Who Are You?

I must say, reading Chapter 2 in "Victory over Darkness" was a rather difficult one. Not because of the content, but because it is things that I already know, but am saddened that I know longer really know what it means. That probably makes no sense.
I don't know if you remember a post a did a few months back on "Who Am I". Well, that post actually came from this chapter. This chapter is right where I stopped reading.
This chapter talks about who you are. If you remember in my post I asked Who Am I? My name is Kelly, we all know that. But that isn't who I am. I'm short, clearly, but that isn't who I am, nor does it define who I am. Does this ring a bell yet from that post.
Anyways.
Who I am, is far more than what you see on the outside. My trouble is, I'm still trying to figure out what is on the inside and who I am inside. Who I am is NOT determined by what I do. Is who you are determined by what you do, or is what you do determine who you are? I think that my understanding of who I am, specifically my identity in Christ as a child of God.

Lately, I've been struggling with these exact things. I'm not tall enough, I'm too short, I look SO young for my age (yeah yeah yeah, I'll appreciate that when I'm older, i get it), my job is so simple, we are on the basic plan of our finances, blah blah blah.
This is why reading this chapter was so difficult for me:
"Millions of people climb those ladders of "success," only to discover when they reach the top that their ladder is leaning against the wrong wall."
See, I ALREADY know that my life is NOT about being the "perfect" person. There is no such thing. I know that its not about having the fancy house, the new car, the awesome job, the perfect job, the best friends, the perfect marriage. I already know this and I must say, I am TRULY HAPPY in my life that I don't have "perfect expectations". So why is reading this so difficult, because somewhere along the lines I have felt the worldly pressures and I have thought the need to have my life "perfect". :(
Hard for me, because I KNOW I'm happy, but I've given in to the sinful world that everyone creates. I'm saddened that I've been so stupid to think I needed everything in life to be in order.

He goes on to say..."meaning in life are not the products of what you have or don't' have, what you've done or haven't done. You are already a whole person and possess a life of infinite meaning and purpose because of who you are - a child of God. They only identity equation that works in God's kingdom is you plus Christ equals wholeness and meaning."

If our relationship with God is the key to wholeness, why do I struggle so much in my identity, security, significance, sense of worth and spiritual maturity??????

I strongly believe that Satan is doing a terrible work in my life and I'm so utterly confused. I believe that once I start to figure things out with this, I get a knock out punch (for those that know me, I like to box in my spare time). :)
I believe that Satan is doing the best possible way to get me to live my life independently of God. Satan is tempting me by appealing to my most basic and legitimate needs. VERY SCARY FOR ME RIGHT NOW! :(
I know this is an attack from Satan and the thing that I'm saddened by, is why haven't I cried out for God to come help me? I've been stuck in the mud and THINK I can do it all on my own. O Lord Jesus, that is so not true...I CAN'T DO IT ALONE! I need you to help me out of this. I need you!
I don't want these needs met by the world, the flesh and the devil. I want they met by God who promises to meet all my needs "according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." - Phil. 4:19.
I'm realizing that everything keeps coming full circle and that it all comes back to me crying out to God. I'm not doing it? and I can't figure out WHY I'M NOT! It seems so simple. And the thing is, this is something I need to figure out myself, and not the help of others. No one can help me cry out to God...I have to do it on my own. I want to, but for some reason, I'm struggling with letting go. Why is this so hard to let God and let God help me? This is not the time to be stubborn Kelly...
:(