whirlwind weekend?

I guess this was a bad week/weekend to start this blog...no Internet access since Friday. I was unable to post on here every night like I had said I wanted to. I thought about it a lot and was kicking myself for not being able to do what I was devoting myself to do...especially after JUST starting.

There were a lot of things God showed me this weekend. I guess I'll sum up the last few days/weekend all in one post, this time.

I was shown a lot of love when I felt lonely and I was shown strength when I felt weak. This weekend I went to Wisconsin Rapids to help my parents move into their new house. I had known for a week that they were closing on Friday and I knew right away that I wanted to go to Rapids and help them out. I had no idea what Ben was going to do, I just knew I really wanted to go and help. Needless to say, this weekend I spent by myself with my parents in Rapids. Now, I wasn't BY MYSELF, I was with people, but I was alone from my husband, and it wasn't something I was too excited about. It's something I always seem to struggle with...being alone. No one likes to be alone, right? Well I don't anyways. Again, I was with my parents and I stayed with them, but I was alone from my husband.

For me it's always been a struggle to let go of something...or to be alone. I find myself always needing to fill a void, almost like. I've learned a lot about this in the past year from a great mentor that I have. I've grown to realize a lot about myself through this person. I'm DEFINITELY aware of when I am doing things now days...and this weekend, I was definitely aware that my alone feeling was WRONG. You see, because when I feel alone, I really am not. God is always with me and HE is the one I should always be turning to and filling the VOID with. So many times I find myself filling my alone filling with people or things. Is that right? I don't think so. Because God should already be the person that you put your full trust in, He should be the one that comforts you when you feel sad, or is there for you when you succeed. You should always be going to God in EVERYTHING...not just when you need him or when you are down. What I'm trying to say is...I was very well aware this weekend that I was doing just that...I was feeling lost and I turned to God...but yet, at my happy times in life, I tend to forget to thank God for what just happened or talking to Him about it.
So this weekend, I found myself sad and down, because I really wanted Ben to be with me this weekend and he wasn't. I felt like I had no one to talk to or be comforted by. Well, it didn't take long for me to realize this...so as I lay awake at my empty parents house with just a few things in their home, I lay awake in the middle of the night with tears of asking for forgiveness that I always tend to go this way in my life! I STILL don't get it...as to why our human nature can't grasp the fact that God is ALWAYS going to be there and that we NEED to TRUST Him that everything else in your life is going to be OK and that He will take care of you.

Then...when I felt weak in this situation, I soon felt a burst of energy to get through the weekend by taking advantage of the amazing time I was having with my parents and helping them move. There were times I felt like just going home so I could be by myself (ironically!), but then I thought, why am I sulking in the fact that I feel alone, when I'm not really.? I had this amazing amount of energy this weekend, when I should have felt exhausted!!! (not only physically, but mentally).

I'm still at a lost from this weekend. I don't know if I'll ever solve this problem I have with feeling alone and knowing God is truly there. I think it comes with maturity in Christ and me giving myself daily over to Him (which is also part of the reason I wanted to do this blog too).

God, I ask you now, show me more from this weekend...show me why it is that I get this way and show me your love and your comfort daily. I desire so much to be wrapped in your arms and to be content with JUST THAT!! Thank you Jesus for the strength you have given me to this day.