and there. We had thanksgiving dinner together this past year because neither of us went anywhere. They are not our age, they are probably in their 50's. But we see them as dear friends of ours.
I was telling Ben on Friday morning that I miss them because we haven't had them around in like 2 weeks. yeah, just 2 weeks! hahaha. We consider them dear close friends of ours who we love to share life with.
Well this weekend was amazing and God revealed so much to all of us it was tearfully amazing! By Saturday night, with their wonderful help all Friday and Saturday, I made us all some dinner. As we ate dinner that night we just had some neat conversations about life. Nothing out of the ordinary by any means, but it all started when we they were actually going to get up from the table to leave. B said "well, when you guys going to church tomorrow" (because he was going to come over again on Sunday to help some more on the bathroom). So Ben and I just looked at each other, because that was a rather good question. We've been trying to figure out a different church for about 3 months now and we keep going back and forth between 2 of them and I knew which one i wanted to go to on Sunday and I knew Ben would agree, so we just said "we haven't really talked about that" and they could tell there was more behind it so we shared with them some of what was going on. They already knew we weren't attending the church where we were going. And they knew we were going to other ones. So that sparked up a conversation and B just let everything out and was very open about some struggles in their lives and could completely relate to us and what we were going through. It was awesome. And the wife shared how that is why they liked us so much because we are "you". and no one else. And my hubby and I just looked at each other and said, "yeah, what you see is what you get! We are going to be as real as it comes. We don't hide much emotional or anything. We want to share our life with others but many times sharing a life with others is a front." And we've struggled with this so much in the past 2 years. So our neighbors GOT IT and they just said that is why they like us so much because we are real and not fake and they could tell that from the beginning of meeting us!
Not only that, we share a lot of the same struggles in life right now. It's actually neat that we do! :)

The most interesting thing came when they both expressed how for 25 years they've lived here on the corner and not once did anyone reach out to them! They explained it a little more. But they said, no one really ever cared enough like you two have. I wanted to cry, but I was so thankful at the same time. It was in that moment that I knew exactly where God had us and WHY!
And we actually said that and talked about that with them. They know the house stories we had when we were looking to buy a house and somehow God placed us in this little house in the middle of town for some reason. At first, Ben and I were a little discouraged that those other house never worked out and even after buying this current house we were a little sad, but at the same time, we knew we loved this house and God was going to bless us for making the wiser decision that we did make.
And this weekend, to me, showed that. For 25 years NO ONE reached out to them or not only that, cared enough to talk to them like we have. I told my hubby later that night after they left, "ya know, we were the ones that outreached to them, and that is what they noticed. No one every did that with them, we would see them in the yard and talk all the time with them. and one thing after another led to another and we started sharing life together."
Hold on, the COOLEST part of the night came when us 4 were then talking about Faith and churches. B opened up about how they don't go to a church because of blah blah blah. (a lot of the reasons we struggle with it too). And we were able to share our thoughts on that and our struggles and it was just refreshing FOR THEM to hear our point of view. But not only that, ti was so cool to hear B open up about his faith and his struggles and how it matched up so much with ours as well!
We ended the night with a time of prayer and thanksgiving, holding hands and sharing that moment is something I will never forget!!
I weep with JOY knowing how God has used my husband and I to share and speak love and truth into their lives! I weep for Joy knowing that God placed us in this exact house for a reason! I know that God has US exactly where we are suppose to be and I'm so blessed and over joyed with those thoughts!
The last 2 years (it's been 2 years to this date that Ben accepted the job here in Rhinelander!) have been rough and I've questioned many times over what are we doing and I"ve had heart break after heart break of situations. I've had heart break of missing some dear friends back where we moved from and I've wondered if I'll EVER find that (those) again!! God showed me this weekend that no matter that heartbreak and the pain I"ve had the past 2 years, that MOMENT alone made everything so perfect! And in that moment and in the days to come, I know that place here is exactly where I'm suppose to be!! God has me where I'm suppose to be...but here is the thing...I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IT AND HE USED ME BECAUSE OF I DID WHAT I WAS SUPPOSE TO DO! Are you taking advantage of where God has you? Or are you just sitting their waiting for something to happen?! Ya see, I had NO IDEA that God was actually using us in those times...but I didn't sit aside and let life happen, I happened to life! We gave life to our neighbors and we didn't even know it!
What does that show you? You NEVER know who you can touch or befriend. So don't miss those times...don't let life pass you by. Take those moments and be YOU...and no one else. BE YOU! When you are YOU...that is when life happens and when you can show who you are to many others. Don't put on a front or make you someone you aren't, that actually turns people away. It turned us away from some people...so don't let us be turned away, we all need each other as YOU.

I thank the Lord Jesus for where we are and what God has done in our lives the past 9 months of owning this house. Thank you for where you directed us and have us Jesus. Thank you for our wonderful blessing of neighbors we have. Thank you for their openness with us and the life we share with them. May we remember to me US and no one else. May we shine the light in the darkest of times and may we speak the truth of who we are and what you are!
Thank you for the joy we share because of this past weekend. Thank you for the blessings you have given us!

