Pressures of the World...

Well, it's official! I'm a student again!

Come September 5, I will be embarking on yet another degree. This decision might seem sudden to most as I have NOT talked about it at all. But that is only because I wanted to be 100% positive of something before I shared anything. Kind of like when you get pregnant and you want to make sure you make it past the first trimester before you spill the beans about it. Yah, kind of like that.
;)
ha, see, got ya all thinking about babies now, don't I. Well, REST assured, no babies to speak. This still does involve that, but on a different level.

Most might be wondering how in the world did this school thing happen. Well, honestly, it started a year ago! I worked with a gal at Maurices that was going to school for exactly this and every time I worked with her I asked her questions about the program. By the way, the program is Medical Assistant (1 year).
And as I drilled her with questions and learned more and more about this occupation, I realized more and more that "hey, that sounds like something I could do!" I talked with hubby about it and he said, yeah, sounds about right. But it wasn't anything serious about it.
Well, come March I started to think about it more and more and more. Our good friends here in Rhinelander, she is a Medical Assistant as well and has also been a great support to understanding more about this as well. She told me I probably should think about it soon and to apply and just get on the waiting list because there is usually a year waiting list with this program. So apply soon. I thought about it and thought about it and wasn't sure.
Then one weekend when hubby and I were traveling somewhere we had a LONG talk about it all and discovered that my unhappiness is probably because of my lack of challenges I face or the lack of potential that I'm not using. My hubby, the great advisor that he is, suggested I apply for school and really do this (he had many more words too, that were very encouraging).
So I thought it over day after day and I soon found myself on the computer looking into the application and found myself actually submitting it and then found myself calling my high school and college asking for the transcripts to be sent. I then found myself sitting in the Advisors office figuring all this school and classes out!
what?
Well, I did it. I applied, got all paperwork in, and sat in the Advisors office yesterday. I found out that INDEED there was a waiting list (as I figured, since I applied 7 weeks before school started). :) BUT she said that I could start taking some of the classes now for Fall and in Spring and that I would be put on the waiting list and be able to start Fall 2013 if everything else came back OK. So, I signed up for my first 2 classes yesterday and even paid for them. WHEW...here I go!

So...what have I learned. I've learned that this has been rather challenging for me to actually do this. I've learned that the pressures of the world are ENORMOUS! Every time I turned around and told someone that I was thinking about going back to school, it was a million questions being thrown at me...ESPECIALLY about family and having kids. Honestly, it made me sick. It didn't question my desire or intentions, but WOW did it make me realize how much MY LIFE is MY LIFE and no one elses to live. It made me realize that MY LIFE is GOING TO BE different than THEIR life. I struggled because I already knew, or least I thought I knew, where God was taking me, and then when you get people telling you "you need to think about a Family", you second guess is this really right? What is God doing? Why am I going back to school at 27 years old? Why am I not thinking about a family? Why are people telling me I'm selfish and not thinking about a family? Why am I telling MYSELF that I can't do this, I'm too old? What is God doing? And why Now? Why couldn't I figure this out 5 years ago, or even 2 years ago? Why now?
O boy, I struggled so hard to just swallow those "lies" I heard and focused on what I knew God was doing and what I knew was BEST for us. And thankful for my husband, who talked me through it once more last night as we finally made the decision to do it. He made me realize that THIS is what is BEST for us...that THIS is OUR lives, not THEIRS. That what we are doing, is what God wants us to be doing. That sure, we might be 27/29 years old...BUT WHAT makes that mean we should have a family now? WHO ever said that you need to have a family NOW or by this time or this or that. It makes me cry...and did. Because I told my hubby, "I just feel like i"m so behind in life." He just said, "what makes you think that?" I told him, "well, everyone is having kids, in a job...and now I'm just figuring out a different career possibility and now a family is pushed back..." he just said...Kelly...OUR life is OUR life. Who said we need to be having a family right now? Who ever said that you are too old to go back to school? blah blah blah...
and I just said...
"I've never experienced the pressures of the World as much as I have in the past 2 months!"

wow, are there so many expectations that people "MAKE UP" and think it should be FOR YOU. What is your life, is YOUR life, what is my Life is MY life...GOD is in control of my life, NO ONE ELSE! NOT EVEN ME!!!
And if God is directing me back to school at 27 years old, then THAT is what I'm going to do. If God wants me to have kids NOW, that will happen, if God wants me to have kids when I'm 30, that will happen, if God wants me to NEVER have kids, that will be that. If I am to go to school, I will, if I graduate, awesome. If I don't, God will use that somehow too. But what I know is that what goes on in others peoples lives doesn't mean that I NEED to be doing that too. God has different paths for all us. Some have kids when they are 20, some won't even get married until they are 35. That doesn't make either one of them "less on track" than the other one. It's what God had for their lives and it's different for everyone.

I am the most frustrated with the fact that I LET the pressures of the "world" consume me and doubt me from what God is doing in my life. I"m still not sure what God is really doing with this whole back to school thing, but either way, I still looked at the pressures of the world and let it control my thoughts and frustrations. That is what makes me sad! I'm thankful for a wonderful husband who is there for me 100%, supporting me and helping me see what God is showing us...as our family and for me individually. I'm thankful that God is showing me something, still not sure what that is or what it will look like, but I'm confident that no matter what direction I'm going, God will be there walking beside me helping me along the way!