Crutch

I've discovered a CRUTCH in my life. No not a crush, a crutch.

Last weekend I had another break through...FINALLY...as some would say. It took purchasing our first house to finally make me realize the more important things in life...basically.

We closed on our first house 2 1/2 weeks ago, and the projects have been mounting like you wouldn't believe. Honestly, it's been a blast, but rather overwhelming and a BIT stressful ("bit" taken in a sarcastic way). :)

The second weekend, last weekend, was my breaking point as some have called it. I was so frustrated with how slow a project was going for me. I had a wonderful friend come on over and that is when I shared my feelings about what is going on in my life. As we talked it out, or I talked through my troubles, I came to a conclusion as to why I was so frustrated with how slow things were going with the house. It all came back to I only had 1 day to get stuff done, then I had to work the next day (free on a Saturday, work on a Sunday or vise versa). Anyways.

Once I realized I wasn't getting frustrated about the house or the list of projects, it was more frustrated that I only had one day to do it all in (or so it seemed).

I had come to realize that I needed to quit something in my life, and that something wasn't going to be an easy one. I have been an assistant manager at a retail store for over a year and I've really come to love this job and have really learned so much through it, with a bonus of working with awesome co-workers who have also become some great friends!

I knew I needed to let this job go.

Then on Sunday I went to church and heard Cowboy Truths from a fellow from one of the local Bible camps here in the area. He uses horses to demonstrate our life and how we obey or listen/don't listen to God. It's MUCH cooler to see it than for me to explain it.

Anyways, he said something that Sunday (this is after I had already decided I was going to quit my one part time job) that really hit me hard and made my decision that much easier for me. He was talking about life stuff and how busy we get in life and what is more important. Blah blah blah and then something about how if there is stuff in your life that takes over things, re-evaluate them in your life...look at it and see if they are real opportunities for you or are you just using that as a crutch in your life (because you are too scared to move on).

I couldn't believe what I had just heard!? Wait, what? Something in my life that is taking myself away from stuff (yeah!) and is it a crutch? Woah, didn't think of it that way, but once he said, IT WAS SOOOOO TRUE!

I was using this job as a crutch. I was too scared to actually quit a long time ago because I have been too afraid of something happening at my other job, that i was using this job to fall back on. If money got a little tighter, at least i had a second job to pick up more hours if we needed it. If something happened with the one job, at least I would have this job.

I wasn't TRUSTING God at all. Instead, I was hurting myself and my family and my time. I weep knowing what all I have hurt during this time of struggle. I hurt more knowing that I have NOT trusting God to take care of us. I was using my job as a crutch instead of turning to God to help us.

So I'm trusting God, and I'm doing exactly what I know I'm suppose to do. I"m not expecting that God will bless us for this decision, but I expect that my relationship with God is getting that much stronger and I KNOW God will be there for me and for my family and that I trust He will get us through no matter what situation comes about. I'm NOT depending on a job, I trust God to give us what we need, not for ME to give us what WE need.

And you know what...

I feel like a ton a bricks came off me. I feel like a free person. I now have MY time on weekends, family time on weekends and just TIME. Instead of worrying about work, I can take that time to refresh in what God sees more important...

Thank you Lord Jesus for making me frustrated! I know that my frustration isn't good, but I know that you ALWAYS work through that as well, and I sure can see it now. Thank you for the awesome message that Sunday and how you used that fellow to speak to me that weekend and confirm what I already knew to be true. thank you for making me face that situation. I pray that I continue to TRUST you and not have any other crutches in life. I pray I don't create another crutch....but if I do, I pray you break me of that one too!

Thank you Lord for blessing me this past year with this awesome job and the great experience I have had through it. I know it was a great experience for me and it is hard to leave but I also know you will show me the next step as well, as you led me to that one in the first place. Thank you for that and for continually providing for us each and every day!