Strange Day

God has hit me in numerous ways today...at the angle of "This, too, shall pass" and "Be Positive". I feel I've been VERY blessed today, when I could have easily had a rather poor/discouraging day.
I know its been a super long time since I've posted anything on here and it seems as though, I could make the excuse of "no time"...but well, if you know anything about what is or has gone in my life the last month, well you know I can't say that...I've got nothing BUT time these days! :)

Today I was blessed to really have a great talk and day just reflecting LIFE with GOD. And He made me do it! :)

The day started out not so great...a few things going wrong...well one just being bored and wondering, hm...what should I do today. And then getting the mail only to realize some discouraging news. For a brief moment it made me feel very incapable and like I didn't matter. But soon God took a hold of me and had a great friend call me, that helped me see things that God was trying to say to me all along.
Then, something very important that I need isn't work and I immediately tense up and start to freak...only to have God impress feelings on me of "it'll get fixed, let it go"...so I did.
Then I kept trying to get motivated to as to what I was suppose to do with today. Anything I tried to just wasn't working for me. So finally, I looked at my sweet puppy dog and looked outside (let me remind you, it's 40 degrees and slightly snowing and wet) and say "ah, this will be fun". And I grab my dog and get on some running clothes and shoes and GO.

It was what God wanted me to do be doing along today, at least that is what I think. :) Whenever I go for walks/runs with or without my puppy dog, I use that time as time to be with God, just Him and I, thanking Him for what He is doing in my life, friends lives, family. And I use it for those times to cry out to Him. And that is what I did and needed. I needed my one and one time with God, and He knew it. :) Don't ya love it.
I've been struggling lately with just this new place in life He has me. And wondering when the next part will happen. I'm so glad and so happy with where God has brought us (my family). Now I just wonder when things will happen for me, again. So I cried out to Him...and I just felt Him saying...look where you are, look at what you are doing...this is where I want you...will you Trust me?
I got back from one of the most beautiful, enjoyable runs of my life. I was running in a beautiful snowfall (without it sticking to the ground). I was wet...and loving the beauty around me. As I returned I thought to turn on the TV and go to the computer to go to the Internet. But I stopped and just was like, no I need silence... so I picked up my devotional a dear friend gave me just before we moved. And I love it when this happens, how when just that day, it seems it was meant just for you, and that is what it was...
"This, Too, Shall Pass" was the title...
It talked about how things in life are temporary, everything in life is temporary...so no matter what you are going through...it will pass and God will direct you a new way, in His time. He was telling me that I need to trust Him and realize that this is temporary and in His time, He will direct me where He wants me. Until then, I need to enjoy where He has me NOW....with this waiting, I need rest in Him and enjoy it! So that is what I will do....TRUST Him that this time will pass, but I will enjoy this time.
Then I was reading one of my books and it talked about negativity and having a positive outlook in your life. I just have to laugh, because I easily could be making this entire thing so negative...but I choose NOT to be negative and have God just deliver me from this...and I thank God that I am becoming a positive person and not becoming negative through this.
I pray to God that I will continue to let my heart realize where He has me right now and that I just learn to let go and Trust and wait on Him, truly. God you have shown me so much in this beautiful wet day that I am so blessed by. Thank you. Please continue to show me daily what it is to Trust You and Honor You and let you take control. Please help me to stay positive and to enjoy this time in my life that you have me in.
Thank You Jesus for this time in my life...

You Never Said It Would Be Easy!

...and you said I'll never go it Alone! All of these trials are bringing me closer to You. And I'm so thankful to know that it's because of You Lord Jesus that I have these trails because you care THAT much about me to help me on this journey in life to make me and mold me and refine me into the person you want me to become.
I'm clinging to the promise that you're not through with me yet.

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself, I'll remember that You paid a much higher price and dealt with the same things at a much higher way than I hope to ever see. I'll know you did it all for me and I want to be able to do the same, by enduring through my own fires (big or small, to some). And I know you are there even in the darkness, you will guide me.

