Test

God was teaching me something from the very start today, it started at 6:00am!! My life history and past has proven over and over again how much I FEAR and have lack of trust. Its frustrating to me that I can't seem to grasp what God keeps showing me...or maybe it is that I do, but God TESTS me to see how I am doing? Is that right?

I have always had a "worry" problem in my life...and for some reason, it kicked in HIGH gear this morning. Ben left for work and can in to say goodbye and gave me a hug & kiss before he left. He does this every morning, which I just love. But for some reason this morning something struck inside of me and made me fear...fear what? well...that might just be another long story. Needless to say, I found myself wide awake...and all I could do was break down to God and ask him to help me find the faith to trust in Him to know that God is in control of everything that happens. And that whatever does happen on a day to day basis is all because of God. He has a purpose and plan for EVERY LITTLE thing that goes on. I've found that when I break down to God and talk to Him INSTANTLY when I feel this way...He comforts me in a way I feel so loved and protected!
Surprising enough I ended up falling back asleep for a little bit longer!

So what did God teach me? Well it was a FEW reminders to me that God is always there. I have NO idea what I felt so struck this morning by something, but what I do care about is that I knew God had a reason for it and a reason for me to fall on my knees to Him. I felt the comfort I probably was not feeling in awhile...

I also looked back to one of my blogs I had a few weeks ago. About finding purpose in pain. I still fear that God will teach me something soon about purpose in pain I go through, so maybe this morning the strick I felt was just my fear of that itself and the devil knowing I have that and trying to get at me.

Either way, I know my God is bigger than all my fears...and that He can help me over come them all. And if I do have pain...that God will show me purpose through it.
Lord Jesus, first of all, thank you so much for showing me your comfort today when I felt the weakest. Thank you for giving me the feeling I did because it makes me realize each time that you are here and that I can always turn to you no matter what is going on or time it is...and how amazing you have shown me that you can help me through it. Thank you Jesus! I pray that you would continue to work these fears out with me. I know things don't get fixed completely, but make me aware of the things I need to know and how to realize the fears I have and come to you with them. Thank you for the love and comfort you give. I pray to continue to guide and protect each and everyone of us that no matter what we go through, through pain or through joy, I pray that we would realize that you have a hand IN EVERYTHING...