What's next?

Honestly, I am not even sure what is going on in my life right now. I know there is a lot going on and I just feel like a bystander watching it all happen. and I'm not even sure who I'm "rooting" for at this point. I don't even know if there is even teams. I feel lately like I'm watching my life pass me by and I'm doing everything to try to stop it. But it keeps moving. ....and I'm too afraid to get back on for the ride.
Yeah, really!
I really feel like all of a sudden I've hit a mid-life crisis, and I'm only 27. Is that suppose to happen? I know some will think I'm crazy for saying I'm old at 27, but I honestly, in the past 6 months, all of a sudden feel "old". And all of a sudden I feel like my life is over with and it's all down hill from here. The thought haunts me.
I was walking my dog last night and I literally cried in the middle of a wooded area just asking God why I've felt like my life has amounted to nothing. I think of all the things I'd love to do in this life and I see that I haven't done nearly what I thought I would by now. I feel like time is slipping away from me. I wish I could push a pause button and just wait and catch my breath.
If you would have asked me 10 years ago what I'd be doing, I would have said I'd be married and have 2 kids probably, a stay at home mom.
Who am I now...I"m a wife. Yes, OK I did one thing I figured I'd be doing by now. But that isn't my point. And I KNOW some of you will say...WELL GET GOING ON HAVING KIDS ALREADY THEN! But here IS my point. The reason I'm not rushing into that one is because I feel like there is so much I haven't done yet that I thought I would. I honestly thought I would have gone back to school and got another degree, I thought I'd work a different career, I thought I would have traveled (at least out West) the country. Still been active in sports or something to that matter.
What have I done, I've gone to school, yes, for what I wanted to initially. But I had figured I'd pursue another degree. Haven't. Travel, the biggest trip in my life has been to Houston, Texas to visit my brother. Now, don't get me wrong, those have been awesome trips. But I've wanted to go Out West my whole entire life and I haven't barely stepped over the boarder of Minnesota. I figured I would have gone overseas by now (somewhere)...and I've BARLEY stepped into the boarder of Canada 6 years ago. OK, I do workout daily, and I do consider that active, yes...but I figured I would be more into running marathons and less sitting on the sidelines. What's stopping me? FEAR.
I've realized that FEAR has consumed my life for the past 10 years....yeah OK probably my entire life. I'm afraid to go places. I wished I would have done some traveling before I had met my husband, because once I met him, all i wanted was to be with him. honestly. And even now, I wouldn't imagine traveling without him. I want to experience everything in life with him. I'm not saying getting married has hindered this, NOT AT ALL. I've loved being married more than anything...its been my biggest dream thus far in life and I feel like I"m the most blessed person because I have him in my life. Even on my walk last night, I realized how blessed I am at 27. I may not feel it all the time, but I know I'm incredibly blessed in my life.

And here I am, having a mid-life crisis as it seems. I don't really understand who I am anymore. I'm confused as to why I am struggling to WANT to have kids. I LOVE kids, if you know me, you know I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews and would do anything for them! So why is having my own kids that hard? You've got me! I've tried to figure this one out for years now. I feel like just yesterday I was 23 and getting married, and now all of a sudden, 4 years later, I'm still the same person, doing the same thing. My husband and I said we'd wait 5 years before trying to have kids. So far that is happening, but I look at it more like, YIKES 5 YEARS IS ALMOST UP...WHAT???What happened to those 5 years?
I figured within those 5 years, Ben and I would have at least gone out West.
I'm honestly saddened that this has not happened. I'm saddened because I wonder lately if this stuff will EVER happen.
Why should it be a big deal...for some reason it is. I wanted to do some traveling before kids came along, and maybe that is why is so scary about the thought of having kids (amongst many other things). I feel selfish.
My husband I were planning on going out West this early Fall, but then we bought a house (which yes, is finally something I have been excited about for YEARS). But now that we bought a house, I don't think we'll be able to go out West this year. It breaks my heart.
We won't even get started on the whole baby thing. You really don't want to listen to me ramble on about why having kids makes me fearful.

Needless to say, I'm really struggling with figuring out where I'm suppose to go next in life. I know one this is for sure that I know I'm a child of God and that in this struggle of mine, He will be by myself guiding me every step of the way...even if I take a "wrong" turn. I'm thankful I have a caring and loving God that will protect me and guide me and LOVE me no matter what I accomplish in life and DON'T accomplish in life.
Lord I pray that I can focus more on you and not on my accomplishments in life that I have or have NOT done. I pray that I don't get frustrated with it and that I can truly just see where it is in life that you will have me. If i never go anywhere in life (travel), I pray that I can have an OK attitude with that and not feel that as a frustrating thing in life. I pray that my hubby and I can figure out about the whole kid thing and really understand what that means for our lives. I pray that I can TRUST you in that and understand that my fears don't come from you and that those are lies from Satan that I feel. I pray that you can give me comfort in this fear of mine and show me the truth! Lord I give this up to you and take it off my shoulders that I may not think about it or dwell on it Lord Jesus.