You never said this life was going to be easy. And I'm OK with that. Because life would honestly be boring if we all lived perfect lives and didn't have a challenge to face each day. So I praise you today, for the challenges you are giving me to face. As hard as that is to say and praise you for, I know it's because you care THAT much about me that you would want me to have a better life in the long run.
Thank you Jesus and thank you for being there for me when all else fails and turns away! You are always constant and that is just so amazing.

I am Held

...is something I have honestly felt a lot of lately. I have felt God work in my life more lately than I have in a long time. And it feels great! :)
I never thought I'd be able to say, that... through the storm, I am held. I have felt God closer to me, and it's all because I have let Him in to help me. I'm like most people and think that we can face things and take care of things on my own, "I've got this" type of attitude. Well, I knew I'd have to dig deep to really understand what God was doing in our lives. And boy, when you ask God and turn to him about ALL your emotions, watch out! I had NO idea what I was about to feel...in fact, I remember telling myself, there is no way my feelings will change on this matter. I must have said one to many prayers and helps to God, because wow, never before have I felt God be more clear to me about something than any time in my life before.
God has really done a number on my heart and it's all Him. I never thought I would be able to have a change of heart at something that is (or seems) so huge at this point in my life. I praise God how He has poured out onto me tons of joys and positives to help me through a storm in my life right now. I am truly held through this storm and I would not have been able to say that a month ago...let alone 3 weeks ago either.
I'm still scared and still uncertain, but I'm am actually OK with that.

I was having a BLUE day yesterday and was on the verge of tears all day. I was thankful for a half day of work to be able to go home and have some much needed me time (and time with our puppy dog!). :) I went and worked out later that evening, still having a "me" moment and just time to be alone (that is what I felt like, just being alone).
God allowed me to have an amazing workout last night (seems funny, but true). I had an incredible run last night. Those always make me feel good and to really think and talk to God. When I got done with my run and did some weights and it was then that i tuned into my ipod. I love it when the right song comes on just when you need it most. And that is just what happened. The song, "It is Well" came on, and that is one of my all time favorites. And that is where I get this from. God totally spoke to me last night saying...I've been holding you, dear child Kelly. I'm holding you. I stopped what i was doing and just sat there in awe! I had tears well up in my eyes thinking of how God has totally been here for me, even though things seems hard right now and they make me sick to my stomach, God is there and has been!
I'm sure people in the gym were like, "what is going on with her", but well, that has happened before...so at this point, i don't care! :) haha
I'm so thankful, that when I face a hard time or a storm (or a storm that someone else might not think is a big deal, but is to me), God doesn't just blow it off and think "suck it up Kelly". No, He is there to show you nothing my love and support and He is holding you!
Praise you Jesus!

Thank you for holding me and showing me all things you've shown me in the last month. I'm in awe of You.

A New Song

Last night was a whirlwind and I feel God is showing me a new song in life. Then I talk to a dear friend about what God might be showing me and it's fitting that she shared me a devotional she just read...she thought it could apply. Here it is:

He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God; many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD. -Psalm 40:3

Your journey through life is not often easy, and you may experience times when you awaken to find yourself battered and bruised, lost and forsaken, lying helpless along the side of life's road. Your resources gone and your strength spent, you may wonder if there is hope for you. Will anyone come along to help?
God has promised that there is no circumstance from which he cannot rescue you. If you call out to him,he will help you to your feet and provide comfort and support until your wounds heal and you are able to continue on your way. Though the circumstances that caused your fall may still be present, he has promised to walk with you, steadying your feet and filling your heart with hope until you reach your final destination.

I praise you Jesus that when things get difficult or when things seem like there is just no way I'll feel OK again, there is...it's through You and You alone. I praise you for the trails and I praise you for showing me that life is OK to change and change can be OK. I ask that you continually show me that change and trials and struggles are OK because you are working through them and working in me and providing other opportunities. Please help me find joy and strength. I know things will be OK because you are apart of my life (our lives). Continue to work in me.