Heavy

An interesting thing happened to me yesterday.

First of all, I would have posted this last night, but we switched Internet modems or whatever you call those things, so our Internet didnt' work most of the night as we switched that and battled with the thing.

So yesterday was the start of my Spring Semester. One word: YIKES! hahah...bet you thought I'd say overwhelming...ya that would fit too. You'd think I would have learned from last semester NOT to freak out right away about everything, but nope, haven't learned yet...so I guess I need to keep doing this to myself until I do. :)

But what I have to say really has nothing to do with school, or maybe it does. I haven't figured that out yet.

School was good yesterday and I thought I was holding up well. I went and worked out after school as I normally would have done, and came home and just crashed. I honestly feel like I probably would have gotten hit by a truck! Usually my workouts gain me energy and they carry me through the evening hours and I am usually rather productive. But instead, I felt like bricks, I couldn't move, I didn't want to move. I felt terrible, just not motivated at all. It bugged me to no end. Ben came home and he asked about my first day of classes and I just cried!!! O goodness, did that need to come out, I thought. But that wasn't what was bogging me down. I realized later that evening that it was because I drank Hot Chocolate! YEP...i realized I was having a CRASH! THAT is what was making me feel so HEAVY! I couldn't figure out what this heavy feeling was going on with me. I thought it was because of school, but the good cry I had didn't do anything to lighten that, it was a different heavy. And then it came to me...I had Hot Chocolate earlier that day and I was crashing from the sugar.

You see, I don't drink that sort of stuff at all, any of it. It's been 6 months of NO soda, hardly ANY juices, and no hot chocolates. The closest thing I've come to sugar drinks has been Gatorade, and I only grab one of those once a week usually. So when I thought having a hot chocolate on a bitter cold morning to start off my school semester was a good idea, it was the WORST idea ever! NEVER again will I do that. Honestly it proves to me that putting fake things into your body to give you "energy" actually give you LESS energy.
I've been doing nothing but water for 6 months and I've had more energy during this time then ever before. I rarely find myself "crashing" or feeling "heavy."

So what does this have to do with on my spiritual walk with God. Well, LOTS actually. Think about it! When you fill your life with unnecessary things, that don't HELP you, you find yourself getting bogged down, heavy. But when you cleanse yourself of those things you start to realize you were better off without. I haven't had a hot chocolate in awhile and as soon as I do, it bogged me down and made me feel heavy, like i was carrying a burden. For what reason? For a short stint of happiness. Was it worth it...NOT FOR ME IT WASN'T. Just like life, if I choose to walk without God or choose to fill my life with bad TV shows, or video games, INSTEAD of my time with God or looking to Him for guidance, I start to feel bogged down, heavy. Maybe you don't, but I sure do. Those "worldly things" way you down. When was the last time you watched the news? And how did it make you feel? HONESTLY? If it was anything I watched, you probably left watching the news feeling depressed, scared, anxious, and wondering what this World was coming to?! Did that HELP you at all? DOESN'T help me! It makes me feeling BOGGED DOWN AND HEAVY!
So why watch it?
I understand we need to know what is going on in this world. I understand we all want to watch some funny TV (I love certain shows), and I understand we all like to play some games to get our MIND of things. But at the same time, is it really helping to fill your mind with junk, to make you later feel heavy about it?
I don't know...
Just something I'm wondering about...

But all I know is...I'm not drinking Hot Chocolate anymore because it's NOT good for me. And just like I don't watch the NEWS because for ME, it is NOT GOOD for ME! It made me more anxious and stressed than it did good. So I don't do it. So I won't drink the stuff either! :) Just something to think about! I"m not saying don't watch the news...I'm saying watch what you spend your time on and is it really helping you or making you heavy inside just like hot chocolate made me feel heavy. Not a good feeling to have, trust me!

A Challenge

Ok, OK...it's been like months since I've actually posted on here...October to be exact. I really didn't like that life (school) consumed my every being last semester. I've realized over the past couple of months, especially the past month, that no matter how busy I get, we get, if you MAKE the time for something, it will happen. I ONLY made time for school, nothing else. So what is more important? Apparently school was the most important thing to me last semester, and yeah, it was rather intense. But...where was my time with God? If you remember, I use this blog to challenge me in my walk with God to be able to see where God has been using me all day long. Well, I wasn't "finding" the time to do that towards the end there.
My new challenge, continue with my original plan and MAKE the time.
God has laid it heavy on my heart that I make time to put work, school, personal time, and my workouts into my daily life each day, so where is my time with God? You have to make it a part of your every day life, just like I make physical activity a constantly daily thing in my life! Ouch, I was hit hard with that one!

Here is something I've been pondering:

John 15:5,8

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ... This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."