I feel blessed that part of my job is doing much prep work for a Sunday morning Worship service. I get the privilege of ready articles and watching videos and things to see how they will tie into a Sermon.
Today, I was blessed to watch an incredible video that our speaker is going to share on Sunday (I had to burn it onto a DVD and test it to make sure it worked). Normally, I just watch the first couple minutes and then shut it off and move on (because it obviously works). But today, was different. I put it in, tested it, works, and almost pushed stopped. But then, I realized what the title of the DVD was "God's Chisel Remastered". And going off what the last few weeks of sermons have been ("Our Identity in Christ"). I thought, I think I want to watch this now, not on Sunday, for the first time.
I'll admit, which seems to be hard for me to do lately, that I have issues in my life that I really struggle with and sometimes I wonder why on earth I can't figure my life out. I can't figure out why for some people, they probably look at me and think I'm weak, or that I should "suck it up" and deal with my "issue". MY issue, might not be YOUR issue. And MY issue, might be rough for me, and MY issue might NOT be an issue you ever deal with or even can understand. WE are all different, God made us all different for a reason. Can you imagine if all of us struggled with anxiety, or struggled with lust, or struggled with ________ (you fill it in).
I'm learning to NOT care what YOU (people) think of me. And this video really hit home, because it talks about how some of us look to others for approval, or how we put on a good front, so others don't see who we really are. Come on, be honest, we all do this!
Here is a question: Who are you?
Some might say "Kelly". Or "5ft 1in, brown hair, so on so on". Or "an athlete". Or, "A Pastor". But those are just things that are what you are...they aren't WHO you are.
Who are you?
I'm not going to answer it.
This entire Sermon series has been really hitting me home lately, especially with some things I've been personally dealing with both physically and mentally. And that is partly why I haven't posted much on here lately. I struggle with just understanding my normal DAY lately. I should have any excuses, but I feel like i haven't had any energy to do much else than figure that understanding out. :(
I don't like that there are things in my life that have affected who I am today. I don't like that I can't understand them and even now, can't figure out how to fix me. But here is the beauty behind it...GOD is figuring it out...and HE is at work in me. HE is chiseling away at ME to mold me and shape me into WHO I am and HOW HE wants to use me in this life I've been given as "Kelly".
Honestly, I drop to my knees and weep just knowing that God loves me THIS much to spend time chiseling away at ME, little "beatin up" me. (beatin up is a loose term, not really BEATING). But through these things I am struggling with, it's Gods way of working in my life. Right now it seems like why?! But other days its like, "ah, God sure is showing me something."
I just wish it didn't always hurt so much. But through this hurt of being chiseled away at, I find so much JOY....because I KNOW that God loves me THIS much to work in my life!
O Lord, I know I'm a piece of work! :) (as some would say)...but I also know that Who I am, is NOT who people say I am or what they say of me. I am who you are making me to be for a reason. I know that my past is my past and that doesn't define who I am today! Lord, I pray that each and every day that I struggle to realize this, that you constantly remind me by a chisel! :) I pray that I can grow strong in you and your love! I want that!!
I CANNOT do this alone, I need your love and I need your strength Lord, through this process...this process of life.
I praise you for the struggles I'm facing! If I wasn't struggling right now, would I be able to understand what this all means? I pray I would, but I wonder if I wouldn't. So I thank you for this!!
Thank you for the work you are doing in my life. Thank you for your LOVE!
Here is the video:
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