I have no strength left, God. Life me up and give me new hope as I place my trust in you. Amen.

Status Quo

I've had a hard time posting something lately for the simple reason I'm lost with understanding things in general. If I were to post about something...believe me, I've had things to share, but they just would come out all gibberish or something. No one would get it, I don't think I even would for that matter. So I've just sat waiting to understanding a little bit more...but well, that still hasn't happened.

I will say...waiting on something or someone to come around or what not...might help. But just when I thought things could be good or I was starting to maybe understand something...I get squashed in the face...with an attitude I don't understand. So here I am again...wondering.

So I don't have much...but I'm just getting frustrated with "status"...plain and simple. I think this is what it all comes down to (with my confusion and frustration). I don't want to offend anyone or make someone think they are a terrible person...that is not what this is. But this whole thing is almost like back in high school with all the "cool kids" vs "non-cool kids" drama that went on. But this isn't just about one person or a couple people, I'm talking about people in general in this lovely world we live in. I wasn't a cool kid in high school, but i also wasn't a "loser" as some called it. I just was "normal"...frankly, I'm glad! :)
I feel I've kept that "normal" life and lifestyle. I never want to be the "popular" one or "cool kid". What does that really mean anyway? What does it mean to be popular? or cool? And for the big question...WHY should it MATTER if you are popular or cool? Something I will never understand...and I am OK with that, but I just am bothered by the fact that I feel attitude from People in general when i might not be cool. So...again...define cool?!
From what I've gathered..."cool" means that you have all the latest "popular" (ha...now that is interesting) THINGS in life. Like you have the blackberry or droid phone. You have an iPad or iPhone or Mac. You have a Wii or Xbox. You have a 52" flat screen TV, no a 32" or smaller. You have a fancy digital camera. You have the latest style of fashion out in the store. You have the trendy hair style or what not. You have a nice car or newer car. You have a membership at a fitness club. You can go on trips...not in WI or MN (or the state you live in), but actually road trip. And not even road trip...but you go somewhere WARM or TROPICAL. You are talented in an obvious sort of way (like sports or musically or...)
The list could go on I'm sure...
I'm not saying I don't have some of these, maybe I do. But the interesting thing on this...is these things tend to CONTROL who a person is or becomes. Or...they make the person then feel they are "cool". Maybe, maybe not, again, just something I've observed. I just feel so many people get wrapped up into the "status" of what these things make them be. I'm frustrated and sickened by if you DON'T have these things...it's shoved in your face that "haha, I've got this...". Again, SOME people DON'T act that way...
But what I've observed from some lately is just that. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but it just is hurtful to see attitudes made and then attitudes given out unfairly. I weep for those...and I weep for the joy that is gone in life because we get wrapped up in the things of this world. These tangible things mean nothing. Where is the personal relationship with others, and most importantly were is the personal relationship with God? I'm just as guilty as everyone else...and I weep for myself of how wrapped up we can get into a game or a phone or a trip or a TV or the list could go on, that we loose sight of actually having a conversation with someone and when you have a conversation with someone...don't look at them as a "cool" or "popular" person for what they have or don't have...look at them for them. Don't give attitudes out for what you have and they don't have.
That doesn't make you...none of this Makes you...

You family makes you, your personal relationships make you, Jesus Christ makes you. Have you thought about Him today? Have you set that piece of technology down for a second to realize there are bigger things in the world that need attention?
I don't want to say anymore because I'm just hurt by the thought of all this. Again...I'm just as guilty...and I pray God can forgive me for the things I get wrapped up into and I pray God drops me to my knees in the understanding and power of God himself in this world.
Lord Jesus, I don't want to be them...I want you to be in me and making me who I need to be in this lost and forsaken world. Let me be the light and have an attitude of forgiveness and understanding on people every day. Help me to understand this whole thing better and help me to love when I'm hurt and weeping for others. Help me to understand and help me to change as well. Make me realize when I am getting wrapped up in a worldly thing that doesn't need that attention and something else or someone else needs my attention more.

