Up Hill Battle

I have had TOO many thoughts on my brain these days, it actually has been very hard to figure out what in the world they all meant and what I was suppose to do with them. I still am not sure.

But today something struck me in a lot of ways again, and even as I am typing this out, I really am not sure where my thoughts will go. This could get interesting.

Today I battled with frustration, annoyance, confusion, and let down. But all of this is summed up with an Up Hill Battle...and well, literally for me as well today.

The day was going well actually, but then once incident happened that really just bugged me and made me a bit frustrated and then annoyed. I am still not sure I am over this yet. And that ONE situation let everything else of my day GO DOWNHILL, ha, ironically. It made me have feelings of my entire life, of things I've battled with. Funny how ONE little thing can blow everything up and make it trickle into everything else.

I ended up going home for a bit to take a break for my thoughts and get away from the situation. It was a nice refresher, but just not long enough apparently because when I returned, all of a sudden these confusing emotions came over me as soon as I sat back down. I was no longer frustrated, well yes I was, but not as much, I was now just confused. I suppose this is really hard to understand without me telling exactly what happened. But unfortunately, I really don't want the situation or story to be out there.

I sat trying to gather my emotions and my thoughts of why this situation made me just go DOWNHILL. It wasn't even that big of a deal. Well the afternoon didn't go much better. I started to feel exhausted and just worn down. I was SO ready to go to my boot camp class at workout, I actually couldn't wait to go. I kept thinking, I need it, I need a good work out to get some of my frustrations OUT.
Well, I got just that!

Ever watch Biggest Loser on TV? Well, I've been taking a boot camp class, that is doing a lot of the same type of workouts they do on that show. It's intense stuff. I actually LOVE it. yeah, I'm not normal! :) So I get to boot camp class and my trainer asked how work was. I was surprised because he has never asked me how "work was". He usually just asked me how I am feeling and that. So I was like, huh?! I was honest with him and told him I had a rough day. He said great...lets get working out! hahaha

He says, "Today, we are going to visit the hill!" **The hill is NOT my friend, it's a nice lovely green grassy hill that he loves to use to do brutal workouts with.**
I knew what I was in for, and I knew it was going to kick me in a different way today. It did just that. Without going into too much detail of the things I was doing, he had me doing these different workouts UP the hill and then jogging back and doing it ALL over again! I was probably on my 4th DIFFERENT set up something up the hill, and it just BROKE me. I finish the exercise, but not without some good old sweat and tears. Well, I was use to the sweat, but not the tears. I finished the last set of that exercise and I got back to the bottom of the hill and I got a drink of water, as my trainer was telling me what was going to be next. I get back to the cone to start the other one and my eyes just were filled with tears that wouldn't stop coming. My trainer looked at me and was like "what's wrong boss! You OK, you hurt?" I just said, "I'm fine, it's just my bad day is getting the best of me right now." We talked things through a bit...because not only is this boot camp a physically challenge, it's also a mental challenge as well...and today it was definitely BOTH! I've never had a workout make me cry. But that workout and the accumulation of what happened all day long, had me having feelings of LET DOWN.

I re-composed myself and complete each and every exercise the rest of the training time. It was not fun or easy (which is usually the case for this class). But today was just different and horrible.

I finished! And as my trainer and I walked back to the building we talked things over a bit more. We discussed the mental battle I faced today and he told me, "you faced an up hill battle today! That is what it is in life, an up hill battle!" I just about stopped right there and dropped to my knees, because I knew God was talking to me right then and there.

I left and drove home, in tears, trying to gather what all happened today and what God is trying to do with me today, tomorrow and after. My life, our lives, are always an up hill battle. We face things day in and day out that makes us climb to knew levels with our Faith and with our abilities to change things for the better in our lives and with the people around us. Today I faced a hill to deal with with people and with my emotions with that. God is showing me things with that, and it's only JUST begun. I am so thankful God has shown me this hill I am trying to get up...and I feel like I have a 10lb weight attached to me, because I feel burdened. Not that is a bad thing, I just feel God really working with me right now, and it's at a tough spot in the hill.

My faith will be grounded better because of what I dealt with today, in my situations personally and through my work out. I am so excited to get to the top, not because it will be over, but because I will have learned what it takes to FINISH to get there. God, I don't want to give up here in the middle of this hill, help me to push through to get to the end of this and to help me through this...JUST like you HELPED me today battle through my workout of finishing each and everyone of my exercises today and NOT giving up on it. I don't want to give up on what you are showing me here now! Make me fall to my knees, make me weep to know it hurts to I don't ignore this.
Thank you Jesus for all the blessings of today! I am blessed to have come to a waggy doggy happy to see me and a smiling husband because I was home! Thank you for them and the joy they show me when I need it the most! I know that is all you!!!