Mute

God showed me some last night as I laid in bed frustrated. There was a reason I was frustrated, but as soon as I prayed about the situation I was dealing with, God had me realize that the same thing I was frustrated with, was the same thing I (we) do to HIM. I wept in the thought of the frustration and pain God goes through with us! How could I be so selfish to want something resolved, when I am just as guilty of a person for doing this to someone else (God, himself).

Sometimes I feel like my husband and I live in different houses together. Ever hear that saying? :) ha...
Well, it's not as terrible as it might sound. My husband is a rather quiet soul. He has few words. I've grown to learn how my husband is and how to understand his silent ways, but sometimes when you NEED that someone to say something, when you need it most, you'd like it, and you just aren't getting it. Well, that was me the past couple of days, yes DAYS. I finally gave up and thought fine, you don't talk to me, i won't talk to you! Terrible!!!!!!!! I know!!!!

And that is where I started this story, with then going to bed last night thinking, ah, really? And now today (Monday), we go a WHOLE day without seeing each other and even speaking a single word to each other (or if you count text, speaking, then we did that way. But even that was minimal). But like I said, as soon as I laid in bed frustrated with what to do and giving it all up God to help change my attitude with this whole thing, God immediately had me thinking of how it is like when we don't talk to God for hours or DAYS or in some cases, WEEKS or MONTHS. I wept! I can't stand that this is going on with me with someone I live with for just A DAY...I can't imagine the patients and the sorrow God feels when we ignore Him and don't talk to Him.

I feel terrible, but I feel so wonderful to know what God must go through and THEN SOME. I can't imagine. But at the same time, He is so quick to forgive and move on. Me, not so much, I'm still holding this in so tight.

I ask for forgiveness Lord Jesus...I am so sorry I forget you and don't talk to you about every day life things like you want to hear...JUST like I want to hear them as well. I thank you so much for showing me this last night and having me realize how important communication not only is in a marriage, but in our relationship as well! You are my bridegroom and I need to be doing more communicating with you than I do with anyone else!
Lord Jesus I ask that you give me the ways and understanding on how to do this more often and daily with you. That it becomes more of a natural thing than a "o, I better do this...".
I am so blessed to have you in my Life Lord Jesus...I want to keep our relationship strong and beautiful! Thank you for what you daily show me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is Well...

...is an easy thing to say...but is it really "well" with you?

When peace...
When sorrow...
Whatever happens.

It is Well, through the storm, I am held.
It is well with my soul.

Though Satan..
Though trials...
will come, Christ shed His blood.

IT IS WELL...is something I am praying for lately. I finally downloaded THIS song, It Is Well by Todd Fields, off of iTunes a few days ago. I've had it on my list to buy for like 6 months. The timing of it couldn't be better.
Last night, after putting it on my ipod, I finally was able to listen to this song while I did my work out. It was one of the best work outs I've had in months and one of the toughest I've mentally fought through...because of THIS song.

I was running at the time this song played. My run was absolutely amazing to begin with and it just got better listening to it. It hit me while listening to this song that no matter what I am struggling with, which seems to be a few things lately, God is going to be there and not only that, but it is going to be OK.

I've been praying lately for me to have an OK attitude with certain things going on in life right now. I don't want share specifics, so i know this is pretty general and vague. But God is answering my prayers little at a time with my attitude of "being OK". I almost broke out into tears as I was running. I felt like jumping off the treadmill and falling to my knees to Jesus. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord! It will be Well, and it will be well with my soul of what you have in my life.

I am still praying and asking people to pray for me for me to have an OK attitude and a heart of understanding with what the Lord planning out for our lives. He is always working and changing things in your life, are you going to be well with what God has planned out for you, through the storms, through the sorrow, through the peace?
I want to be well and be able to say "OK God!"